From Victim to Survivor: A Group Treatment Model for Women Survivors of Incest.

Introduction

This "Victim to Survivor Group", as the program has come to be known, has been in operation continuously since that time. The "Victim to Survivor Group" conducted by the Family Service Centre of Ottawa Carleton (FSC) is a twenty-week program that is held twice yearly beginning in February and September of each year. Each group consists of a maximum of ten participants and is closed to new members once the group begins. Sessions are held on a weekly basis and are two and a half hours in length. Each group is facilitated by two female co-therapists.

Requests for the group treatment program have far exceeded the agency's capacity for response. As knowledge of this program has spread, other mental health professionals involved in the treatment of this population have requested information on this model of group treatment.

This manual is a response to these requests for resource information regarding the design and implementation of group treatment programs for women incest survivors. The task of observing and then delineating the treatment model was undertaken by Brenda Saxe of the University of Ottawa as part of a larger program of group treatment evaluation that served as her doctoral dissertation.

Dr. Susan Johnson of the University of Ottawa, Pauline Barrett, Lorna Erickson-Fraser, Kathi Kalil, and Nicki Collins of the Family Service Centre of Ottawa-Carleton have generously contributed to this manual as did the women in the "Victim to Survivor" groups who graciously consented to participate in the evaluation research. This manual is intended to provide ideas and suggestions for other professional agencies who wish to either begin group treatment programs or acquire new ideas for established groups.

The impact of incest on the lives of women

Although each woman responds in her own way to the experience of incest in her life, research indicates that there are many common concerns among women with such a history. A comprehensive review of the effects of incest can be found in Healing the Incest Wound by Christine A. Courtois (1988).

Indeed the passage of time does not appear to ease the impact that incest has upon the lives of women and the trauma may continue to influence many aspects of the woman's life even though the abuse may have occurred many years previously. Feelings such as intense shame and low self-esteem frequently interfere with the completion of important life tasks such as obtaining an education, establishing a nurturing relationship, and/or starting and raising a family. Such negative feelings can often lead women with a history of childhood incest into life situations and/or relationships that result in revictimization.

Often the shame, guilt, and pain that women experience as a result of incest are found hidden in substance abuse or other destructive behaviours, such as promiscuity or eating disorders. Many women experience actual physical symptoms that can become debilitating over time. Anxiety and fear continue for many survivors of childhood incest. Such anxieties may take the form of panic attacks, sleep disturbances, and/or constant hypervigilence. Women who have experienced incest often suffer from-uncontrollable flashbacks to the abuse situations and scenarios. Depression is one of the most common aftereffects of incest. Chronic depression can result in persistent suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. Many women describe themselves as numb, not living, or not real.

Most women survivors of incest believe themselves to be very different from other people because of their experiences. The inherent need and pressure for secrecy around incest has isolated them from others from their childhood onward, perpetuating their distress and shame. Most believe they will remain alone isolated and frightened because of childhood events.

Perhaps the most tragic aftereffect of incest is the enormous difficulty that survivors often have in trusting others and in forming satisfying intimate and loving relationships. Relationships with significant others are often described as empty and strained, the women seeing themselves as being either a sexual object for their partner's use or as the one who must take care of all the partner's needs. In addition, many survivors frequently oscillate between rage and helplessness against all of the important people in their lives - parents, siblings, partners, and even their own children. Such feelings of rage and helplessness may be a recreation of those they experienced as powerless children.

Although each woman may respond differently to incest, it is clear that some of the consequences are often serious enough to cause a woman to seek treatment. In treating women survivors of incest, the aftereffects are to be viewed as consequences of the untreated original trauma. The coping skills that a child develops in order to survive an untenable situation often become maladaptive in adult life. The skills that were needed to survive the feelings and fears of a child are best recognized as valuable coping tools that may have become outdated and need to be modified. Therefore emphasis is now focused on normalizing these coping strategies.

The value of group treatment

Women survivors of incest often seek treatment in individual therapy, generally for problems other than incest. Since approximately one in four female children will have experienced some form of sexual molestation from a trusted family or extended family member by the age of eighteen, the difficulties of a woman seeking treatment may be due to an unresolved incest trauma. A gentle and direct approach in the initial therapy interview can help determine whether this is the case. Individual therapy with a warm and caring therapist can help a woman with her first disclosures of incest and her retrieval of memories of the abuse. (It allows for disclosure in a safe environment, it helps the woman establish a trusting relationship, and it provides a place wherein she can explore and confirm her perceptions and emotions.)

Since this manual outlines a treatment model which is group centred rather than individual in nature, a rationale for this type of approach follows.

The group format: a rationale

The act of attending a group is, in and of itself, a public acknowledgment of the incest and may release the woman with such a history from her burden of secrecy which is so much a part of the incest dynamic. Group members often come to recognize that they are not alone and share commonalities of the experience resulting in similar personal and interpersonal difficulties. The commonalities among group members frequently serve to normalize these experiences and problems. The latter may include such feelings as low self-esteem, guilt, depression, suicidal ideation, as well as problems with intimacy and sexuality. Ultimately, these should be viewed not as character defects but rather as common reactions to the incestuous abuse.

Involvement in a group with other survivors is believed to have additional benefits for the incest client besides reducing isolation. Group therapy provides an environment that encourages interactions and supportive relationships between group members. In a group, individuals who have been victimized can begin to see themselves as helpful to other people, thus increasing their feelings of self-esteem and control. Group members may develop friendships with each other, perhaps learning for the first time how to create intimate, trusting and mutually satisfying relationships.

The group often serves as a "new family" for members which may make it somewhat easier to deal with family-of-origin problems since they can often be rehearsed and worked through in the group without fear of rejection or reabuse.

The group is a powerful stimulus for identifying and exploring feelings about the incest as well as long-held beliefs regarding childhood rules and messages fostered within the abusive family. For example, although a group member often believes that she was responsible for and deserved her own sexual abuse, she will rarely believe that the other group members caused or deserved their abuse. As members reconnect with and work through their memories, the group provides a uniquely supportive atmosphere because of the commonality of experience and the ability to identify with each others' emotions.

Finally, the group presents an opportunity for the practice of new social skills. Group members can try on new behaviours and learn to give and receive feedback in a supportive environment.

When conceptualizing incest and its aftereffects, the authors believe that a synthesis of perspectives from both the feminist and traumatic stress model is useful.

Submission and secrecy are enforced in situations of violence against women and children. The patriarchal structure of society perpetuates notions of male domination and power, serving to limit a woman's choices and keep violence both accepted and hidden. The feminist model has, at its core, the validation of women's' experience: the woman is the expert on her experience and knows what she needs in order to heal and move forward. This group treatment model adopts a feminist approach: the aftereffects of incest, whether they be physical symptoms or general life difficulties, are viewed not as psychopathology, but as creative attempts to cope with and survive the negative impact of incest. Some of the "survival skills" employed by incest victims may become problematic, in effect keeping the woman from reaching her potential of health and growth. A feminist approach to their treatment allows women to explore their symptoms and difficulties in a safe and supportive environment, learning that these are related to the original trauma and can therefore be defined as coping mechanisms created in response to the incest experiences. Such a set of normal reactions to abnormal situations can now be examined with less anxiety. The woman learns that she can control her future-the direction of her life as she moves from victim to survivor.

The traumatic stress model deals with incest as a catastrophic event that shatters a child's view of the world as a safe and predictable place. Post-traumatic symptoms develop as a result of responses to severely negative life events and have been well documented with respect to such events as horrific warfare, torture, rape, etc. Common reactions to catastrophic situations include cyclic phases of both intrusive symptoms flashbacks to the event, nightmares, panic attacks, sleep disturbances, and hypervigilance, as well as avoidance symptoms such as withdrawal, dissociation, and numbing. Similar symptoms can be part of an incest survivor's reaction, the result of repeated and prolonged sexual violation perpetrated on a child who is powerless to escape.

The authors believe that such post-traumatic stress symptoms, when explored in a safe and supportive environment, can be related to the original trauma and reframed as past coping mechanisms created in order to survive the ordeal of incest.

Within this feminist and traumatic stress model of incest, the therapeutic orientation of the "Victim to Survivor" group treatment model arises from a synthesis of humanistic existential and experiential perspectives based on the work of Carl Rogers and Fritz Perls, respectively. According to humanistic-existential theory, individuals are seen as having inherent tendencies to survive and grow and develop their capabilities in ways that will serve to maintain or enhance their beings. In an experiential view of human functioning, people are also active perceivers of their world and construct meanings and organize what they see or hear on the basis of their current emotional state and experiential organizations. It is these perceptions that determine behaviour at any given moment. Thus acceptance of "what is" at any given moment is the cornerstone of the therapeutic relationship. From this stance, the therapist attempts to enter the world of the incest survivor in a respectful and nondirective way and to help her explore that world from her perspective and frames of reference. The individual is the authority on her own experience and her experience is the primary reference point which guides all therapeutic interventions. As with the general population, members of Victim-to-Survivor groups are striving for wholeness and integrity. This is why they have requested help in identifying those aspects of their experience that block effective living for them.

It is hoped that the information in this treatment manual will encourage those in the mental health field who work with women survivors of incest and who wish to establish their own group treatment programs to do so. This manual is, however, a guideline, not a substitute for sound clinical skills and experience in working with survivors of incest. Furthermore, modifications to the treatment protocol may be appropriate depending on the resources available and on the unique personality and needs of each group.

The treatment model: an overview

• the imposition of a time limit establishes firm and clear boundaries from the outset. This is of special importance for those women whose own boundaries may be diffuse and ambiguous;
• a time limit promotes goal-oriented work, facilitates bonding, diminishes the womens' reluctance or difficulty in sharing emotionally- charged material, and helps them look toward the future rather than focusing solely on the past;
• a time-limited group allows more women to have access to the program.

1) establishing a safe place,

2) breaking the silence,

3) working through, and

4) reintegration and termination.

Each session builds on the previous week's work, providing a level of comfort and safety which enhances the treatment experience for group members.

Phase One

Phase Two

Of particular significance during this phase is that the telling of her "story" and the traumas associated with it by each individual has a rippling effect and is experientially shared by other members who have had similar experiences. Thus, the initial feelings of well-being experienced by the women during the first phase is often quickly followed by the return and worsening of symptoms as the stories unfold. The intrusive or numbing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder frequently return as the women begin to reconnect, to re-remember and process their own experiences.

Bonding can be accelerated as the women begin to take on supportive and helping roles with each other. Although the facilitation of group cohesion is necessary, the leaders must be aware that coping skills will vary and intervention may be required to make certain the group members pay attention to their own care and safety.

Phase Three

In order to begin the "working through" phase, each woman is encouraged to share her goals arising from joining this group. She is invited to use the group's help in order to reach these goals- to learn to say "No" to the feelings or to those who are preventing her from moving forward. Such learning usually takes place during "working through" exercises, which entail reprocessing at an experiential level the negative affect associated with the incest. Each group member is invited to identify her personal goals and to use the group in order to obtain these goals. Each woman is then encouraged to engage in a "working through" exercise to say "No" to the feelings or people that are preventing her from moving forward.

All "working through" exercises are done on a one-to-one leader and group member basis in view of the other group members. During these exercises, one of the group leaders, using experiential techniques, evokes and accesses the core negative beliefs and/or feelings that are blocking the member's ability to establish healthy boundaries and/or behaviours. An essential component of the exercise involves the group leaders using the accessed emotion(s) as an agent of change so that the group member can begin to experience herself as empowered and begin to assert herself in growth-promoting ways. Who or what each woman needs to say "No" to will depend on her individual goals and her sense of what she needs in order to move forward from victim to survivor.

During the "working through" phase, the women begin to focus on the differences between them as opposed to group commonalities that were so pronounced during the first two phases. As a result, transference issues are more noticeable and conflict may begin to arise both between group members and between the members and the group leaders. At this time group process issues are addressed as they arise but the primary focus remains on achieving each individual's personal goals by working through the traumatic material. Thus the "Victim to Survivor" theme continues to regulate the group process so that the group can continue to be productive and move forward.

