When we describe the ways people behave or relate to each other as "healthy"
or "normal," we probably think they are okay for us. We approve of
them. Saying something is "unhealthy" or "abnormal" suggests
that it is not okay. Sexuality is often strongly tied with how we see and accept
ourselves, so using these types of words can raise strong emotions in people.
How we each define what's healthy and normal for us and for others depends
on several different factors. These include:
- how we were brought up
- what religion we follow
- what culture we are from
- any other factors that
affect our beliefs and values.
One definition of sexual health comes from the Canadian Guidelines for Sexual
Health Education. It suggests that it is a balance between these two elements:
- Seeking the positive from sexual relationships, including:
- self-esteem
- respect for yourself
and others
- sexual satisfaction
without harming anyone.
- Avoiding the negative results, including:
- unwanted pregnancy
- sexually transmitted
infection
- pressure to have sex
when you don't want to
- problems having sex.
Based on that definition, here are some basic questions you can ask yourself:
My sexual behaviour
- Is it helping or hurting the overall quality of my life?
- Does it give me pleasure?
- Is it putting me or others at risk of harm (for example, sexually transmitted
infection)?
- Do my partner and I only have sex when we both want to?
- Do I lie to anyone about sex?
- Is it causing me or anyone else physical or emotional pain?
My sexual relationships
- Is my relationship equal, honest and respectful?
- Does it make me feel good or bad about myself?
- Does it follow my personal and family values?
Asking these kinds of questions can help us sort out changes we might want
to make in our lives. It may also help us decide whether to seek professional
help to make these changes.
Additional resources
Sexuality
– Spiderbytes
The Canadian Guidelines for Sexual Health Education –
Public Health Agency
of Canada
Sexuality and sexual health: online minicourse – EngenderHealth
Guldner, C. & Guldner, D. (1992). Sexual issues arising within the course
of couple therapy. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 1, 55-65.
To order reprints SIECCAN, Tel (416) 466-5304 Fax (416) 778-0785 e-mail:
sieccan@web.net
Fagan, P. (1996). Addressing sexual disorders from a four perspective model.
The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 5, 231-241. To order reprints
SIECCAN, Tel (416) 466-5304 Fax (416) 778-0785 e-mail: sieccan@web.net
Klein, M. (1992). Ask Me Anything: A Sex Therapist Answers the Most Important
Questions For The 90s. New York:
Simon & Schuster. ISBN: 0-671-76114-5.
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