Everyone gets angry sometimes. It is a normal and healthy emotion. However, when anger gets out of control, it can lead to problems at home and at work.We can't always avoid the situations or people that make us feel angry, but we can learn to control our reactions.

Where do you start?

Ask yourself - is anger creating a problem in your life?

• Do you often feel angry?
• Does feeling angry interfere with your enjoyment of life?
• Is anger making you act aggressively or violently towards yourself or others?
• Is anger hurting your relationships with family, friends and co-workers?
• Do you know what is causing your anger? Could it be from a traumatic event in your past?

How to manage angry feelings:

• Get information. Your local library and bookstores have books and magazine articles about anger. Community organizations, like the Canadian Mental Health Association, also have information and people you can talk to.
• Identify what things trigger your anger. Pick a specific incident and think about it.Was your anger a sudden reaction or did it build up slowly until it finally erupted? Did you get angry because you felt startled or afraid? Recognizing the situations that make you feel angry can help you prepare yourself for them.
• Apply positive thinking. Learn to express your anger in a positive way without blaming or shaming someone else. Explain how you feel and why you feel that way, such as "I feel hurt when you ignore me"or "I feel frustrated when I have to fill out these forms". Statements such as these will help you discuss the problem directly and honestly. It's just as important, of course, to listen to the other person's feelings.
• Distract yourself by thinking of something positive in your life. Make a list of four items that make you feel happy and think about them when your emotions are getting out of control. Laughter is a great way to defuse anger so try to find some humour in your situation.
• Get physically active. This can provide a healthy way to discharge your anger. Go to the gym and have a vigorous work-out. Maybe you can express your feelings through painting or playing a musical instrument.
• Learn to relax and reduce the stress in your life. This will help you feel more in control of what you do and say. Relaxation techniques such as meditation and deep breathing can be done anywhere and at any time. There are books and courses available to teach these and other techniques.
• Practice anger management techniques to relieve your physical tension and help you take charge of the situation. Some examples are:
  • Slowly repeat a word or phrase such as 'calm down' or 'relax' and take deep breaths.
  • Distract your thoughts by working on a hobby or taking a walk.
  • Use humour to diffuse the situation and try to see the funny side of a situation.
  • Learn stress management techniques such as relaxation, meditation and deep breathing exercises to reduce your stress level.
• Get professional help as soon as possible if your anger is creating major problems in your life or is becoming violent. Discuss your situation with your family doctor or contact an organization that offers counselling in your community.

More ideas to help you manage angry feelings:

Try these and practice them so they become automatic in stressful situations:

• Breathe deeply in and out while slowly counting from one to four.
• Walk away from the situation until you feel calmer.
• Take a few minutes and concentrate on thinking about a pleasant image or memory.
• Tell the other person you are angry. Do this in a respectful way.
• Praise yourself when you have remained calm during a stressful situation.

There are erasers on the ends of pencils for a reason.
Everybody makes mistakes.