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First Contact
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I am meeting someone for the first time and I want to make a
good impression. What would be good discussion topics? Are there any subjects
that might offend or that should be avoided for some other reason? What about
the use of humour?
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What do I need to know about the following communication
issues: An acceptable distance when speaking to someone? The importance of
making eye contact, physical contact, gestures, facial expressions, tone of
voice and directness?
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Are public displays of affection, anger or other emotions
acceptable? Are they common?
1. I am meeting someone for the first time and I want to make a
good impression. What would be good discussion topics? Are there any subjects
that might offend or that should be avoided for some other reason? What about
the use of humour?
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 When meeting Canadians for the first time, there are a
number of topics that can be touched upon. But the first question on first
contact will be: what do you do? Work/occupation is important to Canadians, and
it is also a social marker; it is what separates and defines a person in
relation to another. Another related topic of conversation is educational
attainment and/or professional experience.
Canadians are known for travelling and thus are curious about world geography
and other lands. When meeting someone a conversation may also touch on places
to visit, be it locally or overseas. They want to know about other places,
including the food, customs, music, the political climate. These interactions
may differ depending on how the contact is made. For instance, when meeting
someone for business, the conversation maybe confined to very safe and neutral
topics. When meeting people through friends or associations, the connection may
take a deeper level.
Canadians are keenly aware of "otherness", and consequently it is common to
hear: where are you from? as a first contact question. Asking questions like
this one is a way to assert identity, and establish the boundaries of
belonging. This is a question posed to Canadians from other regions, and
newcomers to Canada, as there is a strong sense in Canadian identity of what
one is not. This relation is expressed often to mark the differences between
provinces and also to assert their difference between themselves and their
Americans cousins.
Humour should be approached with caution in Canada, as in other places, because
the sense of political correctness is very strong in many social circles. Take
time to learn the appropriate and acceptable limits of humour to avoid the risk
of offending someone. However, it is important to note that humour is region
and city specific in some cases. In the East Coast of Canada, for instance,
humour can be self-effacing and people's sensitivities are tougher with more
tolerant limits. Similarly, Quebec has a different threshold for humour and
limits on the topics used.
Topics to be avoided on first contact are money, salary, religion, and
politics, especially the separatist movement. Newcomers to Canada can use the
interlocutor's cues for approaching topics or subjects during a first
rendezvous.
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 Good topics of conversation are: work, studies, the
weather (a good opener), one's house, vacations, sports (especially hockey,
American football, baseball, water sports and, increasingly, soccer/football)
and other leisure activities. Generally, Canadians are not comfortable talking
about salaries or personal finances and tend to steer away from discussing
emotions. Asking questions about marriage or children can be interpreted as too
personal by some.
Generally, it is good to keep conversation light and, if possible, funny. If
people really want to know a lot about a given subject, they will ask
questions; otherwise, it is best not to get too seriously into any one topic.
Appropriate topics of discussion will depend a lot on the crowd. Most Canadians
know something about local or national politics, but many do not concern
themselves with such issues. In any case, you will hear Canadians complain
about politics and politicians but they are also very sensitive to how they are
perceived by outsiders, so it is best to refrain from criticizing. Many
Canadians have travelled abroad and have differing degrees of exposure to the
ways of other countries. The more they have travelled, the more curious they
are likely to be about the perceptions of foreigners; I would not recommend
making this a main topic of conversation, however.
Canadians are often very proud of their natural surroundings, Canadian weather
and their heartiness with respect to enduring the weather. Canadian musicians,
writers, film producers and actors (comedians especially) are also a great
source of pride. Men in particular are proud of Canadian beer and hockey,
although women are increasingly a part of this sub-culture. Virtually all
Canadians are eager to distinguish themselves from Americans.
The best way to impress most Canadians is to show what you have noticed is
different from the United States, as there is a great deal of sensitivity and
concern about being lumped in with our powerful neighbour. Most Canadians see
themselves as humbler, funnier, more tolerant and/or less aggressive than
Americans. I would not recommend overly criticizing the US, however. Canada
depends on its neighbour and has strong cultural and historical ties. Many
Canadians have relatives who live in the US.
Canadians tend to be very politically correct and concerned with fairness,
although this varies from one region to the next and depends on the crowd. As
the cherished image of many Canadians is of a tolerant society that is also
more socially minded than that of the US, discussions of social classes, racial
or other discrimination and private medical care are to be approached with
care.
Generalizations about Canadians can also raise sensitive issues of regionalism.
