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QUIZ

Jock Rock

Test your knowledge of sports music

By Sean Monkman

So, you’re a team on a roll or the star player with the right attitude. How do you tell the public about your incredible awesomeness? What is the best way of broadcasting your unbelievable range of talents? With a vanity recording project, of course. For decades, sports heroes have been making their exploits seem all the better by recording risible songs. The upcoming Super Bowl marks the 20th anniversary of that quintessential, Grammy-nominated anthem from the 1985 champion Chicago Bears — The Super Bowl Shuffle. While a jewel in the field, that song is but one of many memorable mergers of sports and music.

1. Which couplet was not sung in The Super Bowl Shuffle?
	“Well, they call me Sweetness and I like to dance / Runnin’ the ball is like makin’ romance” (Walter Payton)
	“I’m Samurai Mike, I stop ’em cold / Part of the defense, big and bold” (Mike Singletary)
	“I’m known as Iron Mike and I’m the coach / I’ll squash the Steelers like a cockroach” (Mike Ditka)
	“I’m the punky QB, known as McMahon / When I hit the turf, I’ve got no plan” (Jim McMahon)
	“You’re lookin’ at the Fridge, I’m the rookie / I may be large, but I’m no dumb cookie” (William Perry)

2. What NBA player, recording as Jewelz, shelved his 2000 album after the Martin Luther King Jr. Association for Nonviolence, the NAACP, the Gay and Lesbian Task Force and NBA commissioner David Stern all objected to its lyrical content?
	Cedric Ceballos
	Chris Webber
	Ron Artest
	Allen Iverson
	Kobe Bryant

3. Four of these songs are public-address mainstays at good ol’ Canadian NHL games. One is decidedly not. Find it.
	Stompin’ Tom Connors, The Hockey Song
	Blur, Song 2
	Gary Glitter, Rock & Roll, Pt. 2
	Tiny Tim, Tiptoe Through the Tulips With Me
	Kernkraft 400, Zombie Nation

4. What band had their only U.K. No. 1 hit with England’s 1990 World Cup theme, World in Motion — a track that is embraced as the greatest soccer anthem ever, despite including an infamously bad rap performance by English midfielder John Barnes?
	Jesus Jones
	EMF
	Madness
	Simply Red
	New Order

5. What hip hop impresario’s attempts at a professional basketball career have included tryouts with the NBA’s Charlotte Hornets, Toronto Raptors and Denver Nuggets, a summer league stint with the Sacramento Kings and playing time with several teams in the ABA?
	Sean “Diddy” Combs
	Dr. Dre
	Master P
	Kanye West
	Russell Simmons

6. In 1991, during the first Gulf War, what singer gave a rousing, patriotic — albeit lip-synched — rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner to open Super Bowl XXV?
	Garth Brooks
	Whitney Houston
	Cyndi Lauper
	Roseanne Barr
	Janet Jackson

7. The song was Must Be the Money. Its lyrics: “Flashing lights on the dance floor / The DJ says my name as I make my intro (and you know) / The place is packed, nowhere to find a seat / But Prime don’t worry cause I’m sensin’ VIP.” Who was the, ahem, artist?
	Baseball pitcher Bronson Arroyo
	Boxer Roy Jones Jr.
	Boxer Oscar De La Hoya
	Football and baseball player Deion Sanders
	Tennis player John McEnroe

8. Which is not a product of basketball star Shaquille O’Neal’s recording career?
	Shaq Diesel (LP)
	I Am Kazaam (soundtrack song)
	Shoot Pass Slam (single)
	Biological Didn’t Bother (album cut)
	K.O.B.E. (The Punk Don’t Mean Nuthin’ to Me) (EP)

9. What Canadian pianist and composer supplied the theme song for the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, Can’t You Feel It?
	David Foster
	Glenn Gould
	Diana Krall
	Oscar Peterson
	Daniel Lanois

10. Players from what NHL team lent their mullets, moustaches, dodgy lip synchs and fake guitar-, keyboard- and horn-playing abilities to what 1987 video?
	Toronto Maple Leafs, The Ballad of Harold Ballard
	Calgary Flames, You Can’t Stop a Flame When It’s Red Hot
	Winnipeg Jets, Flying Faster Than a Slapshot
	Edmonton Oilers, Ruffnecks Run Wild
	Quebec Nordiques, Les Boys Fantastique