Phase Four

General guidelines for group structure and Format

The Setting

Group Leadership

It is essential that the group leaders have an excellent knowledge and understanding of survivor issues as well as the sensitivity and clinical skills to deal with those issues. Many of the group interactions will need to be understood in terms of incest dynamics and the group leaders need to be aware of these in order to intervene effectively. They will be called upon to be equally empathic, reliable and available to all group members.

Ground Rules

Confidentiality

Attendance and Punctuality

A woman who has missed more than two sessions is called by one of the group leaders, to explore her reasons for not coming. If the woman wishes to leave the group, she is invited to come back to a final group session in order to tell the other members about her decision and to say good-bye. This session often gives her opportunities to receive feedback from the group and reevaluate her decision. If she is still determined to leave, her decision is respected.

Expression of Emotion

As well, many women in the group may fear that they will not be able to regain control if they allow themselves to access and release their emotions. They need to be assured of group support and of their own abilities to recover. In times of distress, a woman may need a time-out away from the group, and it is important that each group member know that she can ask for this. Finally, although hugging and giving physical comfort are encouraged between members and with the group leaders, each member also has a right to say whether or not she wants to be touched.

Rules of Communication

1. Be honest and open.

2. Respect each woman's right to her opinion.

3. Don't interrupt. You will have your turn to speak.

4. Listen carefully to what each other has to say.

5. Only one person should speak at a time.

6. Speak about your behaviour and feelings use "I" messages rather than "you" messages.

7. Be constructive in your comments to other group members.

8. Be careful not to speak for others. Your way of doing things and your feelings about things may not be the same as someone else's.

Group Format

The session format is as follows:

1. Housekeeping

2. Personal Time

3. Journal Time

4. Main Work

5. Home Work

6. Go-Around

Although there is value in the familiarity of a consistent pattern, any format must be flexible. As the group moves through different phases, the times allotted for various activities may change. For example, during Session Four, a combining of Personal and Journal Time is suggested in order to devote more time to the Main Work. Decisions to modify the format are not made unilaterally, but through collaborative discussion with group members.

Along with the poster displaying the format of each group session, a poster outlining the overall plan of the 20-week group treatment program is also displayed at each meeting. The purpose of this poster to help lessen anxiety among group members by giving them information about what to expect. This is meant to diminish feelings of helplessness or loss of control feelings which may be similar to those they experienced or may still be experiencing within their own family environment.

The overall plan of the twenty week group treatment program is displayed as follows:

Session One to Three:

Definitions and Views about Incest.

Sessions Four to Eight:

Telling Our Stories.

Sessions Nine and Ten:

Introducing Change.

Sessions Eleven to Nineteen:

Understanding Old Patterns and Learning New.

Session Twenty:

Celebration.

The selection and assessment of group members

Group Formation

These interviews are conducted approximately one month before the beginning of each new group. The initial interview serves as an opportunity for the prospective group member to meet one of the group leaders, address any anxieties and concerns that she may have about the program, and become acquainted with overall goals, structure, process, and content of the group. These interviews enable the group leaders to help the prospective group members determine their readiness for group treatment. For example, some women may be dealing with other severe life crises or may be so overwhelmed by their incest experience that more individual work is needed before they are able to cope with additional group work. Once ten prospective group members are accepted into the group, the group is closed.

Selection Criteria

Prospective group members:

1. must be 18 years of age or over.

2. must not be living in the home of the person(s) identified as the abuser(s).

3. must preferably be in concurrent individual therapy; if not in concurrent individual therapy, the prospective group member must have at least one individual that she is able to confide in while dealing with the intense feelings engendered by the group treatment process.

4. must make a commitment to attend all 20 sessions.

5. must be able to make some connection in her own mind between past incest experiences and present difficulties.

6. must not be abusing drugs or alcohol and must not be actively suicidal. (Many survivors are always concerned with suicide and always consider it an option.)

7. must express some positive feelings about participating in a group with other incest survivors and be willing to see incest as the central issue of the group.

When selecting members for the group, it is also preferable not to have one woman who may feel isolated due to age, sexual preference, or minority status. The feelings of being different from others, so often a consequence of incest, are reinforced if the survivor is substantially different from all other members of the group. If this is the case, the prospective member is advised and the decision of whether or not to attend that particular group is hers to make.

The Assessment Interview

The group leader generally begins the assessment interview by reviewing the reasons for the interview and by asking the prospective group member her purposes in seeking group treatment. The response often leads into a discussion about the expectations of the prospective group member. A time-limited group treatment program is only one part of the overall process of healing and it is important that the prospective group member not enter the group with the expectation that healing will be completed by the end of the 20week program. The prospective group member is also encouraged to talk about any other group experiences that she may have had. (An extremely negative group orientation may indicate that group work is inappropriate for this individual.)

The group leader also presents information about the duration, structure, and orientation of the group to the prospective group member. For example, it is stressed that the group is time-limited, therapeutic in nature as opposed to a support or self-help group, that it is led by two professional co-therapists, that it will have 10 participants, and that it is closed to newcomers once the group begins.

The group is explained as providing a safe place where group members can deal with their issues around abuse and receive validation and support from others with similar experiences. Although it is difficult to present all details about the conducting of the group during the interview, it is important that the group leader ask what the prospective group member needs to know about the group in order to make her decision about whether the group is appropriate for her. Commitments are discussed, as well as an exploration of the prospective group member's current life situation.

Ideally, the prospective member should not be anticipating any major life changes- the birth of a child, starting a new job- during the 20 weeks of the program. If a major life change is expected, the potential group member may decide to wait for a more appropriate time to enter a group treatment process. The prospective group member should be functioning reasonably well on a daily basis. It is essential for her to be aware that participation in the group may result in the renewal of many painful memories around the abuse, which may in turn result in temporary disorientation and disorganization. At this point the prospective member can be asked about any history of suicide attempts or addictive behaviour. If the original intent of the behaviours was to dull or erase the painful memories and feelings around the abuse and these memories and feelings resurface during group sessions, then it is likely that these same escape mechanisms will once again become attractive. Further, if a group member is abusing drugs or alcohol, the "Victim to Survivor Group" is not appropriate for this time (and will have more value to the applicant once the addictive behaviour is under control).

Another important issue that must be assessed during the interview is the level of current support available to the prospective group member. The best situation is that the prospective group member has an ongoing relationship with a therapist or, if that is not the case, at least one safe friend with whom to process the group experience. Group members often re-experience highly symptomatic effects which may be experienced both inside and outside of the group situation. It is essential that the group leader have some idea about how symptoms will be managed and to whom the prospective group member can turn for support.

The group leader should also ask the prospective group member about her sexual abuse history and determine if disclosure within the assessment interview causes extreme anxiety or dissociation, for it is during this interview that the prospective group member is advised that she will be asked to tell her own personal story to the group. Since many women express discomfort on learning this, they will appreciate the interviewer offering an explanation of the rationale for telling of personal incest experiences.

Throughout the assessment interview the prospective group member is assisted in an honest assessment of her needs and the best available ways to meet those needs. This can be a very positive experience for the prospective group member even if the final decision is to delay entry into the group. She may become aware during the interview that she is not quite ready for group work and it is important to let her make that decision first.

The leaders are ultimately responsible for the selection of the group members and their well-being while they are in the group. If it is decided that a prospective group member not participate at this time, the leader should clearly indicate why this is so and should assist the woman in finding more appropriate alternatives to provide the necessary support, be it more individual work, an Alcoholics Anonymous program, etc.

If the group leader does accept the prospective group member, it is still important that the latter consider her decision for two or three days before definitely committing to the group. This lets the prospective group member know from the beginning that she has choices in decisions that affect her life and that her choices are respected.

If the group leader feels that the prospective group member can benefit and is appropriate for the group, a letter is sent (see page 22) indicating that her place in the group is confirmed if she still wishes to join but that she must call to reiterate her commitment to attend.

Sometimes, even the most careful assessment and selection, and firm commitments from each of the ten potential members yields a group in which there is one person who does not complete the twenty-week program.

Acceptance letter

Dear _____________________:

We are happy to inform you that your application to enter the next "Victim to Survivor Group" has been accepted. The 20-week group treatment program will begin February 26th, 199_ at 7:00 p.m. at our offices at 119 Ross Avenue, Ottawa, Ontario.

It is important that you confirm with us your intention to join the Group as we have other applicants who are on a waiting list. In order to hold your place, could you please phone your response to us no later than February 10th.

We look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,

Overview

As well as outlining the steps taken in each session, verbatim instructions have been provided wherever possible. Problems that may arise as well as clinical issues have been included within session guidelines. A section referred to as ``Theme modules`` that deals with specific topics found to be of particular concern to incest survivors has been included following the Treatment Protocol and may be incorporated into a group session as needed.

Session One

Suggestions for preparation

Supplies:

• 12 one-inch, three-ring binders- avoiding black and red
• 24 Dividers: three-ring with tabs
• 400 pages of three-holed lined paper
• 12 white, self-adhesive labels for the front of the journal
• name tags
• colored markers or pens
• Poems such as When We Speak and The Nature of This Flower Is To Bloom

• Quotes from survivors of incest from Conspiracy of Silence by Sandra

• Definition of Incest (see page 37)
• Pictures cut from magazines for decorating the Journals (for example, landscapes, teddy bears, flowers, rainbows)
• These items are assembled into Journals by the group leaders before the Session begins.

Handouts:

• 12 copies of "Consent to Exchange Information" forms (page 34)

Introduction

Once all members have arrived and are seated, they are officially welcomed by both group leaders. At this time it is important to help the women feel at ease. They should be commended for their courage in attending the group and the leaders should acknowledge any feelings of anxiety or apprehension.

Housekeeping

At this session, the group leaders also give a short history of the group and discuss both the ground rules and rules of communication. The posters with the rules of communication and the group format are pointed out to the group members. A book is presented to each group member called The Take Care Book: A Handbook About Women's Health. This book deals with women's health issues and is available (at the time of this printing) free of charge from The Women's Health Project, 216 Simcoe Street, Peterborough, Canada, K9H 2H7.

Personal Time

Journal Time

Main Work

The first session of Main Work is called "Brainstorming". In this session, group members are asked to respond to the words "Incest", "Victim", and "Survivor". A flip chart is used during this exercise and the words are written as they are expressed by the women. For example, as each woman responds to the word "Incest", her word or thought or feeling is written on the flip chart. This exercise is a nonthreatening way to begin dealing with feelings and issues surrounding incest. As well, during this exercise, group leaders may become aware of what kinds of feelings group members have, who will have difficulty responding and who will not. It also provides an opportunity for group members to observe what others feel. For example, if one is afraid to say a certain word and another member is able to, that member will get a sense of "Yes, I am home here, she understands", or "I was afraid to say that but someone else did, maybe I can also have the courage to share".

It is very useful to give back to the members a record of all their work. All the words elicited in this exercise are typed and handed back to the group members at the beginning of the next session so that they can keep an ongoing record in their Journal (see example page 33).

Homework

We understand how difficult it may be to deal with your feelings about incest while carrying on daily activities but it is important for your own healing to begin to do so. By thinking about the homework task, you give yourselves permission to put aside some time to deal with things that you may normally try to avoid.

Homework given at the first session is: Take Some Time to Focus on the Self. It is introduced as follows.

(Example)

Think about or write in your Journals thoughts and deflections that you have about yourself. These may include both positive and negative thoughts about yourself, your dreams, your feelings, etc.

Go-Around

"How are you feeling right now about what went on tonight? "

Often, a group member may be feeling such strong emotions about an issue that she is unable to finish what she is dealing with during the Go-Around. Group leaders can ask the group to give this member some extra time, but must monitor whether a particular individual always appears in crisis at the end of the session as a way of receiving extra attention or prolonging the time-limit. Feedback from the group is often helpful in such cases to help the group member become aware of how her behaviour affects the group. The group leaders also participate in the Go-Around to share their thoughts and feelings with the group.

