It can be very difficult to talk about condoms or other safer sex practices,
but it is very important.
Talk about safer sex before you have sex!
Send a signal:
- Have condoms or dental dams available and visible in your bedroom, bathroom,
pocket or purse.
- Give a bouquet or a card expressing the wish to make love, and attach a
condom or dental dam.
How can I raise the subject with my partner?
You can try these:
- "Don’t you think that people these days need to always practice
safer sex?"
- "If our relationship is going to become sexual, we should use condoms."
- "This feels really good but I want to talk about how we can have safer
sex before we go any further."
What can I say if my partner doesn't want to use condoms?
You can try these:
- "I find putting on condoms very exciting."
- "Using condoms helps me relax and enjoy sex rather than worry about
the consequences."
- "I’ve heard that condoms help a man last longer."
- "Using condoms shows that we respect ourselves and each other."
Here are some other examples of how to talk about using condoms:
Question: "Don’t you trust me?"
Reply: "I do trust you, but either of us could have a virus and not know
it."
Comment: "Condoms don’t feel good."
Reply: "Let’s try it a few times. It’ll be more fun if we can
both relax.”
Question: "Aren’t you on the pill?"
Reply: "Yes, but that doesn’t stop sexually transmitted infections."
Other Suggestions:
- Put a drop of water-based lubricant inside the condom to increase sensation.
- Try using flavoured or coloured condoms (make sure they are made of latex);
they may make condom use seem sexier and more fun.
- Try using a female condom (see Question “What
is a female condom?”).
If you and your partner can’t agree, consider your options carefully.
If you still want to have sex, consider other safer sexual activities that do
not involve vaginal or anal intercourse (see Question “How
can I have sex more safely?”).
Additional Resources:
HIV
Transmission Guidelines for Assessing Risk. See Chapter 7. Increasing
and Reducing Risk: Barrier Methods for Sexual Transmission of HIV (PDF format)
– Canadian AIDS Society
For more information, contact your local
AIDS service organization or health care practitioner
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