Respect yourself and know what you want. The right person will wait for you. Remember, you always have the right to say "no" to sex, even if you have said "yes" before!

When am I ready for sex?

Only you can decide when you are ready for sex. Don’t let anyone pressure you into having sex.

The answer to this question is different for every person. There is no "magical" age when you are ready to have sex. There is no natural time in a relationship to start having sex with your partner. And there is no rule which says you must have sex with someone, even if you have been dating for a long time.

Sex should be a joyful, comfortable and guilt-free experience for both you and your partner.

How do I know if I am ready for sex?

Here are some questions to help you decide if you are ready to have sex.

1. Am I feeling pressured to have sex by my partner, my friends or
   television and movies?
2. Will having sex fit with my religious or moral beliefs?
3. Will I feel guilty if I have sex?
4. Do I want to have sex to get love, affection or attention?
5. Do I want to have sex to prove that I am sexually attractive?
6. Am I afraid that my reputation will be hurt if I have sex?
7. Do I think sex will bring my partner and me closer together, both emotionally as well as physically.
8. Do my partner and I both want the same things from sex?
9. Can I talk to my partner about birth control and can we share the responsibility for birth control?
10. Can I talk to my partner about sexually transmitted diseases and how we can protect ourselves?
11. If birth control fails, are we ready to deal with an unplanned pregnancy?

A. If you answer yes to: 1,3,4,5,6 or 7 or answer no to questions: 2,8,9,10 or 11,
then you may want to think more about whether you are really ready to have sex.

B. Sometimes, it is also helpful to talk to a trusted adult, (such as parents or a school counsellor) about your decision.

C. If you want more information, visit you local health centre, birth control centre or your family doctor.

I think I’m ready for sex. Now what?

Set limits

Think about how far you want to go and set your own limits. How do you feel about mutual masturbation? Oral sex? Vaginal intercourse? Anal intercourse? Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Make sure your partner knows how you feel and is willing to respect the limits you set.

Talk to your partner before you have sex about birth control and choose an effective method that you will use every time you have sex.

If you or your partner have had sex before, get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STD). Use a condom every time you have sex.

Sex can be a wonderful part of a caring relationship, especially when you and your partner can talk openly and honestly about what you want. But be realistic. Movies and television have led us to believe that rockets will go off when we have sex. Sex is something you learn together over time. It is not an amusement park ride, a guarantee of commitment or a cure for a bad relationship.

I don’t think I’m ready for sex. Now what?

Say "no."

You have the right to say "no" to sex and you should not feel guilty about your decision. Saying "no" has many advantages. You do not have to worry about unplanned pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases. You have more time to think and talk about your relationship with your partner.

You do not have to explain your reasons for saying "no." But if your partner is pressuring you to have sex, here are some simple responses to common pressure lines:

"You would if you love me."
If you really loved me, you wouldn’t push me.

"Everybody’s doing it."
You won’t have trouble finding someone then!

"I need you. I have to have it."
No you don’t. If I can wait, so can you.

"If you don’t, I’ll find someone who will." Okay. Go ahead.

Think about how far you want to go at this time in your relationship. How do you feel about light kissing? Deep kissing ("French" or "wet" kissing)? Caressing with your clothes on? Touching your partner’s genitals? Being touched on your genitals? Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Make sure your partner knows how you feel and is willing to respect the limits you set.

Alcohol and drugs can make it harder to stick to your decision not to have sex. Try to stay out of situations that will test your limits, such as using alcohol and drugs when you are alone with your partner.

Questions? 

Visit your local health centre, birth control centre, or your doctor. For confidential information about STD/HIV, call 1-800-772-2437.