(Example) Group Leader:

I am feeling much encouragement and hopefulness tonight as well as a great sadness about the pain that you each have been through. I am amazed at the courage of the group in their willingness to share their thoughts about incest with each other. I already feel a closeness to each one of you and hope that you are beginning to feel at home here. I know how difficult this is for you but am encouraged that you believed enough in yourselves to be here.

Our spontaneous feelings when we hear the words :

Incest

hate alone anger low serf-esteem

shame forever sick trust

unfair scars shaky sadness

mother ugly pain guilt

failure silence panic conspiracy

dirty invisible used crazy

numb hurt control mean

no rights blame make believe unreal

pretend why? forgetting how to cry

jealous nightmares liar manipulation

fuck unloveable beaten nobody cares

lies

Victim

violation covering up tears unbelievable

murder confusion not believed resilient

deserved suppressed vulnerable small

alone desperate courage helpless

dead fear of rejection hypocrisy coerced

survivor covering up raped always waiting

stench exposed choking pity

Survivor

believing help will be there the defiant child winning

acceptance joy coping

reclaiming knowing the truth birth

breaking the cycles sharing the pain effort

smashing down walls healing faith in myself

family of choice feeling the pain survive

protecting loved ones confrontation listening

loving the child within rights are O.K. self-respect

finding my voice I'm not alone finding feelings

fixing my broken self asking without fear support

wondering how I made it

Consent to exchange information

give my permission

for ______________________________________

of to exchange ______________________________________

information which pertains to the services that I have requested

with _________________________

of the Family Service Centre of Ottawa-Carleton

Information Requested:

General Summary _______________________________________

Special Information ____________________________________

_______________________________________________________

NAME: _________________________________________

ADDRESS: _______________________________________

DATE: ______________________________________

SIGNATURE: ______________________________________

WITNESS: ___________________________________

For the Journal: Poems

When We speak

We will stand face to face,

smile to smile,

tear to tear.

We will listen to each other's words,

we will try to understand each other's thoughts,

and most important,

we will look deep into each other's eyes

to seek the truths

reflected there

that have no words

to set them free.

The Nature of this Flower Is To Bloom

From Conspiracy of Silence: the Trauma of Incest by Sandra Butler:

How to say what it's been like. Perhaps I need to couch it carefully so I don't need to clearly hear my own voice. Perhaps whispering in the din of all those other voices. Please, I'm tired now.

But my voice is drowned out and I become smaller as an ice statue melting under others' hot glaring needs and finally invisible and alone.

She was Young, scrubbed and wholesome looking, but her eyes revealed her pain. "We create our own denial system, " she explained. "We erect a wall between us and what has happened. There are lots of ways to build that wall - drugs, alcohol, whatever brings immediate oblivion will serve. If people could only find a way to look past that wall, they might understand that many of our choices are the only ways we know to survive. "

For the Journal: Definitions

What Is Incest?

• Betrayal is what incest is about.
• Sexual abuse of children we define as any sexual activity of exposure, fondling, anal, vaginal, oral manipulation or penetration.
• Incest is a relationship where a care-giver engages a child in his/her family in a sexual activity.
• If it is a secret, it's sexual!
• Before you can say goodbye to something, you must admit that it has happened to you.
• The work here is claiming back yourself; to claim and celebrate your femininity, sexuality, power for choice, identity, and living.

Suggestions for preparation

Handouts:

• 12 copies, typed and three-hole punched of the Main Work from the first session--words for 'Incest', 'Victim' and 'Survivor' (see example on page 33).

Housekeeping (5 minutes)

Any announcements.

At this time, the group leaders may announce birthdays or special educational events in the community. Additionally, if a member is absent due to illness or other reasons, this should be announced at this time in order to alleviate any anxiety about the absence of a particular member

Personal Time (10 to 15 minutes)

Journal Time (10 to 15 minutes)

Main Work (60 minutes): Responsibility and Power

The primary goal of the Main Work for Session Two continues to be the establishment of safety and trust within the group.

The purpose of the exercise in Session Two is to look at issues of responsibility and power as they relate to each member's incest experience. For this exercise, the flip chart is used to record feelings and thoughts of each group member as they pertain to these issues so that they may be typed and returned to the group members at the next session. The exercise is divided into three sections and each section is alternately introduced by one of the group leaders. After each section is introduced, the words or phrases offered by the group members are recorded on the flip chart. Each section should last about 20 minutes.

1. How the Incest Perpetrator Freed Him/Herself from Responsibility for the Incest

We know that one of the most usual things that happens to a child victim of incest is that she often feels that she is guilty blames herself or feels Ashamed for what has happened. The adult offender or perpetrator uses his or her power and position to free himself or herself from taking responsibility for his or her actions. Go back in your memory and focus on your offender or offenders. How are you now aware of how your adult offender freed himself or herself from responsibility for the incest and so left you feeling blamed or ashamed or guilty? What did he or she say? How did he or she act? When you are ready, can you begin to share these memories with the group?

2. How the Incest Perpetrator Made You Feel Responsible for the Incest

Another factor that is most frequently true is that the adult offender(s) goes to a great deal of trouble and planning to entice and entrap the child victim to make sure that he or she is not caught or found out, that in fact, the incest is kept a secret. Go back in your memory and focus on your perpetrator or perpetrators. How are you now aware of being enticed and/or entrapped by your offender(s) and made to feel blamed, guilty and responsible for the incest? What sort of bribes, threats, etc. were used? When you are ready, can you begin to share these memories with the group?

3. The Difference in Power Between an Adult and a Child

We would now like to do an exercise to help you understand why it was that you were able to be entrapped, enticed and held responsible by your perpetrator. What we would like to do is to look at differences between a child and an adult and to see who really had the responsibility and power. We will divide the flip chart into two columns, one labelled Child and one labelled Adult. Can you give us some words that describe each one? For example, under Child, we can write the word "little" and under adult, we can write the word "big". Can you think of more words to help us understand the differences between an Adult and a Child?

Homework (5 to 10 minutes)

Go-Around (remainder of the session)

How Did the Incest Perpetrator Free Himself or Herself from Responsibility For the Incest?

The "special" one privileges

"You are the crazy one"

"Cry baby"

"You need help"

"I will teach you"

"You're so ugly"

"You're so brilliant"

"Mother doesn't understand me"

"My God-given right"

"It was only you"

"I will help you become a woman"

"Whore"

Alcohol

"You have nothing to lose"

"He's depressed"

"Mom's sick"

Playing one against the other

Better than mother

"Don't let your mother know how much money I give you"

"Don't upset your mother"

"Children should be seen and not heard"

"Everybody is more important than you"

Sample of Main Work from Session Two

How Did the Incest Perpetrator Make You Feel Responsible For the Incest?

So bad - I deserved it

"Do what your father tells you"

Terror about losing Mother's love

Can't even think about it - too painful

Dirty

Only time to get affection

Ridicule

Denial of my personhood/feelings

Losing my family

Fear

No one would believe you

Disrespect (of mother)

Fighting among yourselves

The chosen one

The left-out one

Not believed

Got out of chores

Religious teaching - love honour and obey your parents

Made out to be a liar to others

"Don't look outside - we do it better"

Did not pay attention - tried to talk him out of it

Sample of Main Work from Session Two

The Difference in Power Between an Adult and a Child

Session three

Suggestions for preparation Handouts:

• 12 copies of a typewritten sheet summarizing the Main Work from Session Two: How the incest perpetrator freed himself or herself from responsibility; How the perpetrator made the victim feel responsible.
• 12 copies of the 'Setting Individual Goals' sheet (page 52)

Housekeeping

Announcements.

The group leaders introduce the idea of an Information Session for partners, friends, and/or family members of the group members. The Information Session is held twice during the group, once around the Sixth session and, for a second time, around the Fourteenth session. If five or more partners, friends, and/or family members are interested in the opportunity to discuss their own issues or to ask for help and ideas for supporting their partners during the group, a first Information Session will be arranged. Group members are invited to ask as many people as they wish to attend the Information Session. They are asked to think about this option and to suggest a date for the first meeting when they meet next session.

Personal Time

Journal Time

Main Work: Ways That You Erased the Memories of the Abuse _

1. Ways of Coping with Memories of the Abuse

Last week, your homework was to think about ways that you used and may still be using to deal with the memories of sexual abuse. These were your ways of coping with what was happening to you and may still be your ways of coping with these difficult memories today. Go back in your memory and focus on the creative ways that you survived when you were small. Do not judge what you did to survive, for these were in the past and cannot be altered. Some ways that we used to cope we still use today and they are O.K. for us; some ways we may eventually want to change. Can you begin to share with the group some of the ways that you coped and may still be coping with the memories of your incest experience?

2. How Are Our Feelings Connected to Our Behaviour?

All behaviour is meaningful. Often, the ways in which we cope and therefore behave tell us something about the way or ways that we are feeling about ourselves. For example, if you have used drinking or drugs to deal with the memories of and/or cope with the abuse, how might you have been feeling at the time? Perhaps desperate? Perhaps hopeless? Let us go back to the flip chart and look at what our coping strategies/behaviours might be telling us about the ways we were feeling inside.

Homework

1. Hand out Goal Sheets (see page 54).

Setting goals for oneself can be a difficult but rewarding task. This is an opportunity for you to put down in writing some of the goals that you would like to Achieve from the group for yourself. Because this is so important, could you please take some time over the next two weeks to complete the sheet. These are primarily for yourself but also for us so that we are aware of what you would like to work on. As a group, we have common goals, but now you have an opportunity to think about what your own individual goals are and what you need from the group to help you achieve them.

Goal Sheets are collected from the group members over the next several sessions, photocopied for the use of the group leaders and returned to the members.

2. Preparation for "Telling Our Stories"

(Example):

Next week and for the following four weeks, the Main Work will be sharing your stories with the group. Each person will be given time to do this. In preparation for this telling, we are asking that you think about or write in your Journal your memories of the sexual abuse in as much detail as you can remember. Some will be able to remember more than others, and some will be more comfortable with the amount that they wish to tell. There is no judgment about how much you can or cannot remember or can or cannot tell. Write down the facts and details and also the feelings you can remember experiencing about what was happening. Try to distinguish the facts about what happened from your feelings about what happened. If it is helpful, bring in any pictures, favourite toys, books, or any other objects that will help you to remember and/or give you comfort. Here, you will be believed and supported. Those who feel that they can go first will be welcomed to begin. We would like to have two stories each week so that each of you will have plenty of time and space to give and to receive what you need from the group.

Go-Around

Sample of Main Work from Session Three: Flip chart-1

Handout for Session Three

Setting Individual Goals

2. What will I do in the Group to achieve this?

3. What do I want from the Group to help me achieve my goals?

4. How will I know my goals have been achieved?

Session four

Suggestions for preparation Supplies:

• Tape player and tape with soothing music.

Handouts:

• 12 typed copies of the 'Ways of Coping/Ways of Feeling' Main Work from Session Three (see example, page 51)
• 12 copies of the "Guided Journey to a Safe Place" (see page 58)

Housekeeping

Any announcements.

Collect prepared Individual Goal Sheets.

Remind those that have not brought in Goal Sheets to do so.

Confirm date and number of participants for first Information Session (introduced in Session Three).

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Telling Our Stories (Sessions Four to Eight)

We began with a definition of "incest" - a relationship where an adult caregiver engages a child in sexual activity for his/her own purpose. We explored the feelings that this word brings out in us; feelings that are both powerful and still present in our lives. We continued with a definition of the word "victim" and recognized the imbalance, the unfair inequality of power between the child victim and the adult perpetrator. We saw how the adult entices and entraps the child in order to keep the "secret" and how "the victims " are made to feel responsible for the secret. We also examined our feelings about the word "survivor", what it is like to survive with this burden. We now know that how we behave and cope with our histories of incest tells us a great deal about how we feel about ourselves. Tonight, we want to begin to "Break the Silence" around those secrets. In order to begin to heal, we need to break the silence and to gain strength from those here around us.

