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any people think that the turbulent teenage years are a time for young people to break away from their former relationships with adults. It's a time when friends become all-consuming, leaving parents and teachers on the sidelines…

Think again. In fact, adolescence is a time when teens need caring adults more than ever.

Recent research shows that strategies that build on young people's strengths and resilience promote healthy development and successful learning more effectively than focusing on problems and deficits. By fostering connections, competence, coping skills, and responsible behaviour, parents and educators can prevent problems from developing and help youth to face challenges creatively. Youth who feel connected and safe at home, at school and in the community have consistently better health, take fewer risks, and have higher education aspirations.(Healthy Youth Development: Highlights from the 2003 Adolescent Health Survey III, 2004. McCreary Centre Society)

Adults in families and schools need to create safe environments for youth, have high, expectations for them, and provide opportunities for them to demonstrate competencies and participate in their schools and communities.

The years between 10 and 24 span a critical stage of life. During adolescence, many behaviours that influence well-being in adult life are initiated or firmly set in place. This is also a critical time for developing skills that may determine future success or failure in school and work, and in the ability to form meaningful, lasting relationships.

A young person's sense of connection to family has a strong impact on his or her health and behaviour. (Healthy Youth Development: Highlights from the 2003 Adolescent Health Survey III, 2004). Feeling connected to a family seems to promote resilience- an ability to cope with stressful circumstances or events.

When a young person is attached to family members (parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles or aunts) this attachment becomes a resource that he or she can depend on during times of stress or in reaction to difficult experiences or decisions.

Strong family connections also reduce risks for youth. A recent school-based study of teenagers in British Columbia found that students with a strong family connection are more likely to rate their health as good or excellent, and less likely to smoke cigarettes or marijuana, get into fights, drink alcohol, experience emotional distress or consider suicide (McCreary Centre Society, Adolescent Health Survey III. 2004).

There are many ways that parents can connect with their teenagers

• Be supportive of your teenager
  • Listen and be interested
    Take the time to listen and get involved in your teen's life. Show them that you are interested in them -- in their sports, their hobbies, their friends. Young people want to know they matter to you and that you care.
    
    
  • Be understanding
    When adults struggle with their own responsibilities (ie. Mortgages and job security), they sometimes overlook and trivialize the struggles youth are facing. But it's important to understand the developmental stage of adolescence and understand that this is the time that youth are developing a sense of self and social awareness. To a young person who just got a C on a test, whose best friend won't talk to her, or who is the last one of his friends to shave, these are major issues.
    
    
  • Make room for peer activities
    Developing close friends is an essential part of healthy youth development. Don't jump to quick judgments about your teenager's friends based on clothes, appearance, language or interests.
    
    
• Create positive family communication
  • Reduce adult relationship conflict
    Young people will learn communication habits by observing the adult role models in their lives. Conflict between adults also creates tension and hostility within the family that young people are sensitive to. Learn how to communicate in healthy ways and to resolve differences of opinion in respectful and productive ways. If you need to, seek support from a counselor for help in practicing healthy communication.
    
    
• Have expectations
  • Have youth involved around the home
    Expect your teen to be involved around the house with chores or making meals or maintaining the yard.
  • Expect your teen to do well in school
    This doesn't mean focusing on grades and expecting her to get all A's. But it does mean doing homework, completing assignments, and attending classes. Ask your teen about what she is learning in school and about school assignments.
  • Involve young people in decisions that affect them
    Teens want to be included in decisions that affect the whole family as well as decisions that affect them directly. If there is a problem in the family (money problems, job pressures, an impending divorce, a serious illness), they want to know about it. Teens are often more concerned about current events than their parents realize. When something happens in the world or in their community, they want to talk about it. Talk to your teen instead of saying, "You're too young," or "It's too complicated to explain."
  • Spend time together
    Be there. Close relationships with parents are still the best insurance that teens will choose friends their parents like and resist negative peer pressure. Above all, don't assume that your teen doesn't need you any more. Get to know your teen over lunch or dinner. Research shows that sharing family meals promotes family connectedness.

For more information try TeenTouch or Family TLC.

When students feel connected to their schools, academic and social learning can take place, and youth are more likely to choose healthy behaviours. For example, the McCreary's Adolescent Health study in B.C. found that youth who are highly connected to school report better health and engage in fewer risky activities compared to those who have lower levels of school connectedness. Feeling safe at school is another protective factor strongly linked to better physical and emotional health, and reduces risk taking, especially among younger students (McCreary Centre Society, Adolescent Health Survey III. 2004).

This experience of school connectedness among students is the result of a positive school climate that is cultivated by a number of characteristics such as:

• Expect commitment from students
• A caring school climate
• Have clear rules and consequences
• Provide positive, responsible adult role models
• Expect students to do well.
• Make room for students to establish friendships who model positive, responsible, healthy behaviour (ie. provide and promote extracurricular activities)

(Source: Growing Absolutely Fantastic Youth: A Guide to Best Practices in Healthy Youth Development. Konopka Institute for Best Practices in Adolescent Health, 2000)

When teens feel they belong at school, when they feel they are treated fairly and the adults are non-judgmental, young people connect in a positive way. Teachers having the most contact with students play a pivotal role in connecting youth to their school.

• Involve students in planning, problem solving, identifying issues, and assessing curriculum in the classroom.
• Promote cooperation over competition. Offer opportunities for the class to work together to help everyone achieve their potential.
• Build a strong relationship with each student.
• Involve all students in tasks and responsibilities in the classroom.
• Convey attentiveness to students and excitement about learning through nonverbal communication (ie. tone of voice and body language).
• Integrate concepts of discipline and respect for classmates through instruction.
• Use inclusive "we" language when presenting classroom activities (we, us, let's).

Source: Improving the Odds: The Untapped Power of Schools to Improve the Health of Teens
Blum, Robert William; McNeely, Clea; Rinehart, Peggy Mann. Department of Pediatrics, University of Minnesota. 2002

So when you think you don't have a place in a teenager's life, remember the importance of creating positive adult-youth relationships in the family, in schools and in the community. Youth need to learn life skills as well as prevention skills and to feel a sense of optimism, hope and belonging.