Central Canadians typically claim to speak for the country and Quebecois,
people from the East Coast, the North, the West Coast, the West and the
Prairies frequently differ from Central Canadians' perspectives and are eager
to point out the differences. A similar dynamic operates between Toronto and
anyone outside of Toronto and there can be large cultural differences between
other cities as well.
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2. What do I need to know about the following communication
issues: An acceptable distance when speaking to someone? The importance of
making eye contact, physical contact, gestures, facial expressions, tone of
voice and directness?
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Canadians jealously guard personal space and privacy,
making them very reserved people. It takes a while for them to warm up to
newcomers, but this does not mean that Canadians are not welcoming. They are
quite civil and polite. Thus a first contact will almost never include
discussion on personal aspects of their lives, such as earnings, weight, diets,
health conditions, etc. This may change as the relationship develops or if it
fits with the purpose of the meeting.
When lining up in a public place, the bank for instance, Canadians require at
least 14 inches of space and some people need more. This rule should be applied
when speaking to Canadians, especially if the speaker is a man addressing a
woman. Men and women need and protect their space, sometimes with an active
signal or else with more subtle body language that has to be monitored at all
times. The rules vary from province to province, eg: in Quebec people may not
need as much personal space, and touching is more common. Typically, people
from Quebec greet each other using more physical signs such as hugs and kisses
and may offer kisses on the cheek to newcomers after a few encounters.
Men tend to gesture more while conversing than women, and young people more
than older people. In general; there is a unspoken code of decorum that has to
be observed in public places and which can only be broken in big gatherings
such as an outing to a restaurant. Making eye contact is a sign of respect and
sincerity. It also signals a real engagement between speakers. Most of the
issues of communication, especially tone of voice, directedness, and even
making eye contact are inscribed in a complex dynamics of gender and class;
those with more prestige can afford to break the rules and have the licence to
initiate or limit the degree of expression in the interaction.
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Canadians differ from one another. Ethnic background
and place of residence are important factors in determining peoples' level of
comfort with touching and gestures.
In general, however, Canadians expect a high degree of respect for public and
especially for private property and space. Canadians generally have a very
strong sense of space (no more or less than an arm's length); particularly when
speaking or dealing with strangers. It is best to carefully observe each
person's degree of comfort with touching and their preference for personal
space.
Canadians will not necessarily maintain constant eye contact, but it is
considered a sign of dishonesty or insecurity if a person refuses to or is
reluctant to make eye contact.
Also scorned are some personal habits associated with other cultures such as
clearing one's throat aggressively, not wearing deodorant, burping in public,
slurping, chewing with one's mouth open or spitting.
Canadians usually shake hands with both men and women, particularly in a public
or professional setting. In some cases, especially among friends in
French-speaking circles, men and women will often give each other a kiss on
each cheek. In English Canada, good friends will sometimes hug each other.
Generally, men do not touch other men beyond the standard handshake unless they
have reached a fairly high level of comfort with that person or they are
playing sports. This rule is similar for contact between men and women. Women
are less bound by these rules. However, holding hands and repeated or prolonged
physical contact is reserved for 'intimate' and/or exclusive relationships or
family (ie: not between friends). Family members will often maintain close
physical contact with young children.
Many Canadians find a lot of hand movement while talking distracting or even
annoying; some see it as a sign of insecurity. Nevertheless, Canadians may
expect people of other cultures to use more hand movements and gestures.
Mentioning the possible difference may be a way of gauging peoples' responses.
One gesture to avoid is waiving the index finger from side to side. This is
normally used with children and means, "no, you can't do that".
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3. Are public displays of affection, anger or other emotions
acceptable? Are they common?
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Consistent with a strong sense of personal space and
with protestant prudence, it is not that common to see Canadians displaying
affection in public. Strangers have verbally scorned me when I am hugging my
partner on the street.
There is an implicit acceptance of 'positive yet neutral' affection, for
instance, old friends meeting after a long time, congratulations for
achievements, etc. Yelling in public is uncommon, unless people are inebriated
or having a fit of road-rage. In the event that there is scene of violence or
someone is being attacked (verbally or physically), it is likely that the
Police would be called to intervene. Canadians, in general, avoid conflict and
confrontation and thus it is not common for people to intervene directly.
The rules for reacting and displaying affection and emotions are quite similar
in offices (private or public sector). Decorum is highly valued and this
implies limits on the types of displays of affection. The greeting is a
handshake, irrespective of the rank or gender of the persons. Well-acquainted
colleagues may permit themselves more open expressions of affection, including
kisses on the cheeks (Canadians - if and when they kiss - usually would give
two kisses, one on each cheek).
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