|
efore you get into a dating
or sexual relationship, it's important to know what you want.
Communication is a very important factor when it comes to maintaining your sexual
and reproductive health. It helps to be able to talk openly to your parents,
partners, friends and health care providers. But the most important person to
communicate with about sex is yourself.
The clearer your standards and expectations, the easier it is to know whether
a relationship is right for you. It's not wrong to know where you stand on certain
issues so that you can honour your own values and beliefs and protect the future
you see for yourself.
Where do you stand?
Here are a few tough questions you need to ask yourself about your own sexuality:
|
|
|
|
|
What do your parents think?
|
|
|
|
|
You think you know
your parents pretty well, right? Well, what do you think they might say
about the following subjects? Having an opportunity to answer your sexual
health questions may help your parents recognize that you are trying to
make important and informed choices, and to stay healthy. So, go ahead and
speak to your parents.
Sexual activity
- What is the right time or circumstance for someone to become sexually
active?
- What are your family values about abstinence and sexual activity?
- What kind of public displays of affection are permitted with a girlfriend
or boyfriend that will not make others uncomfortable?
- If your parents found condoms in your room, how would they react?
Unplanned pregnancy
- If your partner or you had an unplanned pregnancy, how would your
parents help you to make a decision?
Getting information
- If there are firewalls on your home computer, what sites are you allowed
to visit to get quality information on sexual health?
- If something uncomfortable came up with your parents, is there someone
else you could talk to (e.g.a family doctor or counselor social agency)?
Building trust
- What can you do to help your parents trust you as you spend more time
on your own with your friends?
- What ways can you and your parents agree about your privacy and rules
about coming in and out of your room?
|
|
|
|
|
- What kind of person would my ideal partner be?
(e.g. attractive, caring, funny)
- If I were in a healthy relationship, how would I feel?
(e.g. like an equal, respected, appreciated)
- Do I want to be sexually active or am I happy to masturbate
and abstain from partnered sex?
(No one says you have to masturbate, either)
- If I choose to abstain,
what can I do to support that choice?
(e.g. Stay away from alcohol and drugs that may lower my inhibitions; choose
a partner who will not pressure me to do things I'm not comfortable with)
- If I choose to be sexually active with a partner, what boundaries do
I need to communicate?
(e.g. I'm O.K. with holding hands, kissing and touching below the waist, but
I put the brakes on when it comes to oral sex and intercourse)
- If I choose to be sexually active, how can I practice safer
sex --who will pay for the condoms
and contraception?
Would we like to talk
to a counselor specializing in sexual health before we make these choices?
- If my partner tells me not to worry about sexually
transmitted infections (STIs) because he or she hasn't been with very
many people, should I insist on STI testing?
- Do we both want the same thing out of the relationship?
(e.g. My partner is looking for love and I'm looking for fun, with no commitment)
- If we had an unintended
pregnancy, what choice do we think we would make? (e.g. Abortion,
adoption, or parenting)
- Am I ready to listen to my partner's values and beliefs and respect
his or her boundaries?
Do you know who you can talk to?
There are many people you can talk to who know about sexual health, including
school nurses, family physicians, nurse practitioners at a community health
centre, sexual health clinic counselors and sexuality educators. They are just
waiting by the phone or their computer screens to make sure you have accurate
information to make informed decisions about all aspects of sexual health, including
risk,
pleasure,
attraction,
your
body and even sexual
assault.
Check out their organizational websites to find out if the services are free,
confidential and accessible to you based on location and hours of operation.
You could also get a phone number to call in advance to see if they have rules
about setting up appointments or whether you can just walk in whenever you want.
|
|
|
|
|
Your sexual health rights
|
|
|
|
|
When you go to talk
to someone about sexual health, you should know that you have the right
to:
- Information: to get the facts about the benefits and
ways to maintain your sexual health.
- Access: to obtain services free of prejudice (such
as gender, ethnicity, marital status, socio-economic status, religious
affiliation)
- Choice: to decide freely whether to practice family
planning and which methods to use
- Safety: to be able to use methods that will not put
your sexual health in jeopardy
- Privacy: to have a private place to talk during counseling
or other sexual health services
- Confidentiality: to be assured that any personal information
will remain confidential unless they are required to report by law
- Dignity: to be treated with courtesy, consideration
and attentiveness
- Comfort: to feel comfortable when receiving services
- Continuity: to get contraceptive and safer sex supplies
for as long as needed
- Opinion: to express your views on the services offered
|
|
|
|
|
Getting the most out of your appointment
Your relationship with your sexual health information provider should be positive,
comfortable and based on trust.
Sometimes it helps to write down your questions
before you go to the appointment.
Your sexual health information provider may ask you questions that seem really
intimate and uncomfortable, but remember, your answers are completely confidential.
Don't be embarrassed to pose questions and ask them to explain it again if you
don't understand what they are telling you. With new information, sometimes
we have to let go of a lot of myths before the facts sink in.
If you aren't honest and share that you smoke, use drugs or drink, you may
not receive the best suggestion for birth control or know your level of risk
in getting sexually transmitted infections.
If, after you've left the office, you realize you were too embarrassed to tell
your sexual health information provider something, or you have another question,
you can always call them back. If you don't feel comfortable with your health
care provider, go
to someone else.
The bottom line is that healthy sexuality is more than avoiding an unplanned
pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection. Healthy sexuality is about feeling
good about yourself, your relationships and your ability to express yourself
in a pleasurable way.
So talk it up!
|