The intensity of this first session often leaves group members emotionally drained. A relaxation exercise is introduced at the end of the first session to both physically and mentally help the members. A tape of soft music is played and members are invited to participate in some deep breathing if they wish. One of the group leaders speaks softly while the tape is playing:

Please relax as much as you can. . . make sure you are in a comfortable position where you want to be.

Close your eyes -if you can- or lower them and notice your breathing. Don't change it unless you want to...

Breathe in. . . breathe out. . . breathe in. . . breathe out. . .

You are now ready to begin a journey down a winding path to a safe place. Maybe it's by the ocean, or in a meadow with a stream flowing by, maybe it's in a castle with a moat and drawbridge. Wherever it is, know that you are safe and in charge there. . .

Only you can go there.

Only you can invite other nurturing people in you want them.

Only you can decide what your needs and desires are.

Just take deep breaths and with each breath realize that you are present and grounded in the unique person you are.

Say goodbye to your safe place and promise to return when you need to.

Homework

Go-Around

Group Hug

Handout for Session Three

Guided Journey to a Safe Place

Close your eyes -if you can- or lower them and notice your breathing. Don't change it unless you want to...

Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out...

You are now ready to begin a journey down a winding path to a safe place. Maybe it's by the ocean, or in a meadow with a stream flowing by, maybe it's in a castle with a moat and drawbridge. Wherever it is, know that you are safe and in charge there...

Only you can go there.

Only you can invite other nurturing people in if you want them.

Only you can decide what your needs and desires are.

Just take deep breaths and with each breath realize that you are present and grounded in the unique person you are.

Say goodbye to your safe place and promise to return when you need to.

Session Five

Suggestions for preparation Handouts:

• 12 copies of appropriate poems, quotes, or contributions from the women in the group if they wish to share them.

Housekeeping

Announce who will be telling their stories that night and ask who would like to tell their stories the following week.

Collect Goal Sheets.

Return Goal Sheets that have been handed in.

Any other announcements.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Telling Our Stories

Go-Around

Group Hug

Session Six

Suggestions for preparation Handouts:

• 12 copies of appropriate poems, quotes, or contributions from the women in the group if they wish to share them.

Housekeeping

Return Goal Sheets that have been handed in.

Announce who will be telling their stories that night and ask who would like to tell their stories the following week.

Any other announcements.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Telling Our Stories

• See Session Four

Go-Around

Group Hug

Session Seven

Suggestions for preparation

• 12 copies of appropriate poems, quotes, or contributions from the women in the group if they wish to share them.

Housekeeping

Return Goal Sheets that have been handed in.

Announce who will be telling their stories that night and ask who would like to tell their stories the following week.

Any other announcements.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Telling Our Stories

Go-Around

Group Hug

Session Eight

Suggestions for preparation Handouts:

• 12 copies of appropriate poems, quotes, or contributions from the women in the group if they wish to share them.

Housekeeping

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Telling Our Stories

Go-Around

Group Hug

Session Nine

Suggestions for preparation Handouts:

• 12 copies of "Saying Goodbye" (page 70)

Housekeeping

The women are advised that the Marathon Session will take place the following week. The session will be four hours in length so it is important for them to be able to plan around babysitters, work constraints, etc. Any problems should be identified and options considered. They are reminded to eat before coming, or bring something to eat to the session, and that snacks will be provided by the group leaders during the session.

Any other announcements.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Saying "Goodbye"

(Example):

Inside of each of you is a tiny, hurt little girl who is terrified and alone. We have acknowledged that little child by telling our "stories" - that was the pain and it was necessary to honour the pain within the child. But the pain won't last forever; we can say "good-bye" to the pain; we can learn to say "NO".

Think about what may be the controlling issues or feelings that you need to say "NO" to now in order to move forward. This may be something or someone outside you or something or someone inside you.

A handout entitled "Saying Goodbye" is then passed around to the group members. One of the leaders reads the handout to the group. After the handout is read, the group is asked to take ten to fifteen minutes so that each may think about things that they would like to say "NO" to and write these down in their Journals.

In a Go-Around fashion each is then asked to share her list with the group. Leaders take notes of these lists, explaining that this will help in individual work with the members during the next sessions.

Homework

Write down or think about the parts that you forgot to tell or new recent memories that you have had.

Reflect on your Individual Goals.

Go-Around

Group Hug

And now- we are working on saying with heart and head to that child within:

We will nurture and comfort you. You don't have to be stuck back there alone. Now, as "Adults", we have different resources and power.

These are yours. As Adults, we can move in and we can say "NO" for you so that your helplessness and powerlessness does not need to impair and injure the present Adult.

Session Ten

Suggestions for preparation Supplies:

• Fruit, muffins, and juice for a snack
• 90 coloured pieces of paper suitable for writing a few words for the 'affirmation exercise' (about two by two inches)

Handouts:

• 12 copies of "The Face of Old Woman" (page 76)

Housekeeping

Personal and Journal Time

Main Work

A) Affirmation Exercise

The Affirmation Exercise may be introduced in the following manner.

(Example):

All of us need to hear from others how valuable, creative, and important we are to ourselves and to them. Because of your experience, you may not have heard these things from the significant people in your lives and many have come to believe that you are not valuable and important. But you are. In the short time that we have had together, we have been touched by the uniqueness of each one of you, your very special qualities. We would now like you to focus on each member of the group, one at a time, and write down one unique quality that you particularly appreciate about that person."

This exercise is often one of the most difficult exercises done in group. Many women may be fearful about being the centre of attention; they may have difficulty recognizing or believing that they have good qualities and become highly distressed as other group members name them. They may also have great difficulty in expressing compliments to other members, fearing that their feelings or thoughts will not be appreciated or accepted. The group leaders need care and flexibility during this exercise. For example, some members may have difficulty listening to what the other members offer them while others may have difficulty in verbally offering compliments to others. In order to help each member remain powerful, it is important to ask each member how they would like to hear and to give affirmations. Some members feel more comfortable receiving the paper - affirmation - without it being read aloud. They then are invited to keep them until a time when they are able to read them in private. Other members may not want to read their affirmation to others but to give it silently. Above all, the comfort of each member is most important - how much she can handle and is willing to share.

B) Break (10 to 15 minutes)

C) Goal Sharing

The sharing of individual goals may be introduced in the following manner (Example):

Last week, we asked that you look over your Goal Sheets. This week, we would like you to share with the group some of your individual goals and what you need from us to achieve those goals. If you choose not to share at this time, that is fine. Some of your goals may have changed since you first wrote them and that is O.K. too. Now we would like to hear what your three most important goals are and how the group can help. If there are any additional goals you wish to add, they will be welcomed.

Handout

Go-Around _________________________

Homework_________________________

Group Hug _________________________

from the Face of 0ld Woman

am falling

I am falling

past star

past time

through space

and my own fragments

I am scattered

I am scattered

gather fragments

weave an mend

gather fragments

weave and mend

I recognize the enemy faces

fear of our bodies

fear of our visions

fear of our healing

fear of our love

fear of our sisterkind

fear of our brotherkind

fear of fear

love is healing

healing is love

medicine bags for those with faith

I will learn to chant the power chant

I will learn to mix

medicine bags for those with faith

I will learn to chant the power chant

and play the healing drum

I will not fear moss voices

water songs

small furry things with sharp teeth

or my own hesitancy

gather fragments

weave an mend

When we learn to recognize the enemy

we will know what we need to know

to learn how to come together

to learn how to weave and mend

Session Eleven

Suggestions for preparation

Handouts

• 12 copies of "Working Things Through" (page 85)
• 12 copies of "There is Pain in Guilt (page 86)
• 12 copies of "Wisdom Journey" or a similar nurturing exercise (page 87)

Housekeeping

At the beginning of Session Eleven, group leaders again announce that there will be a second Information Session for partners/friends/family members of group members if five or more individuals will be attending. This session is held near Session Fourteen and the date and number of people attending is discussed and settled over the next three sessions.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Working Things Through

The Main Work for Session Eleven may be introduced as follows

Two weeks ago week we talked about what or whom you needed to say "NO" to in order to address the helplessness and powerlessness that as a child you experienced in the past. Each of us has made a "NO" list. Last week we asked that you review this list. We would like tonight to begin the work of addressing the helplessness and powerlessness of the inner child.

At this time, we pass around the handout "Working Things Through," and one of the group leaders reads it aloud.

Following the reading of the Handout, the group leader continues.

(Example):

We would like to begin this important "working things through" tonight. We hope that you will use this opportunity over the next several weeks to work individually with the support of the group. We will talk with each of you about what or who she needs to say "NO" to, either from the work on her "NO" list or from something else that has arisen. There are many ways that this work can be done and we will help you to decide what feels best for you. Sometimes it is scary to do this. Here, you will be supported and cared for. You will not tee forced to do anything that is uncomfortable or hurtful for you. Would someone like to begin ?

Individual work is carried out by both of the group leaders, but each is involved in a different capacity and at a different level. One group leader acts as the primary therapist; this leader is there in the present, to help, encourage, and support the group member in her work. For example, the group leader acting as the primary therapist invites the woman to explore her problem and, based on what emerges, and with the permission of the group member, sets up an exercise.

This second leader is involved at the level of the woman's own experience by becoming the voice of the family member, child within, etc. with whom the group member is talking or interacting. This serves to heighten the emotional involvement of the woman and to make the enactment more real for her and for the group. This needs to be done at the appropriate time, so the second group leader must know when to intervene and what is most beneficial. It is essential that both group leaders have extensive experience in carrying out these exercises and that they work well together. It is also important that the second group leader be aware of the rest of the group and be available in case one of these members requires some help.

Once a group member asks to work on an issue, a space is made so that the work can be done in comfort and can be viewed easily by the rest of the group. The group may sit or lie on the floor or on their pillows. Some chairs can be moved out of the circle so that adequate space is available for the exercise. The primary therapist will sit on the floor with the woman who is doing her work and remain close beside her so that she can help direct the process and provide support and encouragement. The other group leader sits nearby where she is available both to monitor the group and to participate in the work as needed. Other group members are free to comment, to provide support and encouragement during the work. This is very valuable, for example, if the group member is having difficulty articulating her rage or anger at her perpetrator, or if she becomes frightened by the power of her emotions. The individual who is doing the work will acknowledge what is helpful for her and will ignore anything else.

Following each individual session, the women are invited to respond or comment about their own experiences and to ask questions about her feelings and what she received from this work. Such a debriefing session is necessary because of the strong emotions engendered by individual work among all group members and because each person is involved in her own processing and may need to speak.

A Sample Individual Session

Group Leader: Would anyone like to do some individual work tonight?

Jean: I have been having some problems with my sister. Like I told the group before, I think that she was abused and I've told her some things about how Dad treated me but she says that I'm crazy.

Group Leader: How would you like to do this Jean?

Jean: I'm really not sure. All I know is that I get really angry with her because I know that she is protecting Dad. He took away my childhood and fumed my life into a living hell but she thinks that he's wonderful and that I'm making up all of these stories.

Group Leader: Would it be all right if we put your sister in this chair and if you told her how it feels when she doesn't believe you. (Chairs are arranged and Jean sits in one chair facing her "sister".)

Jean: (long silence ) (To group leader) I'm afraid to do this.

Group Leader: I can understand your fear Jean. It must be really hard for you to open up to your sister after she has already told you that you're crazy for thinking these things. Can you tell your sister how afraid you are to speak to her?

Jean: I'm afraid to talk to you. (long silence) I spill my guts out to you and you think I am lying. Why would I lie about such a thing. Why would I tell you these things if they weren't true. When you don't believe me I want to scream!

Group Leader: lean, can you sit in the other chair now and "be" your sister What would her answer be?

Jean: (Moves to other chair) You're just jealous you see that Dad cares for me more than he cares for you and you want to ruin it for me. Jean hesitates now and the Group Leader gently encourages her to continue.) He loves me... he wouldn't do the things that you said he did. All you do is walk around with a sad face... so why should anyone pay any attention to you. We all know that you're crazy Jean begins to look very sad and becomes quiet.)

Group Leader: Can you move back to your own chair now and answer her?

