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Successful Communication
Tool Kit -
Literacy and You
Communication Canada
May 2003
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Case Study 1
Special Edition of The East Coast Reader on the 2001 Speech
from the Throne
This study deals with a special edition of The East Coast Reader about the Speech from the Throne. The East Coast Reader is a non-profit, plain-language newspaper, which is intended for people with low literacy skills in Nova Scotia.
Approach
The idea behind this special edition was to explain to people how government policy applies to their everyday lives. The East Coast Reader therefore published a series of articles highlighting not only federal programs and services but also the people responsible for delivering them.
Federal departments and agencies, such as Environment Canada, the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, participated in this special edition. The East Coast Reader submitted the original texts on the programs and services supporting Throne speech initiatives to the appropriate government departments. The newspaper then rewrote the material following plain language principles. Following approval, they developed the layout in consultation with the department or agency.
Translation and French Adaptation
The process that led to the production of the French-language version was unique in that the French version, which resulted, is in plain-language French and is not just a straight translation of the English.
The East Coast Reader submitted the approved plain-language English copy to Public Works and Government Services Canada for direct translation into French. Following this, the Fédération canadienne pour l'alphabétisation en francais (FCAF) reviewed the copy to ensure that the plain-language French version was of the same quality as the English version.
Specific Examples
Use familiar language.
Example 1
Original text:
The laboratory has the ability to test for canning defects using
a number of specific criteria and to communicate these defects and assess
the severity using standard terminology.
Revised text:
Scientists in the laboratory test food containers like cans to make sure
they are not defective (faulty). If a can is defective the food inside
it can make you sick.
Example 2
Original text:
Peacekeeping is also a significant component of Canada's foreign policy
and our contribution to the multilateral security system. Fifty years
of experience in peacekeeping and participation in an overwhelming majority
of peacekeeping missions mandated by the United Nations Security Council
has established an international reputation for Canada.
Revised text:
Peacekeeping is an important part of Canada's foreign policy. As a member
of the United Nations, Canada has participated in many peacekeeping missions.
For more than 50 years, Canadian men and women have been in peacekeeping
missions all over the world. Thanks to their efforts, Canada has a reputation
as a peacekeeping nation.
Use the everyday/common meaning of a word rather than the specialized
or technical meaning.
Original text:
CFIA requires that federally registered fish processes implement and adhere
to quality systems to ensure the safe production of fish and fish products.
CFIA audits these systems. As part of these audits samples are taken for
laboratory analyses to ensure criteria are being met.
Revised text:
This program helps make sure fish and fish products are produced safely
in Canada.
Ease understanding – expand on less familiar ideas by explaining
and defining them.
Original text:
Drug smuggling is an ongoing problem for us all.
Revised text:
Every year, large quantities of drugs come to Canada. Some drugs come
by boat. Some drugs come by plane. This is drug smuggling. Drug smuggling
is big business. It is against the law.
Use illustrative examples to help the reader identify with the
information.
Original text:
The CFIA bulletin included a detailed list of client services including
those related to food safety and consumer protection. In order to make
this information accessible and relevant, a real-life scenario was called
for.
Revised text:
Melanie was just about to add the boiling water to her oatmeal when she
noticed something was wrong. "I could see some brown things in the bowl,"
says the Halifax woman. "To my horror, I realized I was looking at mouse
droppings. They had somehow got into the dry oatmeal!"
Melanie knew exactly what she had to do. She picked up the phone and
called the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) laboratory in Dartmouth.
"They asked me to send them the oatmeal so they could analyze it," says
Melanie. "It didn't take long for them to call me back and confirm what
I already knew."
Thanks to Melanie's quick action, the oatmeal was sent back to the manufacturer
because it was not safe to eat. Once again the CFIA had come to the rescue.
Melanie's story illustrates just one example of the type of work done
in the Dartmouth laboratory of the CFIA ...
Organize the wording – write in short sentences and sacrifice
extra words to maintain clarity.
Original text:
When most people think of farming, they imagine huge tracts of land in the Prairies, lush orchards in the British Columbia interior or verdant valleys in Ontario. In contrast, the garden for Acadian Seaplants Ltd. is the Atlantic Ocean and its crop – seaweed.
Revised text:
When most people think of farming they imagine huge fields and orchards.
The Acadian Seaplants farm is different. The Acadian Seaplants farm is
the ocean and its crop is seaweed.
Use one idea per sentence.
