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efore you get into a dating or sexual relationship, it's important to know what you want. Communication is a very important factor when it comes to maintaining your sexual and reproductive health. It helps to be able to talk openly to your parents, partners, friends and health care providers. But the most important person to communicate with about sex is yourself.

The clearer your standards and expectations, the easier it is to know whether a relationship is right for you. It's not wrong to know where you stand on certain issues so that you can honour your own values and beliefs and protect the future you see for yourself.

Here are a few tough questions you need to ask yourself about your own sexuality:

			What do your parents think?
			You think you know your parents pretty well, right? Well, what do you think they might say about the following subjects? Having an opportunity to answer your sexual health questions may help your parents recognize that you are trying to make important and informed choices, and to stay healthy. So, go ahead and speak to your parents. Sexual activity What is the right time or circumstance for someone to become sexually active? What are your family values about abstinence and sexual activity? What kind of public displays of affection are permitted with a girlfriend or boyfriend that will not make others uncomfortable? If your parents found condoms in your room, how would they react? Unplanned pregnancy If your partner or you had an unplanned pregnancy, how would your parents help you to make a decision? Getting information If there are firewalls on your home computer, what sites are you allowed to visit to get quality information on sexual health? If something uncomfortable came up with your parents, is there someone else you could talk to (e.g.a family doctor or counselor social agency)? Building trust What can you do to help your parents trust you as you spend more time on your own with your friends? What ways can you and your parents agree about your privacy and rules about coming in and out of your room?

1. What kind of person would my ideal partner be?
   (e.g. attractive, caring, funny)
   
   
2. If I were in a healthy relationship, how would I feel?
   (e.g. like an equal, respected, appreciated)
   
   
3. Do I want to be sexually active or am I happy to masturbate and abstain from partnered sex?
   (No one says you have to masturbate, either)
   
   
4. If I choose to abstain, what can I do to support that choice?
   (e.g. Stay away from alcohol and drugs that may lower my inhibitions; choose a partner who will not pressure me to do things I'm not comfortable with)
   
   
5. If I choose to be sexually active with a partner, what boundaries do I need to communicate?
   (e.g. I'm O.K. with holding hands, kissing and touching below the waist, but I put the brakes on when it comes to oral sex and intercourse)
   
   
6. If I choose to be sexually active, how can I practice safer sex --who will pay for the condoms and contraception? Would we like to talk to a counselor specializing in sexual health before we make these choices?
   
   
7. If my partner tells me not to worry about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) because he or she hasn't been with very many people, should I insist on STI testing?
   
   
8. Do we both want the same thing out of the relationship?
   (e.g. My partner is looking for love and I'm looking for fun, with no commitment)
   
   
9. If we had an unintended pregnancy, what choice do we think we would make? (e.g. Abortion, adoption, or parenting)
   
   
10. Am I ready to listen to my partner's values and beliefs and respect his or her boundaries?

There are many people you can talk to who know about sexual health, including school nurses, family physicians, nurse practitioners at a community health centre, sexual health clinic counselors and sexuality educators. They are just waiting by the phone or their computer screens to make sure you have accurate information to make informed decisions about all aspects of sexual health, including risk, pleasure, attraction, your body and even sexual assault.

Check out their organizational websites to find out if the services are free, confidential and accessible to you based on location and hours of operation. You could also get a phone number to call in advance to see if they have rules about setting up appointments or whether you can just walk in whenever you want.

			Your sexual health rights
			When you go to talk to someone about sexual health, you should know that you have the right to: Information: to get the facts about the benefits and ways to maintain your sexual health. Access: to obtain services free of prejudice (such as gender, ethnicity, marital status, socio-economic status, religious affiliation) Choice: to decide freely whether to practice family planning and which methods to use Safety: to be able to use methods that will not put your sexual health in jeopardy Privacy: to have a private place to talk during counseling or other sexual health services Confidentiality: to be assured that any personal information will remain confidential unless they are required to report by law Dignity: to be treated with courtesy, consideration and attentiveness Comfort: to feel comfortable when receiving services Continuity: to get contraceptive and safer sex supplies for as long as needed Opinion: to express your views on the services offered

Your relationship with your sexual health information provider should be positive, comfortable and based on trust.

Sometimes it helps to write down your questions before you go to the appointment.

Your sexual health information provider may ask you questions that seem really intimate and uncomfortable, but remember, your answers are completely confidential. Don't be embarrassed to pose questions and ask them to explain it again if you don't understand what they are telling you. With new information, sometimes we have to let go of a lot of myths before the facts sink in.

If you aren't honest and share that you smoke, use drugs or drink, you may not receive the best suggestion for birth control or know your level of risk in getting sexually transmitted infections.

If, after you've left the office, you realize you were too embarrassed to tell your sexual health information provider something, or you have another question, you can always call them back. If you don't feel comfortable with your health care provider, go to someone else.

The bottom line is that healthy sexuality is more than avoiding an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection. Healthy sexuality is about feeling good about yourself, your relationships and your ability to express yourself in a pleasurable way.

So talk it up!