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Shouldn't they know better?
When adults see teenagers smoking at the local mall or drinking alcohol behind the arena, our first reaction is often shock and concern. Most adults view adolescence as a time of flirting with danger and taking risks, a time when teens get into trouble and it's up to us to keep them safe.
Activities like smoking, drinking, challenging authority, or experimenting with sex are seen as problem behaviours that we need to fix. This perspective, however, can actually prevent us from understanding why teens participate in these activities and what they get out of them. Our challenge is to accept that some risk taking is a normal part of being a teenager
to find effective ways to reach out to teens and to provide the supports to help them stay healthy and safe.
"Our challenge is to accept that some risk taking is a normal part of being a teenager."
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Understanding teens
Adolescence is a time where youth actively and consciously create a new identity for themselves. It's a time in which they:
- define new boundaries for themselves
- assert their independence and individuality
- create a sense of control in their lives.
This is also a time where a shift in emphasis takes place from the family to a broader array of influences from peer groups, friends, the media, and other adults. Gaining acceptance from peers and feeling socially included become top priorities. Youth become increasingly aware of social norms and roles played out in the media. Images and messages from pop culture such as movies, music, TV, video games, and even the Internet are increasingly part of a growing social awareness that takes place during adolescence and can influence behaviour.
As a way of creating a unique sense of self, teens try-on adult roles and behaviours. What matters most to them is a sense of autonomy and self-determination. What bugs teens the most? Being told what to do, including no, you can't and don't.
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When is the risk too great?
If you are unsure about the impact of risky behaviours on your teenager or are worried about his or her safety, it's always a good idea to look for help.
Fortunately, there are a number of resources available online:
- Parenting Today's Teens: A Survey And Review Of Resources is a resource on parenting including organizations, websites, training opportunities, and printed and video materials among other things.
It's put together by the Public Health Agency of Canada.
- BC Council for Families has resources about strengthening families as well as information specifically on parenting teens.
- How to get through to your teen is a resource describing the process of changing behaviour, focusing on substance use behaviour, and what parents can do to support the process of change.
Put together by the Alberta Alcohol and Drug Abuse Commission, this website also has resources on talking to your teen about alcohol or drug use.
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Taking the teen perspective on risky behaviours
All too often, our messages to youth about avoiding risky behaviours focus entirely on the problems of the behaviour while ignoring what the youth get out of it. Let's take teen smoking for example:
The adult view:
Adults see smoking as a bad habit that will have negative, long-term health impacts.
The teen view:
Teens view smoking as a way to demonstrate independence, try out an adult behaviour, be a bit rebellious and gain acceptance from a group of friends.
It's not enough to just tell teens to say no to smoking. Besides being ignored, this approach does nothing to help create healthy, independent, and freethinking individuals who can make informed decisions for themselves. To keep teenagers safe, we need to give them alternatives that also help them meet their goals, such as peer acceptance and self-determination.
An anti-smoking campaign with teen appeal
When the American
Legacy Foundation set about to design an anti-smoking campaign for
youth, they started by asking what do teenagers value?
Together with some prominent advertising agencies, they created the innovative truth campaign to motivate teenagers to act on their values.
The campaign set out to expose Big Tobacco's marketing practices and to highlight the impact of tobacco on health in gross-out, extreme ads designed to appeal to teenagers. The theme was Ask questions. Seek truth.
By giving teenagers something they wanted instead of taking something away, the campaign was successful at changing their behaviour.
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Reaching out to teens
Given that experimentation and risk taking are normal and significant parts of healthy teen development, how can adults help keep teens healthy and safe? We can encourage youth to make healthy choices by acknowledging and supporting their desire to make decisions for themselves.
To support and mentor youth, we can:
- provide the information they need to make informed decisions
- present reasonable alternatives that allow them to meet their goals
- review choices and problem-solve with them.
In his work with youth and families, Dalhousie University Social Work professor Michael Unger has developed approaches to help parents, including:
- Share your own experiences
Your 14-year-old son is interested in snowboarding and wants to learn how to do jumps and spins down the half pipe.
Instead of saying...
No, it's too risky. You're just going to end up breaking your neck!
Try this!
Remind yourself how much fun it was for you to learn to ski. Suggest that your son take lessons to learn the right techniques, including using proper safety equipment like helmets.
Gradual skill development will go a long way to reducing risk of injury in sport.
Adults who share information about their own struggles through life have the greatest influence on their children. Instead of telling teens what to do, (which is often different than what we did ourselves as adolescents) share your own experiences and what you learned from them.
- Open up a dialogue
You find out that your 16-year-old daughter has been smoking with a new group of friends.
Instead of...
Beginning a 10-minute lecture on the dangers of smoking...
Try this!
Talk to your teen about her friends, what she likes about them, and where she sees herself fitting in.
Talk about the peer pressure that you faced when you were her age and share how you dealt with it.
Alternatives to smoking will depend on what matters to your daughter, not what you think should matter.
By having a conversation instead of giving a lecture, you acknowledge her independence and ability to make her own decisions yet are still involved in her decision-making process.
Through dialogue and listening, adults begin to understand what is important to teens and gain an opportunity to suggest meaningful and plausible alternatives to risk-taking behaviours.
- Encourage making informed choices
Your 15-year-old daughter is posting a lot of personal information on the Internet.
Instead of...
Forbidding her from using the computer—except for school-related projects.
Try this!
Sit down and talk to your daughter about how to evaluate information on the Internet and recognize credible and trustworthy sources.
Remind her that nothing on the Internet is completely private. Give her information so that she can make informed decisions and can keep herself safe online.
When we offer teens choices, we provide them with powerful alternatives to risk-taking behaviours. By building capacities within young people to critically evaluate choices according to their own values, we help them navigate challenges and negative influences from other people.
Teens will inevitably take risks during their journey to adulthood, but we can help reduce the negative impact of those risks by understanding what they get out of it. By meeting teens where they are at, we will help them make healthy choices and navigate challenges throughout their lives.
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This article was prepared by 
