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Whether you're a couch potato struggling to get outside for a walk, a smoker who's been inhaling "the last pack" for six months or a nail-biter panicked because there's nothing left to chew on, you're not alone. "People don't like change," says Dr. Richard Earle, PhD, managing director of the Canadian Institute of Stress and the Hans Selye Foundation. Why? It is human nature to resist change—even when we know that a change would improve our lives. "Most prefer to go with the flow," notes Dr. Earle. "That's why we have the saying, 'The only person who truly welcomes a change is a baby with a full diaper.' "

Why we often predict failure

Dr. Earle likes to use this bit of humour when he explains why trying to make a change in one's life can be so challenging. But in fact, resistance to change goes even deeper, thanks to another human trait common to everyone regardless of culture or ethnicity: a tendency towards pessimism. "In every spoken language around the world," explains Dr. Earle, "the ratio of pessimistic adjectives to positive adjectives is three to one."

What this means, in essence, is that we are far better equipped—linguistically, psychologically and emotionally—to focus on what could possibly go wrong rather than what could possibly go right. The result? We lose motivation to change before we really get started. "Is it any wonder that people lose their motivation and drop out?" asks Dr. Earle. "Just look at failed weight loss programs or unused gym equipment in homes."

What inspires change?

Discomfort is our big motivator. Much of what inspires and motivates a person to change can be summed up in a single word: discomfort. Most people kick start change only because they are in extreme discomfort, says Dr. Earle, who always asks patients, "How does it hurt? What pain or discomfort has caused you to want to make this change?" "People choose to make a change when they can no longer stand it," confirms Jan Hill, PhD, a Toronto-based life skills coach. "They tolerate and tolerate until the situation becomes too uncomfortable. Then they have to take steps to make changes in their lives."

The decision to change usually coincides with a shift in core values—away from the belief that being heavily invested in a career is important, for instance, towards an understanding that it's vital to take time for friends, family and yes, yourself.

The 'M' factor - motivation must come from within

Importantly, the motivation to change has to come from within, say the experts. No amount of nagging, bullying or "being reasoned with" by others—your partner, your kids, your boss—will be enough to successfully steer you towards a healthier life. Support from others is important, but you are the only one who can make the decision to change.

"Deciding to make a change to please other people can be problematic," notes Dr. Hill. This is because changing for someone else can end up not feeling right, making it easy to revert to habitual behaviour during times of stress. And since the process of change is stressful in and of itself, temptation to revert to your old ways can loom large when you're overtired, or hungry or lonely.

In the end, change comes down to motivation or 'the M factor,' confirms Dr. Earle, who cites the example of the 50-year-old man with rheumatoid arthritis who loved restoring historical cars. Despite the fact that he was experiencing more pain and stiffness with each passing day, he refused to stretch his muscles. It was only after he discovered that stretching would allow him to get back underneath the cars he loved so much that he decided to sign up for yoga. "Trying to motivate this man was completely useless," admits Dr. Earle. "He only became motivated when he saw that he would have a payback. Then he was able to make a change and keep going."

Support from others is critical

It's also important to recognize that when you change, your relationship with others may also change, particularly if they share your bad habit—such as drinking alcohol, smoking or leading a sedentary life.

You may find that forming new friendships with people you meet at a fitness club, for instance, makes it easier to get into the swing of your new lifestyle. And relationships that may have suffered in the past because of your behaviour—perhaps your family often ate dinner without you while you burned the midnight oil at work—may improve.

In the end, you'll recognize who supports your new lifestyle and who doesn't. Surrounding yourself with those who cheer on your efforts will increase your chances of success. After all, what could be more rewarding than seeing the smiles on your kids' faces when you announce that you've left your briefcase at the office and are taking them to a baseball game?

Other tips to support change

Habits tend to "travel in packs," notes Jan Hill. To successfully escape, you need to break the links between them. If you're quitting smoking, for instance, and used to smoke a cigarette with your coffee, you need to find a new behaviour to replace this one, such as taking the time to go for a walk outside or to keep track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal.

Being able to visualize future success, whether it's sailing around the British Virgin Islands or autographing your best-selling novel, will also help you make a lifestyle change. So will taking stock of the benefits of change each day.

A word about relapse: if at first you don't succeed...

First of all, a relapse is nothing to be ashamed of. Making a major lifestyle change is difficult and most people do "slip" at some point. The main thing is to not let a slip—perhaps you smoked a cigarette or ate a whole bag of potato chips—convince you that you're not going to be successful at making a permanent change.

Instead, say experts, a relapse can provide you with valuable information about how you are still vulnerable to self-defeating behaviour. Learn what there is to learn and then get right back into the change game. Chalk it up to experience, get back on track and learn how to handle the future. If you keep trying, you will succeed!