Jean: (Returning to her own chair.) (very softly) I'm not crazy. I know what happened to me and it makes me so damn angry that you don't believe me. (There is a long pause and then Jean begins to sob.) But all that happens is that I get sad. Maybe I am crazy.

Group Leader: You have every right to be sad Jean. And being sad does not mean that you are crazy. Can you tell her that?

Jean: (Crying) I am sad. I'm sad that you don't believe me...I'm sad that you think I'm crazy but I'm not crazy. What Dad did is wrong and I know it was wrong. Why won't you believe me? Why do you have to protect him?

Group Leader: Can you be your sister again Jean and answer for her?

Jean: (Moving to other chair.) I have to protect him from crazy people like you...you're out to destroy him and our whole family.

Group Leader: (Waits for some time and then motions Jean back to her own chair.)

Jean: I don't want to destroy anyone. I just want him to treat me like a human being. (Begins to cry harder.) He has never loved me...he's just used me. I love him and I hate him...why can't he just love me like he's supposed to...(begins to sob).

Group Leader: What is going on for you right now Jean?

Jean: I feel so alone...I feel the same way that I felt after he would leave my room and I would cry myself to sleep. No one would hear me. No one would come and see why I was crying.

Group Leader: That little child was so alone. All by herself with no one near her to help her. She's still with you Jean, that little girl, and she needs you, big Jean, to help her. Can you talk to her? Can you help her?

Jean: I...I...know that you're in there. I don't want to let you be alone. I can take care of you. (Begins rocking back and forth holding herself.) (Turns to Group Leader) But I don't know how...when she's so sad I don't know what to do. It's like she wants to die.

Group Leader: Jean, can you be your little child Talk to big Jean and tell her what you need right now. What would make her feel better right now?

Jean: (in a very small voice) I just need you to believe in me...I just need to know that I'm not crazy.

Group Leader: Can big Jean tell her that?

Jean: I don't know. I want to but it is so hard.

Group Leader: Yes it is hard. It is so hard to believe in yourself and what you can do.

Jean: (Loudly) You're not crazy. (Pause) (Very Softly) You're just scared. And when you're scared it feels like you are crazy. But I know that you're not. I will tell you that you're not crazy and that it's O.K. to be scared ... that I will take care of you. I won't let anyone hurt you. I will look after you. I know I can... (To group leader) But what if I can't?

Group Leader: How can you help your little child from becoming scared Jean? What can you do for her?

Jean: I can walk away from my sister when she starts telling me that I'm crazy.

Group Leader: Can you tell your sister that?

Jean: I won't listen to you any more... I know what happened and I will walk away from you. (Angrily). I won't, I just won't!

Group Leader: What's going on for you right now Jean?

Jean: I feel like I want to shake her... Jean's fist is hitting the arm of her chair).

Group Leader: What is your fist doing Jean?

Jean: (Looks at her fist and begins to pound the arm of the chair harder and harder...the group murmurs encouragement...she does this for several minutes and then takes a large breath). You know, that made me feel a hell of a lot better. (Chuckles and then there is a long pause.) I guess it's really not important that she believe me. I know what happened and if she doesn't want to believe me that's her problem.

Group Leader: Can you tell her that?

Jean: (Loudly) You know, if you don't want to believe me that's your problem. I know better. Sit with your fantasies if you like. You will always be my sister but that doesn't mean that you know everything. Maybe you're scared too and can't admit what happened. But I know and that's what's important. I really don't need you to believe me to get on with my life. Someday it may happen and maybe not. What's important is that I'm not crazy.

Group Leader: How are you feeling right now Jean?

Jean: I feel that I may actually be able to tell her this. I don't know but at least I feel less scared of saying it to her.

Group Leader: Would it be possible to put it in a letter and then send it when you feel ready?

Jean: I suppose I could do that...yes that would be all right. Would it be possible to bring the letter back to the group in Personal Time?

Group Leader: If you would like to, yes, by all means.

Homework

Go-Around

Handouts

''wisdom Journey"

Group Hug

Identify - feelings, memories, behaviours, or people that give us trouble.

Struggle - to get a different perception of those feelings, memories, behaviours, or people that we can be more at peace with.

We are aiming, not for intellectual understanding, though that is important, but for some "healings of the heart". When we have "worked things through", we sense a shift inside ourselves, a release or a clearer direction and we can feel and act in a more positive way.

Handout for Session Eleven

There is Pain in Guilt

There is pain in rejection

There is pain in striving for acceptance

Which never comes

There is pain in having to say the words

Which were never spoken

But which should have been shouted

To the world

There is pain in the loss

The terrible loss of innocence

Which never was ours

There is pain in knowing

We might have changed it

Had someone told us

We could have said no

The pain has been intimate

With us all

Behind the doors of our mind

It has wasted

Never locked away

And never set free

But now we have begun to open the doors

Timidly

Like the children that we are

Will the pain surround us, engulf us

Devour us ?

We have a choice this time

We can fight back

We can say not

Handout for Session Eleven

Wisdom Journey

Imagine that you are leaning against a strong old tree, a very large bountiful tree with roots that have expanded century after century. This tree has experienced many traumas - blights, droughts, bitter cold months, high winds, lightening and fires. The scars of this tree make it unique but also magnificent. This is your special tree and no one can find you and harm you here.

Feel your back against that tree - solid and comforting. Lean back into the tree and feel the anxiety and fear drain from your body into the ground.

Imagine that the years come and go, come and go until you realize with profound satisfaction that you are a wise, old woman. The wisest in your village. You smile as you review your Triumphs acknowledging and honouring your pain, struggles and growth in wisdom.

Now it is time to teach the young women of your village what you have learned - you gather those tender but strong young women into a circle. You look into those eager fresh faces.

What do they need to know? What can you teach them?

You start to speak...

Session twelve

Housekeeping

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work

A) Theme Module on Coping

The format of each theme model includes an explanation of the topic, a verbatim introduction that can be used by the group leader to introduce the topic, and a personal application or exercise that can be used to further the discussion of the topic.

B) Individual Work

The wishes of these members must also be acknowledged and respected.

One or two group members may have already done some individual work during Session Eleven. Those that now wish to participate should be identified. In this way, the group leaders are better able to structure the remaining sessions that are allotted to individual work. Some group members initially may wish not to participate but subsequently change their minds. The group leaders should inform group members that this is fine as long as the individual work can be done within the sessions allotted. For example, in one group, a group member expressed her need to do some individual work at the beginning of Session Sixteen. Since it had been previously decided that "Intimacy" would be discussed in that session along with another member's individual work, the group was asked whether it would be feasible to extend this session for 45 minutes to accommodate her or whether the discussion on "Intimacy" could be eliminated. The group felt that they would prefer to extend the session. Each group is different; each has its own "personality". The group should be encouraged to voice their needs and to negotiate changes in the format. Likely they did not have these same opportunities in their families and they should be assured that their opinions and needs do matter to others. Generally, when there is a group discussion around one of the theme modules, there is only time for one member to do individual work.

Homework

Go-Around

Group Hug

Theme Module

Theme module on "Coping"

Introduction

When you were children, you did many things to survive. Because you felt overwhelmed, alone, afraid, you needed to do things to protect yourself and keep yourself whole. We honour and respect your creativeness and strength in finding and using those ways of surviving. But some of these ways of coping and surviving may have become hurtful to you as adults. These habits may hold us back from becoming whole. For example, you may always pretend or deny that things are happening in your present life because that was the only way to go on when you were children. Or you may daydream and fantasize, or hurt yourselves, or sleep all day, or escape into drugs or alcohol or food or sex whenever you feel stressed - anything to stop the pain. These ways of surviving are old friends. It is very hard to say goodbye or to change old friends. But now you are gaining the courage to see that some of these old ways of coping may no longer be valuable to you, that they may hold you back and prevent you from taking control of your life. Let us look at some of the ways that you used to survive, what is special and important about them, and what you would like to change.

Application

During all discussions, the women are invited to comment, to make helpful suggestions, to share their own experiences. Group leaders act as facilitators during these discussions, and must constantly be aware of group processes. For example, some of the women may try to give opinions and advice that others may take as criticism. Being the object of critical opinions disempowers the woman who receives them. Group leaders need to be aware of the impact of one group member on another and intervene where necessary. Certainly, disagreements and conflict arise in all groups, but group leaders need to encourage appreciation the group members' survival strategies. Dissension may provide a unique opportunity to teach negotiation and conflict-resolution skills in a safe environment.

Session Thirteen

Suggestions for preparation

Handouts

• 12 copies of "Just a Child" (page 98)

Housekeeping

Announce who will be doing individual work that night and/or what theme module will be presented.

Ask who would like to do some individual work the following week.

Personal Time and Journal Time

(Example)

Last week, we asked that you think of the different ways that you coped in order to survive, what effect, both good and bad, these coping strategies have had on your present life and how you could begin to change them. If any of you would like to comment on this now, that would tee fine; perhaps there is something else that you feel you would like to share with us.

Main Work: Theme Module and/or Individual Work

Homework

Go-Around

Handout:

Group Hug

Just A Child

I crouch in the corner of your mind

Frightened and hurt.

I long to be noticed,

to have someone wrap their arms around me.

But I do not Know

what to do to get that love

I am too afraid to try again.

It will hurt too much.

Someone might hurt me - AGAIN.

So I stalk your every movement.

I am a child who too early

had to learn adult ways.

But I did not have the tools to handle those adult ways.

I am confused - torn between

the work of the adult and the child.

I appear to be silent

while I scream at you.

My pain gives me power,

I hold on to that.

It is the only power

I have left.

There is, in you,

a great power,

the power of love.

I long for that love,

I wait in my corner,

the child within you,

searching for that love.

You can set me free.

Will you embrace me,

accept me, help me,

so that I can move

from my corner of darkness

into the light of your love ?

Session Fourteen

Suggestions for preparation

Handouts

• 12 copies of "Circles" (page 101)

Housekeeping

Announce who will be doing individual work that night and/ or what theme module will be presented.

Ask who would like to do some individual work the following week.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Theme Module and/or Individual Work

Homework

Go-Around

Handout:

Group Hug

Circles

Light touches darkness

Joy touches sorrow

Hope touches despair

Over the other side of

Struggling is wisdom

Pain is compassion

Hurting is healing

Centred in the circles

Unasked acceptance

And caring unsought

For all that I am

In the warmth of that loving

My frozen fear melts

I find the courage

to become myself

-by Bronwen Harmen

(Source Unknown)

Session fifteen

Suggestions for preparation

Handouts

• 12 copies of "To Laugh" (page 105)

Housekeeping

Announce who will be doing individual work that night and/or what theme module will be presented.

Ask who would like to do some individual work the following week. Group leaders should comment on how quickly the sessions are going by and how many are still left. This is to help group members to be aware that the group will eventually end and it allows issues around termination to emerge.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Theme Module and/or Individual Work

Homework

Go-Around

Handout:

Group Hug

Laugh

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk exposing our true self.

To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair.

To try at all is to risk failure.

But to risk we must

Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

To risk giving yourself permission to let go your fears,

To spread your wings,

To take the chance to experience life,

To feel the joy and the pain,

To trust yourself enough to trust others,

To really be you is to truly love yourself.

This is life. This is everything.

Anne, 1987 (adapted from original)

Session Sixteen

Suggestions for preparation

Handouts

• 12 copies of "Life's Pleasures" (page 108)

Housekeeping

Announce who will be doing individual work that night and/or what theme module will be presented.

Ask who would like to do some individual work the following week.

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: Theme Module and/or Individual Work

Homework

Go-Around

Handout:

Group Hug

A soft breeze caressing my skin

Watching puffy white clouds as they form and dissolve

Running through a field of wildflowers

A butterfly flitting around displaying his colours

Feeling cool mud squishing between my toes

Feeling water splash around my legs

as I walk along a sandy beach

Walking through crisp leaves on an autumn day

The smell of freshly baked bread

The softness of a kitten

The smile of a child

The taste of freshly picked raspberries

Refreshing cold lemonade on a hot summer day

Lilacs

Memories of my Grandma

Hugging a soft teddy bear

Hearing the sound of a purring cat

a bird's song

a friend's voice

The freedom to be me.