Original text:
Peacekeeping is an important aspect of Canada's national heritage and a reflection of our fundamental beliefs.
Revised text:
Peacekeeping is an important part of our Canadian heritage (legacy).
It is part of our national identity.
Use paragraphs appropriately; develop only one idea per paragraph.
Original text:
The Maple Leaf. Breathtaking wilderness. A "Mountie". All are familiar international identifiers of our "True North Strong and Free". The image of the red-coated Mountie in broad-brimmed Stetson hat is instinctively associated with Canada around the world. But there is more to the Mounties than just a romantic image. The stage was set in 1873 for a role that would intimately connect the Mounted Police and its members with the development of Canada as a great nation. From the beginning of its long history, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) has served Canada and its people by establishing law and order in the frontier reaches of this vast nation. As the country grew in population and diversity, and its communities became more established, the Mounted Police adapted, ensuring the peace and security for its citizens.
Revised text:
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are so Canadian. People around the world associate the image of the red-coated "Mountie" wearing a broad-brimmed Stetson hat with our country. But there is much more to the Mounties than a famous uniform. For one thing there's the musical ride.
From the beginning of its long history the RCMP has served Canada and its people by establishing law and order in the four corners of this vast country. In the past, the Mounties did most of their serious work on horseback. They also entertained each other by showing off their riding skills.
Present lists vertically. Introduce lists with an explanatory
sentence.
The Dartmouth laboratory operates under the Canadian Food Inspection Act (law). The CFIA uses:
- The Fish Inspection Act
- The Canada Agricultural Products Act
- The Food and Drugs Act
- The Meat Inspection Act
- The Consumer Packaging and Labeling Act.
Limit information to the essential.
Original text:
Fish and fish products entering the country are inspected following a
random risk-based sampling scheme which may be dependent on the history
of the exporting country or on the quality of the product. The laboratory
assists field inspectors in performing targeted analyses.
Revised text:
Fish and fish products coming into Canada are inspected to make sure they are safe to eat.
Organize ideas in a logical fashion, beginning with what is of most interest to the reader.
Original text:
HALIFAX, May 5, 2001 — On behalf of Minister of Canadian Heritage
Sheila Copps, Dr. Bridglal Pachai, President of the Celebrate Canada Committee
for Nova Scotia, today announced that Stephanie Currie, 15, a student
at Prince Arthur Junior High School in Dartmouth, has been chosen as the
Nova Scotia finalist in the Canada Day Poster Challenge 2001 ... All finalists
and their guardians will be guests of Minister of Canadian Heritage, Sheila
Copps, in Ottawa on July 1. They will join the Governor General, the Prime
Minister and the thousands of Canadians who gather on Parliament Hill
to take part in the Canada Day festivities.
Revised text:
Canada Day was extra special this year for Stephanie Currie, Nova Scotia's finalist in the Canada Day Poster Challenge 2001. Along with the other provincial and territorial finalists from across Canada, the 15-year-old student at Prince Arthur High School in Dartmouth was the guest of Minister of Canadian Heritage Sheila Copps at the Canada Day festivities in Ottawa.
When there is a change of idea in the course of a document, summarize
or explain the idea.
Original text:
Drug smuggling is an ongoing problem for us all. With over 27,000 kilometers of coastline to protect, the police need the public's help. We need your eyes and ears. Be an active partner.
Revised text:
Every year, large quantities of drugs come to Canada. Some drugs come
by boat. Some drugs come by plane. This is drug smuggling. It is against
the law.
The Coastal Watch Program and the Airport Watch Program help stop illegal
drugs from coming into the country. Nova Scotia has more than 27,000 kilometers
of coastline. The police need the public's help to protect our coastline
from drug smuggling. We need your eyes and ears. We want you to be our
partner in the fight against drug smuggling.
Choose appropriate visual and print techniques (font, colours,
bold, italics, etc.) to emphasize subdivisions within the document and
use them consistently.
- All text should be presented in an easy-to-read font (12-point Goudy for body text; 30-point Goudy Bold for headlines).
- All text is left justified (lined up to the left) to avoid irregular spaces in the body text.
- There are no word-breaks or hyphenation (i.e. from the end of one line to the beginning of the next).
- There is ample use of white space, with generous margins and room for notes.
- An illustration or photo accompanies every story.
- Additional information (such as detailed definitions, contact information, etc.) appears in a shaded box.
- Colours, shading and borders are used to break up the text and separate stories that appear on the same page.
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