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Send this to a friend Print-friendly version 10 + 1 tips to be an involved father Healthy fathers—Canadian men talk about the rewards and challenges of being 'Dad' Past Articles Subscribe to our Healthlink newsletter

Chances are good that many people who have children now would see a big difference in the role of their fathers compared to the role of today's fathers. For the most part, Baby Boomers' fathers were the providers who looked after the family's economic and material needs so that the children had the best chances possible in life.

These days, in many families both parents work toward the same end. But, something really has changed for the better: fathers are expected to and want to be more involved in raising their children than ever before.

The dad dimension

That's obviously great news for kids. Fathers, while they have many of the same day-to-day skills as mothers, bring a different dimension to parenting.

In a publication called Portraits of Fathers, the Ottawa-based Vanier Institute of the Family touched on several of those differences. For one thing, fathers tend to interact with their children in a more physically playful way than mothers; verbally, fathers explain fewer things to a child, which some researchers believe helps condition the child for life outside the family; and they are less likely to indulge a child's dependent behaviour—also essential for growth.

Through the years, fathers remain deeply significant to their children, even as their children may apparently be pushing them away. In fact, a 2005 Statistics Canada study links teenagers' good mental health with a positive relationship with their fathers.

It's a learning process

There's no question, though, that becoming a father for the first time can be a daunting prospect. It's a safe assumption that fathers-to-be are hoping to excel in their new roles. But it pays to keep in mind that everyone has to learn how to do the job of parenting well; while it may be natural to be a parent, it's not necessarily a role that comes naturally.

All too often, new mothers take control of the caregiving and new dads are sometimes left feeling as if parenting is a job they are only, at most, second best at. According to the Vanier Institute publication, studies have shown that men are more involved in bringing up their children if their partners encourage them to be. "A father's involvement," the author notes, "seems to depend largely on how much the mother lets the father participate."

Jump in!

So the first piece of advice for any new father who really wants to be involved is to jump in with both feet right from the beginning. New mums are the only ones who can breast-feed but all the other jobs—burping, diapering, walking, bathing and rocking baby—are up for grabs. (And so are shopping, cooking, tidying and doing the laundry!) And not only will it pay off in terms of your closeness with your baby—and, surprisingly, it really does have an effect—but it will also help speed your partner through her recovery period and it will strengthen your bond as a couple and as a whole new family.

Little things can make a big difference

Don't underestimate how far a little help goes. Years later, partners vividly remember the little things their partners did that helped them. "I remember him getting up with me in the middle of the night when I was breastfeeding and he would just sit with me, which was very sweet," says Samantha. "It didn't last long because it was just too plain ridiculous. But what he was good at was cooking, and the house was full of homemade banana bread and lasagne and my favourite cheeses. That made me feel pampered."

Another woman, Carol, says one of the biggest things her partner did was to scoop up the baby when she was crying, pop her in a baby carrier and take her for a walk—just to give mother and child a break. He also "forced" her to go to the drug store by herself when the baby was two weeks old. That may sound insignificant, but helping a new mother get some baby-free time to herself—even if it's just half an hour here or there—is so good for everyone's physical and mental health.

As a new father, make sure you get time for yourself as well. Keeping up with friends and hobbies will help you stay fresh and keep resentments from building up.

The baby blues are normal

Don't be surprised by your partner's erratic behaviour in the first little while. So-called baby blues are caused by the post-birth hormonal roller-coaster and are completely normal. Typically, it will last no more than a couple of weeks and it will require patience and understanding on your part as you watch the sudden shifting in her mood from absolute and utter joy to floods of tears and anxiety. Anything much more than that, though, or lasting much longer is potentially a sign of the more serious postpartum depression. If you are concerned with your partner's mental state, talk to her about it and encourage her to speak to her doctor or other health professional.

Don't drop out of your old life

When a little time has passed, consider organizing some time for you and your partner together without the baby. At first, that might mean leaving the baby with a trusted family member while you and your partner take a walk with each other or go out for coffee. Not only does it benefit your relationship to get away together even for a short time but it will also help prevent the feeling of isolation that so many new mothers experience.

Indeed, while it may seem like cozy paradise—staying at home with a beloved new baby all day every day—it can be exhausting and lonely, especially for women who are accustomed to being busy at a job or who have few family members to help. One woman still fondly remembers her partner taking the initiative to hire babysitters when their babies were old enough so that they could go out together alone.