Session Seventeen

Suggestions for preparation

Supplies

• White tablecloth
• Candle, silver candle holder, matches
• Round mirror which fits on table
• 10 pieces of natural polished crystal
• Bowl of vegetable or flower seeds

Handouts

• 12 copies of "The Search For Freedom" (pages 121 through 126)

Housekeeping

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: The Search for Freedom

The group members are asked to take their coffee or tea outside the room after Journal and Personal Time. In order to alleviate any anxiety, they are informed that the group leaders must prepare the room for a "special surprise". During this time, the round table in the centre of the room is covered with a white lace tablecloth. On the table is placed a lighted candle in a silver holder. The candle is placed on a round mirror in the centre of the table. Around the candle, ten pieces of natural polished crystal are placed in a circle, representing each group member. (These pieces of crystal can be obtained from any shop that sells stones for jewellery hobbyists.) A bowl of vegetable or flower seeds is also placed on the table. When all is ready, the women are invited to return. Both group leaders participate equally in the ceremony, alternating in the reading of the different parts. The last section of the ceremony "May we all have Freedom" is read in unison by the group leaders.

Leader One: The Search For Freedom

We also acknowledge that through the courage of being in this group, you have helped yourselves to let go of the "specialness" of being abused, the pain, the anguish, and the ways you have coped that have been your life. When you let that go, it is natural for you to be afraid, afraid of a future without those familiar ways of feeling. However, we share with you your longing to see your world with new eyes - to reconcile with your past and to tee free.

We have planned this evening to recognize your loss of freedom in a special ceremonial way and to encourage you on your journey to find that freedom - to nurture the wholeness, rootedness, and love from within you.

Leader Two: The Symbols

The Candle: To symbolize light coming out of darkness.

Look at the candle with the wonder and trust of a child.

The Crystal: There are ten pieces of crystal, one for each member of the group.

Focus on one piece of crystal to make it yours, to represent you and all the different aspects of you.

This is to represent your ability to reflect your own light.

The Seeds: Coming from Mother Earth - returning to the dark earth again mysteriously to grow and bear fruit in abundance.

The Mirror: It is round like the earth and symbolizes the ground of our reflecting of the past and of our potential for the future.

Choose for your own the crystal that has reflected your light.

Cherish it and use it to reflect your thoughts and feedings. The light of the crystal will always shine for you. If you would like, also take a seed. Plant it in the warm earth and watch it grow. So we all grow, nurtured through the goodness of our soil, to bloom and power in the sun.

[Each of the women is then asked to choose the crystal that they have focused on for their very own and to cherish it. They are also asked to take a seed with them and to plant it and see it grow.]

Leader One: Initiation Rites

-Excerpted from The Villa of Mysteries: Pompeii Initiation Rights by Katherine Bradway: The C.G. Jung Institute of San Francisco, 1982.

It is common to feel that one may have become lost, overpowered, and permanently separated from the world one knew. This journey of rebirth requires courage and one must not refuse to submit to the heroic conditions of the task.

[Reading from Conspiracy of Silence: The Trauma of Incest by Sandra Butler, p. 137.]

Added to the awkwardness and non-communication that surround the issues of sexuality and intimacy in our families is the matter of sexual violence. For sexual violence takes place not only in families in which incestuous assault occurs but, to some degree and in some manner, in all our homes.

...The natural curiosity of children, their desire to touch and fondle themselves and their questions can cause families to exercise the ultimate sexual violence upon them: the denial of their right to their own bodies - the right to learn about them, to touch and enjoy them, to share them when they choose and to live wholly and delightedly within them.

-Excerpted from Conspiracy of Silence: The Trauma of Incest Copyright © 1978, 1985 by Sandra Butler. All rights reserved. Please contact Volcano Press, Inc., P.O. Box 20, Volcano, CA 95689 (209) 296-3445 for more information.

Leader Two: Revelation

'We could do with such a song right now' I thought and even as I thought it or before, something started happening. I had a vision of us being lifted on a wave; not by one song in particular, but by all the folk songs, ballads, blues, hymns, that had ever been created. All the people who sang them or were sung about - happy lovers, murderers, victims of betrayal, mothers rocking cradles, cheerful drunks, men and women struggling to become whole all were lifted by the wave as well. We were in it; we were on it; it was part of what we were or could be.

A veil had been drawn back to let me see, for a moment, what was happening.

I saw that I was not alone, no one was alone: We were alone together, travelling. We were safe, beyond our danger; . . . Whole, beyond our being broken.

-Reconstructed from the original text by Sydney Carter. Source unknown.

Leader One: The Search

I want to take you now on a Fantasy Trip. A Fantasy is only useful if you stay with your awareness as you experience and own this as part of yourself now . So get comfortable. It may help to close your eyes, but you don't need to. If you wish, move your chair a little off by yourself. Ready?

I want you to imagine that you are searching for something that is very important to you. You may have some idea of what it is that you are looking for, or you may not. You do know, however, that what you are searching for very important to you, and that your life will somehow be incomplete until you find it. Where are you now, as you begin this search? Where do you go? And how do you search? What happens to you? Notice what obstacles or delays are in your way. And be aware of how you encounter these obstacles and how you deal with them. What alternatives do you try? Continue on this search for awhile. Discover more about it, and see how close you can come to your goal. You may find that the search changes in some way as you proceed. What do you find as you continue your search? Even if you have not reached the goal of your search, you may have discovered more about what you are searching for. You may even be able to see it in the distance, even though something prevents you from reaching it. Whatever your situation, try to discover more about the object of your search. Whether you have found what you are looking for, or can only see it, or can only imagine what it is like, examine it carefully, and be aware of your feelings toward it. What is your goal like? And what would reaching your goal do for you? Is it this goal itself that you want, or is it a means - a way of getting something else that you want? If this goal could speak to you now, what would it say to you? And what would you say to it? Talk to it for awhile, and see if you can learn more from it.

[Allow several minutes of silence.]

Now can you return to your existence in this room and stay quietly with your experience for a while.

[Allow several minutes for the women to return to the group.]

Leader Two: Destiny

A dainty, fragile thing it was.

I asked what secrets it held

Within the beautiful colour of

Its wings -it said not a word.

I asked what it was like to hold

Such freedom within the strength

Of those fragile wings -

It said not a word.

I asked what it was like to be

Held in such awe and wonder

Because of its beauty, power

And freedom - it said not a word.

In my frustration - I let it go

And as it flew away it whispered

You are a cocoon - come out now

And show your strength, your power,

Your beauty - fly -

Then you will know my secrets -

YOU WILL BE FREE.

Leaders One & Two:

Read in unison "May We All Have Freedom. "

May we all have freedom

Freedom: To be ourselves

To express and to risk

To make choices

To be wrong to be right

To be different, and to be the same

To enjoy

To be loveable

To love

Reflections on the Ceremony

Would anyone like to share with us any of their thoughts or feelings about the ceremony, their own individual search, or anything else that was particularly meaningful for them ?

This ceremony is usually an extremely positive experience for the group and there is generally much warmth in the discussion that follows. Some, who have a highly spiritual nature may react enthusiastically. On the other hand, those whose attitudes may be more skeptical may withdraw from any discussion that appears to be too positive. Caution is needed here to respect how each individual responds to the ceremony. This ceremony clearly offers group members a chance to experience hopefulness. If some group members may not yet be able to put aside the pain and may resent others who appear to be responding positively to the ceremony, the group leaders should attend to this by acknowledging and respecting these views in the discussion.

Homework

Go-Around

Before Go-Around, one of the group leaders reads the first chapter of The Velveteen Rabbit to the Group. (This reading may be done now or during Session Eighteen, depending upon group needs and time constraints.)

The reading of The Velveteen Rabbit may be introduced as follows (Example):

We would like to read a special story to you tonight. It is about being real. That is what you have been over these past several weeks but we may sometimes not know what "real" is. We hope that you enjoy this little story. Please get comfortable and listen for a few minutes.

The Velveteen Rabbit

There were other things in the stocking, nuts and oranges and a toy engine, and chocolate almonds and a clockwork mouse, but the Rabbit was quite the best of all. For at least two hours the Boy loved him, and then Aunts and Uncles came to dinner, and there was a great rustling of tissue paper and unwrapping of parcels, and in the excitement of looking at all the new presents the Velveteen Rabbit was forgotten.

For a long time he lived in the toy cupboard or on the nursery floor, and no one thought very much about him. He was naturally shy, and being only made of velveteen, some of the more expensive toys quite snubbed him. The mechanical toys were very superior and looked down upon everyone else; they were full of modern ideas and pretended they were real. The model boat, who lived through two seasons and lost most of his paint, caught the tone from them and never missed an opportunity of referring to his rigging in technical terms. The Rabbit could not claim to be a model of anything, for he didn't know that real rabbits existed; he thought they were all stuffed with sawdust like himself, and he understood that sawdust was quite out-of-date and should never be mentioned in modern circles. Even Timothy, the jointed wooden lion, who was made by the disabled soldiers, and should have had broader views, put on airs and pretended he was connected with Government. Between them all the poor little Rabbit was made to feel himself very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him at all was the Skin Horse.

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is Real?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because when you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are Real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.

Group Hug

The Search For Freedom

We plan this evening to recognize your loss of freedom in a special ceremonial way and to encourage you on your journey to find that freedom to nurture the wholeness, rootedness, and love from within you.

The Symbols

The Candle: To symbolize light coming out of darkness.

Look at the candle with the wonder and trust of a child.

The Crystal: There are ten pieces of crystal, one for each member of the group.

Focus on one piece of crystal to make it yours, to represent you and all the different aspects of you.

This is to represent your ability to reflect your own light.

The Seeds: Coming from Mother Earth - returning to the dark earth again mysteriously to grow and bear fruit in abundance.

The Mirror: It is round like the earth and symbolizes the ground of our reflecting of the past and of our potential for the future.

Handout for Session Seventeen: The Search For Freedom (cont'd)

Initiation Rites

This 'rite' includes a simulated death and celebration of re-birth.

It is common to feel that one may have become lost, overpowered, and permanently separated from the world one knew. This journey of rebirth requires courage and one must not refuse to submit to the heroic conditions of the task.

Conspiracy of Silence

...The natural curiosity of children, their desire to touch and fondle themselves and their questions can cause families to exercise the ultimate sexual violence upon them: the denial of their right to their own bodies - the right to learn about them, to touch and enjoy them, to share them when they choose and to live wholly and delightedly within them.

-Excerpted from Conspiracy of Silence: The Trauma of Incest by Sandra Butler, page 137.

-Underlining is ours.

Handout for Session Seventeen: The Search For Freedom (cont'd)

Revelation

'We could do with such a song right now' I thought and even as I thought it or before something started happening. I had a vision of us being lifted on a wave; not by one song in particular, but by all the folk songs, ballads, blues, hymns, that had ever been created. All the people who sang them or were sung about - happy lovers, murderers, victims of betrayal, mothers rocking cradles, cheerful drunks, men and women struggling to become whole all were lifted by the wave as well. We were in it; we were on it; it was part of what we were or could be.

A veil had been drawn back to let me see, for a moment, what was happening.

I saw that I was not alone, no one was alone: We were alone together, travelling. We were safe, beyond our danger; . . . Whole, beyond our being broken.

-Reconstructed from the original text by Sydney Carter. Source unknown.

Handout for Seventeen: The Search For Freedom (cont'd)

The Search

Now can you return to your existence in this room and stay quietly with your experience for a while.

Handout for Session Seventeen: The Search For Freedom (cont'd)

Destiny

A dainty, fragile thing it was.

I asked what secrets it held

Within the beautiful colour of

Its wings - it said not a word.

I asked what it was like to hold

Such freedom within the strength

Of those fragile wings -

It said not a word.

I asked what it was like to be

Held in such awe and wonder

Because of its beauty, power

And freedom - it said not a word.

In my frustration - I let it go

And as it flew away it whispered

You are a cocoon - come out now

And show your strength, your power,

Your beauty -fly -

Then you will know my secrets -

YOU WILL BE FREE.

