Sex over sixty

Just you and me

It's good for you! • Sex burns fat and causes the brain to release endorphins, naturally occurring chemicals that act as painkillers and reduce anxiety. In men, sex seems to stimulate the release of growth hormones and testosterone, which strengthens bones and muscles. In both men and women, sex also seems to prompt the release of substances that bolster the immune system.     • Sexual activity relieves physical stress and reinforces positive emotions.     • Some research suggests that sex about three times a week can slow aging and prevent wrinkles around the eyes.     • The physical exertion associated with sex is about the same as walking up two flights of stairs - if your heart is up to that, it's probably up to sex (but if you have any health-related worries, consult your physician). Use it or lose it • Continuing to have sex is the cardinal rule for preserving sexual vigour beyond middle age. Sexually active women and men have higher levels of naturally produced sex hormones.     • The amount of sexual activity generally declines with age, but the amount of sexual interest and ability remains fairly constant. Maintaining a constant level of sexual activity makes the biological changes associated with aging less pronounced, with less impact on sexuality.

Maintaining sexual health is about adapting expectations - you can't expect the same kind of sexual response you and your partner had when you were younger, and you can't coerce your body to recreate that youthful response. Self-acceptance - embracing your body's sexual mellowing calmly and confidently - is an essential feature of healthy aging. Let the desire to perform yield to the desire for tenderness and connection. Of course, making the adjustment means dealing with the most troublesome organ of all - your brain. Overcoming fear, embarrassment or shame to talk candidly with your partner is possibly the best path to a satisfying sexual relationship.

Age does have its advantages: your kids have left home and there's no fear of pregnancy. You have the privacy and the time you need to adjust. Prolong foreplay to allow time for full arousal. Explore positions that accommodate an arthritic hip or aching back. Find ways to make sex more comfortable by de-emphasizing vaginal intercourse.

Physical intimacy takes many forms: kissing, cuddling, caressing, fondling, massage, erotic fantasy, masturbation, and oral and manual stimulation. Touch, smell, sounds, tastes, and visual sensations all contribute to sensuality. Accepting the many forms of intimacy and being willing to explore them enriches sexual expression.

The benefits of sexual expression for physical and emotional health are innumerable. But remember, sexually transmitted diseases don't respect age; so if you're not in a long-term monogamous relationship, protect your own and your partner's health by always practising safe sex (use of condoms).⁵