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Valentine’s Day Hype Can Fuel Youth Dating Violence
As many as one in four Canadian teens experience dating violence. There’s nothing romantic about getting hurt—but in fact, misconceptions about romance can fuel assaults. Unfortunately, the romantic messages around Valentine’s Day stop far short of helping youth understand healthy romance.
“Our culture starts laying the groundwork at a very early age to convince young people that romantic love is all-important. However, we often neglect to teach young people what’s healthy and what isn’t in romance,” says Marjory Gaouette, Manager RespectED: Violence and Abuse Prevention. RespectED is the Canadian Red Cross program that aims to prevent abuse and violence in young people’s lives.
Part of the reason dating violence flourishes among young people is that they misunderstand what violent behavior means. “Young people are particularly vulnerable to the belief that jealousy, possessiveness and anger are signs of intense passion and devotion.”
Research has consistently shown that the period from the mid-teens to early twenties is the most common time to experience violence in a romantic relationship.
Unhealthy relationships in adolescence can establish a lifelong pattern of accepting violence. And for a few, this violence will escalate, resulting in injury or even death.
Communicating early and often about healthy relationships is key. Adults should:
- Discuss media messages and stereotypes with youth: While a teenager’s ideas about intimate relationships are influenced by many factors, including their own experiences and what they witness in family and peer relationships. Teenagers are especially susceptible to messages from the media and society about love and romance. Parents and teachers can help by communicating respectfully about why certain messages, images and stereotypes in the media are troubling.
- Make sure teens know the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship: Relationship violence usually happens on a continuum. Young people should know that someone who exhibits possessive or inappropriate behavior may progress to threats and intimidation to keep their partner “in line,” and perhaps to physical violence. And if there is any physical violence, they should know to seek help from a trusted adult.
- Watch for warning signs, and ask questions: Warning signs could include sudden personality changes, a withdrawal from activities, family and/or friends, walking on eggshells, secrecy about fights or bruises/injuries, sudden self-destructive behavior, and a tendency to make excuses for a boyfriend/girlfriend’s inappropriate behavior.
- Finally, it’s important for adults to understand that both males and females can be abused—emotionally, physically and sexually—in a relationship.
For parent groups and those who work with youth, RespectED offers a workshop called “Not Just Puppy Love” to help adults understand the causes, issues and indicators of youth relationship violence. To help educate youth, RespectED offers a program called "What's Love Got to Do With It?" for adolescents. Available to schools and community groups, this program provides workshops that use videos, popular music and other materials to examine what constitutes a healthy relationship and how to recognize abusive relationships. Stereotypes are challenged and information on how to get help is provided.
RespectED is always seeking volunteers to deliver violence and abuse prevention programs. Comprehensive training and support are offered. To learn more about becoming a Prevention Educator, or to inquire about booking a workshop for your school or group, contact your local Red Cross office.
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