Handout for Session Seventeen: The Search For Freedom (cont'd)

To express and to risk

To make choices

To be wrong, to be right

To be different, and to be the same

To enjoy

To be loveable

To love

Session Eighteen

Suggestions for preparation

• Compile list of correct names, spellings of all the group members
• Order or begin to make Graduation Certificates for Session Twenty (see page 145)

Housekeeping

Personal Time and Journal Time

This session is devoted to reviewing what the women have accomplished regarding their personal goals and what is still left to work on. Last Session, each was asked to review her Individual Goal Sheets and her "No" list for homework. However, it is normal that not all of their goals will have been accomplished during the group. In reviewing their Individual Goal Sheets and their "NO" list, the group members are more able to see the progress that they have made even though there may be things that are still left to do. Without this review, some may leave the group feeling discouraged or pessimistic about their own progress, especially since they are aware of and anxious about the ending of the group. This exercise allows them to clarify for themselves, in a structured way, what they have accomplished and what is still left to work on after the group is finished. The Main Work is introduced as follows:

We have asked that you take some time to look over your Individual Goal Sheets and your "No" lists. Although not all may have met every goal, that is O.K. Where are you now in relation to your goals compared to where you were at the beginning of the group? What is still left for you to do? Take the next few minutes to think about or write down what you have accomplished and what you still might wish to work on as you continue in your healing process after the group is finished.

Homework

Go-Around

Session Nineteen

Suggestions for preparation

Supplies

• Tape player and tape of Ann Mortifee's "Wudjagonnado?"

To Do

• To prepare for Session Twenty:
• Leaders sign Certificates for next Session
• Order cake with all the women's first names on it
• Order real or silk roses

Handouts

• 12 copies of "Wudjagonnado?" (page 134)
• 12 copies of "Comes the Dawn" (page 135)
• 12 copies of "Personal Bill of Rights" (page 136)

Housekeeping

Personal Time and Journal Time

Main Work: What Are You Going to Do for Yourself on Group Nights After the Group is Finished?

Before the beginning of this exercise, at FSC we play the song/tape "Wudjagonnadoo?" written and sung by Ann Mortifee from Reflections on Crooked Walking. A handout is given out so that all may sing along.

Following listening to and singing of the song one of the group leaders continues (Example):

Last week we asked you to think about what you would be doing for yourselves on group night after the group was over. We have been together now for nineteen weeks and have shared our thoughts and feelings with each other. In joining the group, you made a very special commitment to honour yourselves. Sometimes it may have been difficult to be here and other times it may have felt easy and safe. Now the group is almost finished. Although endings are often very difficult, they can also be looked on as new beginnings. Can you share with us now your thoughts and feelings about the end of this group as well as any ideas that you may have for taking care of yourself in the future?

The ending of the group can be both painful as well as satisfying for all -painful in that the group's safety and support will no longer be available; satisfying in that a difficult task has been courageously accomplished. Both of these experiences need to be acknowledged. It is also important that the group leaders acknowledge their own feelings about the end of the group. (Example:) Group Leader:

On our group nights after the group is over, I will be wondering what each of you is doing. I will probably use this time to catch a show on T.V. or do some reading. But I will certainly miss being in this room with you. My heart goes with you as you continue your Journey. It will be sad not to be here but I will also be happy to know that we have shared something very special together.

Homework

Go-Around

Handouts:

• "Comes the Dawn" and "Personal Bill of Rights"

Group Hug

WUDJAGONNADOO

when you don't have a clue

when you search all day

can't find the way?

Wudjagonnadoo when you're feelin' blue

heart goes sink every time you think?

Wudjagonnadoo...

just sit there...sit there?

Wudjagonnadoo...

Wudjagonnadoo...what...what.. ?

Wudjagonnadoo just sit there...sit there?

Wudjagonnadoo.. ?

Wudjagonnadoo...

when you feel confused all bemused...

brain has fused?

Wudjagonnadoo...

when you're felin' low

mind won't go, just don't know?

Wudjagonnadoo.. ?

just sit there...sit there?

Wudjagonnadoo...what...what ?

Wudjagonnadoo...

just sit there...sit there?

Wudjagonnadoo.. ?

Wudjagonnadoo...

when nothing's true

and everything's astounding?

Wudjagonnadoo...

when you eel abused

and your head is thick and pounding?

Wudjagonnadoo. . .

when you're in the soup

and you fear you might be drowning? Wudjagonnadoo...wudjagonnadoo..wudjagonnadoo.. ?

*repeat first verse -

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean security

And you learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeat

With you head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads

On today because tomorrow's ground

Is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way

Of falling down in midnight;

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

So you plant your own garden and decorate your

own soul

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you can endure That you really are strong And you really do have worth. And you learn and learn. With every goodbye, you learn.

Handout for Session Nineteen

2. I have a right to joy in this life, right here, right now- not just a momentary rush of euphoria but something more substantive.

3. I have a right to relax and have fun in a nondestructive way.

4. I have a right to actively pursue people, places, and situations that will help me in achieving a good life.

5. I have the right to say no whenever I feel something is not safe or I am not ready.

6. I have a right to not participate in either the active or passive "crazy-making" behaviour of parents, of siblings, and of others.

7. I have a right to take calculated risks and to experiment with new strategies.

8. I have a right to change my tune, my strategy, and my funny equations.

9. I have a right to "mess up": to make mistakes, to "blow it", to disappoint myself, and to fall short of the mark.

10. I have a right to leave the company of people who deliberately or inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate me, including my parents or any other member of my family.

11. I have a right to put an end to conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated.

12. I have a right to all my feelings.

13. I have a right to trust my feelings, my judgment, my hunches, and my intuition.

14. I have a right to develop myself as a whole person- emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.

15. I have a right to express all my feelings in a nondestructive way and at a safe time and place.

16. I have a right to as much time as I need to experiment with this new information and these new ideas and to initiate changes in my life.

17. I have a right to sort out the bill of goods my parents sold me- to take the acceptable and dump the unacceptable.

18. I have a right to a mentally healthy, sane way of existence, though it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents' philosophy of life.

19. I have a right to carve out my place in this world.

20. I have a right to follow any of the above rights, to live my life the way I want to, and not wait until my parent gets well, gets happy, seeks help, or admits there is a problem.

Session Twenty

Suggestions for preparation

Supplies

• Decorated "Surprise" sign for door
• Tablecloth, flowers, candles, etc. to decorate table
• Large cake decorated with the names of each group member
• Plates, napkins, forks, and a silver knife
• 90 small pieces of coloured paper
• 10 real or silk roses
• "Graduation Certificates" (see example page 145)
• Tape player and tape "We Were Born To Live" sung by Ann Mortifee

Handouts

• 12 copies of the Victim to Survivor Group Evaluation Sheet (page 146148)

Prelude

The regular format that has been followed in previous weeks is not followed during the last session of the group. The door of the meeting room is closed; to allay any anxiety about this, there is a decorated sign on the door that says that a nice surprise is in store for them.

The women are generally excited that such attention is being paid to this last session and appreciate the need for some secrecy in order that they may be surprised. Secrecy has had such negative meanings for survivors and this positive connotation is a way of further helping them to a new perspective. As all enter the room together instead of separately, the women are able to share in good feelings with each other, rather than keeping these feelings quiet. Sharing good feelings with others is an experience new to many survivors.

A table, decorated with flowers, candles, and a lace tablecloth is placed at the head of the room with the chairs in a semi-circle facing the table. Fancy paper plates, napkins, forks, and a silver knife are on the table. A large cake, with the name of each member inscribed on it sits in the centre of the table.

For this last session, real or silk roses are purchased for each woman. Before this session, graduation certificates are printed. These include the name of each woman. (Both the roses and the certificates are hidden, and are handed out as a "surprise.")

Before the actual celebration begins, evaluation sheets are handed out. The women are asked to take a few minutes to fill them in. In order to continually improve, it is important for the group leaders to have some type of feedback from the group members. As well, it allows group members to give both positive and negative feedback about an important experience in their life and lets them know that their ideas and comments are valuable. The evaluation can be introduced as follows and takes about 15 minutes to complete:

(Example:)

Take some time now and look back over the process of the group during the last nineteen weeks. What were the highlights for you, and what were your disappointments? We value your input and read each of these evaluations very carefully. If you prefer, they need not be signed so that you can feel free to put down exactly what you are feeling. All of your suggestions are important to help us improve ourselves and help groups that are still to come.

The Celebration

The Commemoration

Leader Two: We began with a definition of incest: Incest is a relationship where an adult care-giver engages a child in sexual activity.

Leader One: BETRAYAL is what incest is all about.

Leader Two: We looked at how it feels to be a VICTIM

Leader One: We looked at how it can feel to be IN CHARGE of our own selves.

Leader Two: We emphasized that before we can say GOOD-BYE, we had to admit that this incest experience has been part of our past. So we told our stories. We were angry and we cried and grieved over the trauma of this experience.

Leader One: We had marvellous courage to risk sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings. We trusted that they would be heard with respect and love for our unique differences as well as our commonality.

Leader Two: We faced the loss of our childhood and the impact of this on our ability to live in the present.

Leader One: We started to nurture that frightened inner child.

Leader Two: We started to be gentle with ourselves, to know that we are unique and very special.

Leaders One and Two [In unison]:

We now join with all women in the ongoing search to express the unique qualities of our being - to celebrate our femininity, sexuality, power for choice, identity and living.

Handout for Session Twenty

Cake Cutting Ceremony

Leader One:

The Knife: The knife and the sword have been powerful symbols throughout history. We think of the magic sword, Excalibur, of King Arthur and the Round Table. In one version of the legend (the one that makes most sense to me), the sword was made magic by the feminine principle - a woman, Morgaine - Queen of the Fairies and Arthur's half sister. As long as Arthur carried that sword, he would have direction, faith, generosity, bravery, and integrity on his side.

In ancient days, before Christ, priestesses are reported to have carried a little dagger as a sign of women's knowledge and wisdom. Now we want you to focus on the Knife and what that symbol has always meant - a symbol that women can cut to the bone of the matter, separate the essential from the non-essential, cut away the past from the present, and commit themselves to life.

Leader Two:

The Cake: We have cakes to celebrate all kinds of anniversaries and new beginnings. As we focus on this cake, may it be a symbol of our commitment to new beginnings - to our future as survivors with the ongoing discovery of freedom.

At this point each woman is invited to cut a piece of cake for herself. Many like to cut the piece which has her name on it. After each is done, they are invited to enjoy their cake and to celebrate with each other. About half an hour is given here to socializing with each other along with the group leaders. Coffee and tea are also available.

Gift Giving

Gift giving may be introduced in the following way. (Example):

We have come to know and to care for each other over the last nineteen weeks. Each of you is a very precious and valuable woman who has shown grace and courage in taking part in this group. What gifts you have brought to each other! It is important for you to hear how special you are and, sometimes, you need to tell others how special they are. Can you take some time now to think about and write down one thing that you have appreciated about each person here. A phrase or a word will do and will help you tell each person what she has brought to you.

Again each woman is given several small pieces of paper and a pen and asked to do this exercise. Each group member is then selected in turn and the women are asked to read what they have written and to hand this as a gift to that member. Again, some may find this exercise very difficult. Care must be taken to give each woman permission to do this exercise in a way that is comfortable for her.

Certificates

Following the handing out of the certificates, a tape is played of the song We Were Born To Live sung by Ann Mortifee. The group leaders sing along and encourage the group to join in while the song is played several times.

though the road be long and the river wide

though the seasons change and the willows bend

though some dreams break some others mend.

We were born to give and born to take

to win and lose and to celebrate

we were born to know and born to muse

to unfold our hearts, take a chance and choose.

We were born to love through we feel the thorn

when a ship sets sail to return no more

though a door be closed and we feel the pain

to chance it all and to love again.

We were born to reach, to seek what's true

to surrender all, to make each day new

we were born to laugh and born to cry

to rejoice and grieve, just to be alive.

