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QUIZ

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Test your knowledge of Morrissey

By Sean Monkman

(Steven Patrick) Morrissey rose to prominence in the ’80s as the front man of the Smiths, a highly influential group lauded by the U.K. press as “the most innovative band Britain’s produced since the Beatles.” His distinctive singing voice and literate lyrics propelled songs exploring outsiders, loneliness, cynicism, violence and unfulfilled passions. After the Smiths imploded in 1987, he launched a successful solo career (to the relief of thousands of teenagers alone in their rooms). Morrissey fell out of favour with his homeland press in the latter half of the ’90s; recent years, though, have found him favourably re-evaluated, re-embraced and back on form. Now, the Mozfather returns with a new album, Ringleader of the Tormentors.

1. Who was never a member of the Smiths alongside Morrissey?
	Liam Gallagher
	Johnny Marr
	Mike Joyce
	Andy Rourke
	Craig Gannon

2. Which of following was not said by the eminently quotable Morrissey?
	On reconciling with Marr: “Too much has happened, really, and, in actual truth, we don’t actually like each other.”
	On Kurt Cobain’s suicide: “I felt sad and I felt envious. He had the courage to do it.”
	On Prince: “If Prince came from Wigan he would have been slaughtered by now.”
	On animal rights: “I love animals, I really do. I love the way they taste and the way their hides can make a coat to keep you warm. Astonishing.”
	On the U.S.: “I’m not saying that Americans are models of perfection, but ‘diseased orangutans’ is a little extreme. I’m sure they’re a couple of steps up from that!”

3. Author and longtime fan Douglas Coupland recently interviewed Morrissey. Complete the following impression he recorded about Moz’s melon: “His head (this is really weird, and I hope it doesn’t go outside the boundaries of taste) is enormous. It’s like ______”
	a juggy Lego-figure head.
	an enormous watermelon.
	Homer Simpson’s but hairier.
	some mutant flesh-and-blood version of Tin Tin.
	a huge Charlie Brown parade float head.

4. Which of the following facts about Morrissey is untrue:
	He claims to have been interviewed by FBI and British intelligence agents after publicly wishing that George W. Bush had died instead of Ronald Reagan.
	The Smiths turned down a $5 million US offer to reform at the 2006 Coachella Valley Arts and Music Festival.
	In the ’80s, he announced that he was celibate and has been a vegetarian since the age of 11.
	A judge described him as “devious, truculent and unreliable” in deciding a 1996 court case over unpaid royalties Morrissey owed to an old bandmate.
	He wrote a teleplay called Happy Celibate Veggie Singer Adventures that was a huge hit on Mexican television.

5. Which of these female singers has Morrissey not collaborated with?
	One of his idols, Nancy Sinatra
	Grand dame of goth, Siouxsie Sioux
	British singer-songwriter, Kirsty MacColl
	Topless model cum pop singer, Samantha Fox
	One of his childhood heroines and ’60s icon, Sandie Shaw

6. Four of these quotes about pleasure are Morrissey’s; the other belongs to one of his favourite writers, Oscar Wilde. Identify it.
	“I always thought my genitals were the result of some crude practical joke.”
	“I was raised with the notion that excitement and exuberance and extremities were something other people did and were not for me, and I must always have a very firm grip on every situation I was in.”
	“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.”
	“I can get incredibly erotic about blotting paper.”
	“If I met somebody tomorrow, male or female, and they loved me and I loved them, I would openly proclaim that I loved them, regardless of what they were.”

7. At a 1992 performance at London’s Finsbury Park, Morrissey did something that found him ensconced in controversy, accused of courting racist passions and labelled as a rabid nationalist. What was it?
	Wore a replica 1966 England World Cup shirt
	Wrapped himself in a Union Jack flag
	Launched into a version of the Sex Pistols’ God Save the Queen
	Goose-stepped across the stage saying “Don’t mention the war”
	Hopped into a Mini Cooper and ate a whole package of Jaffa cakes

8. Which one of the following is not a Morrissey song title?
	The More You Ignore Me, the Closer I Get
	We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful
	Everyday Is Like Sunday
	How Can Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel?
	Shiny Happy People

9. “It’s happening all too quickly for them. They haven’t proved a thing and they haven’t had to work very hard — that must make them insecure. It’s all a bit unnatural.” Earlier this year, Morrissey slammed (though quickly apologised to) what buzz band?
	Arcade Fire
	Arctic Monkeys
	Bloc Party
	Broken Social Scene
	Franz Ferdinand

10. What did Morrissey recently do to protest Canada’s annual seal hunt?
	Dedicated the Smiths’ Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now to the seals during a concert at London’s Hammersmith Odeon
	Cancelled a scheduled appearance on Canadian Idol
	Decided against performing in Canada on his next world tour
	Organized a picket outside of a Bryan Adams record-signing in London
	Ripped an Elisha Cuthbert poster off his bedroom wall