Sex is supposed to feel good, so if you feel any pain or discomfort, it's
a sign that something is either physically or psychologically wrong.
Both men and women can experience pain or discomfort during any type of sexual
activity and particularly during intercourse. It can range from feeling mildly
uncomfortable to feeling intense pain and may or may not happen with visible
symptoms such as redness, bumps, rash, sores and swelling.
For men, the pain can be felt in the penis, in the testicles, in the anus or
deeper inside the body. For women, the pain can be felt anywhere in the vulva
area, at the vaginal opening, inside the vagina, in the anus or deeper inside
the body.
What could be causing my sexual pain or discomfort?
Physical conditions, diseases, certain medications, infections, pelvic surgeries
and STIs (sexually transmitted infections) are often the cause of pain
in the pelvic and genital areas during sex.
For men, sex can become painful or uncomfortable for several reasons. For example,
having a tight foreskin that doesn't pull back easily or stimulating your
penis without enough lubrication can cause pain during sexual activity.
For women, one of the most common causes is vaginal dryness. If you aren't
sufficiently lubricated when you start intercourse, the movement of your partner's
penis can irritate your vaginal walls. Vaginal dryness is likely to cause pain
if:
- You aren't getting enough time or sexual stimulation to become
aroused before starting intercourse.
- You're going through hormonal changes such as menopause.
- You're taking antihistamines or other medications.
- You have feelings (such as fear, anxiety, etc.) which get in the way
of your ability to relax and become aroused.
Some women have a condition called vaginismus. It makes the muscles at the
entrance of the vagina contract involuntarily and can make penetration painful
or even impossible. Usually this is caused by a psychological reaction that
a woman doesn't know she is having.
For both men and women, psychological, emotional or relationship factors have
been known to cause or contribute to sexual discomfort or pain. This may be
the case if you have:
- anxiety or depression
- negative feelings or attitudes towards sex
- past experiences of sexual abuse or trauma involving your genitals
- communication problems in your relationship.
What can I do to reduce the pain?
Here are a few suggestions that may help you to prevent or get rid of any pain
or discomfort during sex:
- Make sure you get enough time and stimulation to feel aroused and
lubricated.
- Use a water-soluble lubricant when stimulating your or your partner's
genitals and before intercourse.
- Ask your partner to be more gentle or to make slower movements.
- Change your position to one that is more comfortable for you.
Women with vaginismus can try:
- Pelvic muscle training
- Relaxation techniques
- Counselling
If you continue to feel pain during sex, stop what you're doing and explore
other activities that feel good, or you can choose to stop sexual activity altogether
until the pain and discomfort goes away.
You should never feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed to stop whatever you're
doing and to tell your partner that you're uncomfortable or feeling pain.
Pretending that everything is fine can actually make things physically and emotionally
worse.
If you're concerned that emotional or relationship factors could be affecting
you, you can ask yourself if there's anything about sex, your relationship,
or your partner that's making you uncomfortable. If you'd like to
explore this more, see the FAQ "How
can I improve my sex life".
If someone is abusing you or forcing you to have sex, it's important
for you to tell someone and get help. You can read more in the FAQ "What
should I do if I have been sexually assaulted?"
When should I talk to my doctor?
If you know or think you have a medical condition that could cause pain, or
if you also feel the pain during non-sexual activities like when you're
urinating, exercising, biking or sitting, you should talk to your health care
provider as soon as possible.
If your pain or discomfort continues to interfere with your enjoyment of sex,
you should talk with your health care provider.
Additional Resources
Pelvic
health centre - Women's
Health Matters (WHM)
Chronic
Pelvic Pain Health Centre - Women's
Health Matters (WHM)
Chronic
Pelvic Pain : A Patient Education Booklet - The International Pelvic Pain Society
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