It hurts when I have intercourse…

• Normally, sexual intercourse should not be painful.
• If it hurts when you have intercourse, see your family doctor or gynecologist. A doctor can make sure you do not have an infection or other physical problems.
• If the problem is not physical, you and your partner might be able to solve the problem together.
• A man is ready for intercourse when he has an erection.
• You are ready when your vagina is wet with natural lubricants, the muscles around your vagina are relaxed and you want to have intercourse.
• Lubrication of your vagina can start simply with sexual thoughts, kissing or hugging.
• Most women also need some foreplay to be fully ready for intercourse. Foreplay usually means being touched on your breasts and genitals.
• Getting ready for intercourse is different for every woman. It can take a few minutes or much longer, depending on your mood and other factors, like the time and the place where you are having sex.

Why might intercourse hurt?

• Intercourse hurts when your body is not ready or when your vagina becomes dry and tight during intercourse.
• Painful intercourse often becomes a cycle. The cycle starts when you feel pain during intercourse. The next time, you might remember the pain and start to worry that you will feel pain again. This worry might make you lose interest in intercourse. If you then have intercourse when you do not want it, your body might not be ready. As a result, intercourse is painful and the cycle starts again.
• When you "grin and bear it," it only makes the pain worse.

What can I and my partner do about painful intercourse?

1. Tell your partner that it hurts when you have intercourse. He might tell you that a tight, dry vagina hurts him too!
2. Talk openly and honestly with your partner. Tell him that your body needs to be ready for intercourse. Many men do not know how a woman’s body works but they are too shy to admit it. Your partner will probably be glad to learn what you need and what he can do to help.
3. Agree not to have intercourse until you break the cycle of pain. Start with some fun and relaxing foreplay. Do not feel pressured to have or give an orgasm. Most couples need to enjoy foreplay without intercourse 3 to 10 times before they have intercourse again.
4. When you are ready to have intercourse again:

• Only have intercourse when you are both interested and ready.
• If anything hurts, tell your partner right away and stop what you are doing. Talk about the pain and decide together if you should change positions, use more foreplay, get a doctor’s check-up or get counselling.

5. If you cannot talk to your partner about this problem or if you have talked to your partner and you are still having problems, a counsellor might be able to help.

Questions?  

Visit your local health centre, birth control centre, or your doctor.
For confidential information about STD/HIV, call 1-800-772-2437.