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Bullying is defined as a conscious, willful, deliberate and repeated hostile activity marked by an imbalance of power, intent to harm, and/or a threat of aggression. When bullying goes from bad to worse, it may lead to a feeling of terror on the part of the individual being bullied. Bullies may not think much of it, but giving someone a demoralizing nickname or teasing them relentlessly is abuse, even if it’s followed by “I was only kidding” or “can’t you take a joke?” Bullying has a way of wearing down a target’s self-esteem. Names can hurt just as much as broken bones, and teasing isn’t always done in fun. You should like going to school everyday. You should be able to get a text message or an email without feeling sick. Leaving your house in the morning shouldn’t require a mental pep talk. People who are bullied suffer 24/7—not just when something happens. If you’re being bullied, you need to know that your situation is temporary. The real world, although not always a piece of cake, is full of options that you don’t always have as a teenager. Options like a larger pool of people from which to choose your friends and the ability to remove yourself from a threatening situation. Although it may be hard to believe sometimes, you’re not alone. Others will stand with you to stop the bullying. Times have changed. There are adults in your life that will understand and help. Society as a whole is impacted by bullying—even the bullies themselves. Through their own actions and the inaction of others, bullies learn that antisocial behaviour and exerting control over others (whether verbal, physical, social, via email, etc.) is acceptable and that it works. Everyone has a role to play in making our communities, homes and schools hopeful and happy places to be. It took nothing more than daily harassment to forever impact the lives of the students at Columbine High School, site of one of the most tragic bullying-related incidents in recent history. Weeks before their siege, students recalled an episode involving the two gunmen in the school cafeteria. “People surrounded them in the commons and squirted ketchup packets all over them, laughing at them, calling them faggots. That happened while teachers watched. They couldn’t fight back. They wore the ketchup all day and went home covered in it.” Why didn’t anybody do anything? Or say anything? There are always more excuses than valid reasons for not stepping in.
(Adapted from “The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander” by Barbara Coloroso.) Fifteen people died at Columbine High School. Can any excuse justify losing all those lives? We live in a society that gives us mixed messages. Often, it teaches us that it's okay to misuse our power or control others. Just think about how people solve problems on television and in the movies. We see adults and kids misuse their power to get what they want, and we read about similar "real life" stories in the newspapers every day. The truth is that bullying is an antisocial behaviour, and it's important that we talk about it in order to stop it. We need to eliminate the double standard in our community around the misuse of power. We need to stop dismissing bullying as "normal kid stuff." We need to increase awareness, change attitudes and use new behaviours to deal with and stop bullying. “Bullying is the assertion of power through aggression. Its forms change with age: school playground bullying, sexual harassment, gang attacks, dating violence, assault, marital violence, child abuse, workplace harassment and elder abuse.” (Pepler and Craig, 1997) “Bullying is a RELATIONSHIP issue, not a discipline issue. It is about the misuse of power and control. The power of the bully, and the powerlessness of the target, increases over time. Bullies generally have a low self-concept.” (Dr. Wendy Craig, Queens University) “Students are most vulnerable to bullying during transitions from elementary to junior high school, and junior to senior high school.” (Dr. Wendy Craig, Queens University) “Approximately 4% of girls and 20% of boys engage in bullying others. “Some folks still believe the myth that bullying is part of growing up.” (Dr. Shelley Hymel, University of British Columbia) “Bullies do not grow out of bullying. The forms of bullying change with age. “Homophobic language is often the most common verbal form of bullying, yet it is the least responded to by students and trusted adults.” (Kristopher Wells, University of Alberta) Cyberbullying is defined as the use of email, cell phone and pager text messages, instant messaging (IM), insulting or offensive personal websites and defamatory online personal polling sites to support deliberate, hostile behaviour towards an individual. Just like other forms of bullying, cyberbullying is about power and control. Those who bully others are trying to establish dominance over people they perceive to be weaker than them. Those who bully want to make others feel that there is something wrong with them. There’s not. The social glitch is in the behaviour, and the behaviour belongs to the bully. A 2002 British survey found that one in four youth, aged 11 to 19 has been threatened via their computers or cell phones, including death threats. (NCH -National Children's Home, UK) The convenience of modern technology can enable bullies to hide behind anonymity. Cyberbullying is only different in that it is a particularly cowardly form of bullying. Junior High and High School years are tough to navigate under the most ideal circumstances. For lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-identified and two-spirited (LGBTT) students, the road can be even rougher. Imagine sorting through your sexuality in a hostile school environment and then returning home to family who might not be that supportive either. Studies show that LGBTT youth are three times more likely than their heterosexual peers to attempt suicide, leave home, drop out of school and abuse drugs and alcohol (Schneider, 1997). Many LGBTT teens that face bullying have to endure both physical and social abuse at the hands of otherwise nice kids who arrive at school instilled with negative beliefs about homosexuality. Gay-bashing or homophobic name-calling is nothing more than bullying with a theme. Bullies who hide behind homophobic beliefs are still bullies. In fact, many police agencies consider homophobic language to be a hate incident—something that’s against the law.
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