Oscar recap

Jennifer Hudson reacts backstage after winning the best supporting actress award for her work in Dreamgirls at the 79th Academy Awards. (Chris Carlson/Associated Press)

Newbie host Ellen DeGeneres summed up the evening in her opening monologue, when she announced that she was there to “soothe.” In a slightly glammed-up version of her EZ-watching talk show, DeGeneres was as gentle as a golden retriever puppy, teasing the nominees and presenters about their nerves (“I'd hate to have to follow that!”), slipping Martin Scorsese a screenplay, asking Steven Spielberg to take a picture of her with Clint Eastwood and vacuuming the carpet. The jokes felt recycled — and not just the ones DeGeneres said she brought back in keeping with the night’s green theme. Al Gore and the 2000 election? Jerry Seinfeld riffing on leaving a mess in movie theatres?

Unlike previous hosts Chris Rock and Jon Stewart, DeGeneres didn’t bring up politics or mock Hollywood pretensions, nor did she, to her credit, veer into Billy Crystal hamminess or Whoopi Goldberg smarm. There were no fashion meltdowns, provocative speeches, memorable jokes or appearances by Sean Penn — and it still ran long by almost an hour. It was an evening notable for not being notable. Still, we found a few gems worth mentioning.

Best Cheeze
An Oscar appearance by Celine Dion is usually the cue to heat up the fondue pot, but the chest-whacker was uncharacteristically subdued during her performance of I Knew I Loved You during a tribute to honorary Oscar winner Ennio Morricone. Instead, the fromage was brought by Pilobolus, a contortionist dance troupe that twisted themselves into movie images behind a scrim. Think Debbie Allen meets Mummenschanz.  

Best Diva Face-Off
Boo! to the control room, who cut away from best supporting actress winner Jennifer Hudson just before she hugged Beyonce, denying us the sight of J. Hud whispering, “Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, Hairweave, but I think an Oscar trumps a Grammy!” But the advantage went to Beyonce during their duelling Dreamgirls medley. Not only did Beyonce own the stage, the otherwise ever-flawless Hudson spent most of the performance with a boob on the brink of declaring mutiny from her gorgeous red dress.  

Best Cause
With the Oscars going green, hybrid cars were the new red ribbon. Global warming was the perfect cause for this year’s controversy-free Oscars — it’s not particularly divisive or contentious. Al Gore almost upstaged best director winner Martin Scorsese (finally!), as the former veep helped accept the award for An Inconvenient Truth and made a plea for the fight against global warming with fellow environmentalist Leonardo DiCaprio.

Best Public Display of Affection
With lesbians well-represented all around, from DeGeneres (who said in her monologue “if there weren't blacks, Jews or gays, there wouldn't be any Oscars, or anyone named Oscar”) to best costume design nominee Patricia Field to a couple of long-rumoured to be gay presenters, it’s fitting that the evening’s best PDA was between two women. When she heard her name announced for best song for I Need to Wake Up from An Inconvenient Truth, Melissa Etheridge kissed wife Tammy and then thanked her and their four children from the podium. In the pressroom backstage, Etheridge called the Oscars “a gay holiday” and held up her statue and joked, “This is the only naked man who will ever be in my bedroom.”

Best Old School Sass
Front row fixture Jack Nicholson might get the most shout-outs from the stage, but Meryl Streep’s glorious presence always seems the most awe-inspiring. In her tinted glasses and street vendor’s table worth of ethnic jewelry, Streep was the model of eccentric, I-don’t-give-a-damn-what-the-devil-wears cool. She even sold the cute but predictable routine between Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway about what a tough taskmaster she is, by glaring at them imperiously. Still, it was Jack’s shockingly bald head that stole the Oscars, especially because no one was ballsy enough to ask him about it. When he and a smoking hot Diane Keaton presented the best picture award they made the rest of the room look like a bunch of amateurs.  

Greatest Canadian
Though he was shut out as predicted, Ryan Gosling did his homeland proud: on the red carpet, with his arms around his two “dates” (his mom and his sister). The charming best actor nominee joked, “I thought I'd do it like Snoop.” Then his mom jumped in to say that “success hasn’t spoiled him.” Aww!

Best Montage
Given the super-sized running time, a couple of these should have been spiked, but the idea of commissioning directors like Errol Morris and Nancy Meyers to compile short films was inspired. Michael Mann’s clip choices for his take on how America is portrayed on film were particularly intriguing: all of them were related to racism, war, politics or violence and not a single one was about love.

Helen Mirren accepts the Oscar for best actress for her work in The Queen at the 79th Academy Awards. (Mark J. Terrill/Associated Press)

Best humour
In other years, Will Ferrell and Jack Black’s musical theatre number about being a comedian at the Oscars (he's “the saddest, bitterest, alcoholic clown”) would have been just mildly amusing. This time, it was the comedic highlight. Especially at the end when Ferrell and Black, joined by John C. Reilly, sang “Helen Mirren will be going home with me!” and the cameras cut to Mirren thoroughly enjoying the universal acknowledgement of her hotness. The Queen, indeed. 

Best Presenters
Aside from George Clooney’s ad lib about having drinks with Al Gore backstage, Jaden (insert his eleven middle names here) Smith and Abigail Breslin’s presentations of the short film awards (they're short — geddit?) were the most entertaining of the evening. Smith’s charming, oh-well shrug at flubbing a line was adorable, as was his parents’ amused and proud reaction. Will and Jada Smith seem like Hollywood’s sanest and healthiest parents.

Best Revenge
Tom Cruise’s presentation of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to ex-Paramount chair and pioneering female executive Sherry Lansing was more than just a pairing of two longtime friends and colleagues — it was a meeting of the pink-slipped. Both Cruise and Lansing were pushed out of Paramount by Sumner Redstone, who is chair of parent company Viacom. But look at who got the last laugh: not only was Cruise’s polished, low-key delivery a nice departure from his usual keee-razy (methinks somebody has a new publicist), but Lansing was a picture of poise, happiness and generosity.

Best Emotion in a Supporting Role
A tie between Forest Whitaker’s wife Keisha, who teared up during her husband's lovely tribute to the craft of acting (bonus points to Whitaker for not thanking an agent, publicist or lawyer) and Martin Scorsese getting verklempt when the legendary Thelma Schoonmaker picked up the best editing award for The Departed.

Best Moment
Any doubt that this was Martin Scorsese’s year disappeared when the director’s peers Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola took the stage to give out the best director award. Scorsese received his trophy to a standing ovation and then asked his friends to “double-check the envelope.”

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