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A touchy subject
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idea of having frank, open, ongoing discussions with our children
about sex makes a lot of parents uncomfortable. After all, few of
us had serious role models for the task, as sex was
hardly a favourite topic of conversation of our
own parents. But open communication with children about sex is essential--now,
in fact, even more than ever--because not only does openness help
lay the foundation for a healthy, responsible attitude towards sex,
it also provides parents with an opportunity to educate their kids
about AIDS in a positive, non-terrifying way.
It's not as hard as you think
How you do it tackle the topic of AIDS depends on the age and stage
your child is at, but also on what it is your child wants to know.
But don't be surprised if the topic comes up sooner that you expect.
Kids may have questions anywhere from the age of 7 on.
Breaking the ice
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The best information is the information
the kids are asking you for," says Toronto child psychologist
Janet Morrison. "There's no point giving kids a long speech
when their eyes are glazing over." |
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Don't try to ramp up the terror with horror
stories. The information you give is much more likely to land
on receptive ears if it's not fear-based and threatening. "Kids
have a sense of what's credible and what isn't," adds Morrison.
"They can understand that there are things that are good
but that can be dangerous. Sex is wonderful, but it can be dangerous
too if it's not done properly or safely or if you have sex with
too many people or if you're too young. Don't start making up
threats." |
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Don't simply associate AIDS with sex. "It's
just like trying to associate having children with having sex,"
says Bob Mills, a former elementary-schoolteacher in Edmonton
who has been living with AIDS for many years. "Your children
will never enjoy warm sexual relationships if they were taught
that it's not something they should do because they're going
to get pregnant." |
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Remember that AIDS is one of many sexually
transmitted diseases, so talk about AIDS the same way you'd
talk about gonorrhea or chlamydia. AIDS isn't curable, but it's
definitely preventable. |
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Be open and nonjudgmental.
"It's not just what we say, it's what we do in our facial
expressions and our body language that say this is an uncomfortable
issue," says Trevor Gray, project coordinator of HIV prevention
at East Metro Youth Services in Toronto. |
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Be truthful about your
uneasiness. If you just can't bring yourself to talk about sex
and AIDS, suggest books and pamphlets that you can read with
your children so that you don't give the message that the topic
is off limits. |
Don't beat yourself up
Knowing that having open lines of communication is best for everyone
doesn't necessarily mean it's going to come naturally. "Parents
don't need to be so tough on themselves if they can't discuss it with
their children," says Mills. "Aunts and uncles can become
surrogate parents on topics like this."
Rewards are worth it
As difficult as it may be, the effort is worth it in the long run.
"It builds a better relationship," says Gray. "It also
puts you in a position of trust so that when a child hears something,
the child will have someone to come and talk to."
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This article was prepared by Nora Underwood for CHN. Nora Underwood is a journalist and parent living in Toronto.