We were born to hope and to know despair

and to stand alone when there's no one there

we were born to trust and to understand

that in every heart there's an outstretched hand.

We were born to live, to be right and wrong

to be false and true, to be weak and strong

we were born to live, to break down the wall

and to know that life is to taste it all.

(Michel Jean Legrand, Ann Mortifee) © 1972 Michel Legrand Productions Inc. & Chappell & Co. All rights on behalf of Michel Legrand Productions, Inc. administered by Chappell & Co. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

DO NOT PHOTOCOPY

At the end of the celebration, the group leaders may need to make some announcements. (At FSC, we have a Grads Group which consists of women who have been through the "Victim to Survivor" Group. All are invited to join this group now and dates of the meetings are given out. There is also a six-month reunion of the group and all are informed that they will be called at the appropriate time.)

It is very difficult to say good-bye at the end of this session and enough time must be allowed for this. Everyone who wishes to can join in for a group hug. There are often tears at leaving and the women may linger and speak with each other and the group leaders for an extended length of time. It is helpful for the group leaders to be available to the group but they must also be aware of their own needs and feelings, and be able to set some limits to their availability.

Diploma Image

Victim to Survivor Group

Post-Group Evaluation

2. What changes did you make?

3. What was most helpful about the Group?

4. What was least helpful about the Group?

5. What pleased you about your own behaviour and/or participation in the Group?

6. What regrets do you have about your behaviour, contribution, or participation in the Group?

7. Is the ending of the Group appropriate for you? Should it have been longer? shorter?

8. What constructive criticism can you offer to help us improve the Group?

9. Specifically, to help us with other groups, please comment on the usefulness to you of:

a) Keeping a Journal

b) Sharing from your Journal

c) Setting Individual Goals

d) The Marathon Session

e) The length of the Individual Sessions

f) The handouts (poems, etc.)

10. Any other comments?

Theme Modules

1) coping (presented within the description of Session 12),

2) conflict,

3) anger,

4) intimacy,

5) self-injury.

Perhaps the group may wish to discuss a topic that is not presented here. Resources for discussions of other pertinent issues can be found in the Bibliography.

Each theme module is presented in the following format: a short explanation of the topic, a verbatim statement that can serve to introduce the topic to the group (Introduction), and one or two exercises that can help the group to focus on the topic being discussed (Application). Some of the exercises are open ended and others are more structured. Handouts are also included.

Theme Module on Anger

How have you seen anger as being useful in general, and for you in particular?

This wording starts redefining anger as being a constructive emotion rather than as a negative and fearful one.

Introduction

The Introduction for the group can be as follows. (Example):

All human beings get angry, and people usually have difficulty expressing their anger. It is as basic as feeling hungry, lonely, loving or tired. But the things that make us angry and the things we do when we are and are not the same for all of us. The particular ways in which we respond to anger are learned. Anger is often a response to feeling frustrated, helpless, or rejected. It is also a protective response. When we encounter danger, we either flee or fight. Fear makes us flee from danger and anger is the beginning of the fight response. Being able to feel anger and to express it is extremely important if we are to feel good about ourselves. When we are angry and don't express it, we can end up feeling depressed, used, anxious, or manipulated. A healthy emotional climate is one in which all emotions, especially anger, can be freely felt and expressed without negative consequences. But anger must be expressed constructively. If we constantly "keep a lid" on our anger, or are constantly "mopping up" after rage overtakes us, much of our energy will be sapped and can not be used for other things. We have less energy to enjoy life, to be generous, and to reach out and receive love. It is important for everyone to learn how to express our anger constructively, creatively, and safely.

Application

Take a few minutes to think about and enter in your Journal some of the positive and negative messages that you received from your family and others about anger.

Use a flip chart to record some of the messages that group members received and then during the discussion that follows focus on the common messages as they relate to how group members use anger in their present life.

2. Divide the group members into groups of two and ask them to discuss the following:

"What is your worst fear about expressing your anger? "

"What is your worst fear about someone you care about expressing their anger?"

After a ten to twenty minute discussion, regroup and ask each pair to share their thoughts and feelings with the group.

Handout for Module on Anger

1. Write a letter to your abuser or others that have made you angry.

2. Take a karate course.

3. Make a special pillow that you can pound when you are angry. Draw or paint the face of your abuser on the pillow.

4. Take up aerobics and imagine punching and kicking your abuser when doing them.

5. Pound the bed with a tennis racket.

6. Go to a therapist who specializes in primal scream.

7. Organize a political rally opposing violence against women.

8. Make up a fantasy about what you could do to the person that made you angry. Write it down.

9. Make a voodoo doll of your abuser and have plenty of pins available.

10 ___________________________________________________

11. ___________________________________________________

12. ___________________________________________________

13. ___________________________________________________

Theme Module on Conflict

If the group leaders are aware that there is an escalating potential for conflict, they may suggest that one of the group discussions focus on conflict. The Rules of Communication are included in the discussion on conflict to remind those in the group that there are more constructive ways of communicating than by initiating a conflict situation.

Introduction

In all families, there is conflict and there are differences. In more functional families, members can learn how to negotiate these differences and to experience conflict, including the expression of strong feelings, like anger, without dire consequences and without damaging the relationship. This is something that most of you may not have had the opportunity to learn.

Conflict is inevitable, especially when we feel differently from others about certain issues, or when we are feeling threatened, ignored, rejected, and so on.

[N.B. It may be appropriate to use an anonymous example from the group at this point that may relate to conflict within the group or among group members.]

Let's look at the Rules of Communication that we have posted. The last four are particularly key ones for our discussion tonight.

Ask one of the group members to read the last four rules.

Application

The exercise on conflict may be introduced as follows. (Example):

Take a minute and think about and write in your Journal what your learned from your family about handling conflict. When you are ready, can you share your thoughts or memories with the group.

2. The following is more structured: "Steps For Resolving Conflicts Successfully" is presented on a flip chart:

-P-R-O -V-E -

-Pinpoint the problem - do you both agree on what it really is?

-Relevant data that you need to consider in order to work on a solution

-Offer solutions - list as many possible ones as you can

-Verify which solution seems best from all points of view - Be honest!

-Evaluate solution chosen by a follow-up discussion - is it working out? (if not, let's go back to the start and begin again).

Ask for a volunteer(s) from the Group to describe a recent situation in which a conflict situation is still unresolved. Using this example(s), go through the "Steps" with the volunteer and the group members. A flip chart can be used to record ideas.

Handout for Module on Conflict

A) Destructive Resolution of Conflict

2. Refusing to take the fight seriously.

3. Withdrawing, evading, walking out, falling asleep, silent treatment.

4. Using intimate knowledge about the partner/friend and hitting below the belt.

5. Bringing in unrelated issues.

6. Being a pseudo-accommodator, pretending to agree and sending false messages.

7. Attacking indirectly.

8. Being a double-binder - giving a rebuke instead of a compliment.

9. Explaining someone's feelings for them: "What I hear you saying is...", "You must be feeling...".

10. Always demanding morel

11. Withholding affection, sex, friendship, etc.

12. Undermining - keeping the partner or friend always on the edge of your ending the relationship.

B) Constructive Resolution of Conflict

2. Be sure to define what the fight is all about.

3. Each person is allowed to give expression to his/her positive feelings.

4. Each person is allowed to give expression to his/her negative feelings.

5. Replay the other person's feelings in your own words, asking if you are correct.

6. Discover where the positions coincide.

7. Discover the points of vulnerability.

8. Determine how deeply each person feels about the fight.

9. Recognize the spontaneous expressions that can occur.

C) Questions to Help You Analyze Your Conflict Pattern

2. How do I express my grievances to a partner/friend?

3. What is my usual emotional state when I pick a fight?

4. In what ways do I fight 'dirty'?

5. What do I especially like about my partner/friend's fighting style?

Handout for Module on Conflict

I 'm Special

Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me. Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice. I'm special.

No one can be found that has my handwriting.

Nobody anywhere has my tastes for food or music or art. No one sees things just as I do.

In all of time there's been no one who laughs like me, no one who cries like me. And what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.

No one reacts to any situation just as I would react. I'm special.

I'm the only one in all creation who has my abilities. Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combinations of talents, ideas, abilities, and feelings. Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together. I'm a symphony.

Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think or do like me. I'm special. I'm rare.

And in all rarity there is great value.

Because of my great rare value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept - yes, celebrate - my differences.

I'm special. And I'm beginning to realize it's no accident that I'm special. I'm beginning to see that I'm special for a very special purpose. I must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of the billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the right combination Of what it take

That one is me. Because I'm special.

Anonymous

Theme Module on Self-Injury

Introduction

(Example):

All of us have periods where we injure ourselves. We can think of a continuum of self-injurious behaviour, from a mild belittling of ourselves which keeps us in a one-down position, to severe mutilating self-abuse. There is often intense guilt and shame when we act in this way, and the more ashamed we are, the more we want to keep it a secret. Usually we don't know why we self-injure, but for sure, it doesn't make sense to us and we feel that we are bad or crazy.

Let us look back to the early work in this group. In the second and third sessions we said that one of the most usual things that happens to a child victim of incest is that she often feels that she is guilty or blames herself for what has happened. These feelings often stay with you as adult women. Intellectually, you may know that the adult offender must take responsibility for his or her actions but your feelings may still reflect the same feelings that you had as a child: that you were somehow to blame. When you have these feelings, when you become overwhelmed by intense feelings of pain, powerlessness, guilt, and shame in response to the memories of the sexual abuse, hurting yourself may seem to be the only way to cope with these feelings. Some women experience intense relief and peace from intolerable anxiety when they self-injure; other women are able to distance themselves from the painful memories of the abuse.

Application

1. Is there anything in general or particular, that triggers this behaviour?

2. What do If eel as a direct result of the behaviour?

3. Are there any creative ways that I can get the same feelings without self-injury?

After this exercise, a general discussion is opened about ways that they can use to stop self-injury. For example, one woman who slashed regularly decided to "slash" with a red magic marker when she felt the need to slash. Another who used burning with matches felt that she might get the same relief with a mildly hot but very piercing shower. As an outline for this discussion, a handout is given to group members based on an article which appeared in TRAANS (The Ritual Abuse Awareness Network Society, June, 1990). (See Handout on Self-Injury, page 161.)

Handout for Module on Self-lnjury

Ways to Stop Self-Injury

1. Start with your own will: decide that you want to live and want to not harm yourself.

2. Share your decision to stop self-injury with your therapist and other people you trust. Ask them to help you keep your commitment.

3. List the self-injurious behaviour you want to stop. Make a column for each day. If you go through a full day without self-injury, reward yourself. Share your list with your therapist.

4. Learn to recognize your triggers to self-injury and begin to defuse them. Once you recognize these triggers, they begin to lose their power.

5. Make a list of things to do to help you relax and be safe when you feel panicky and want to harm yourself. Put the list in a place where you will see it often, or carry it with you. Make another list of the reasons and affirmations why you should not harm yourself.

6. Find a safe place in your home where you can go to and be alone to gain control. Promise yourself you will not harm yourself while you are in your safe place.

7. Have a plan to deal with and get through flashbacks:

a) find your own behaviour pattern prior to the flashback.

b) decide how you are going to allow the flashback to come.

c) decide how you are going to ground yourself in order to come back to the present.

Theme Module on Intimacy

Introduction

Many of you have not felt safe for most of your lives. Your bodies and your boundaries have been invaded; the safe love and comfort that you were entitled to as a child was filled with pain and fear. You were not able to trust those that were supposed to care for and protect you. Now it is difficult to trust those around you or to even trust yourself. When you cannot allow others to get close to you or you to get close to others, it is because of the pain and fear that you had as a child. This can be lonely and frightening.

Tonight we would like to talk about Intimacy and to begin to share ways that you may be able to change some of your thinking and feeling in this difficult area.

A handout with the definition of Intimacy (page 165) is passed. Read the definition and ensure that everyone is working with the same understandings: of Intimacy.

[The Introduction continues:]

The degree of intimacy with which one feels comfortable is dependent on how safe and how trusting one is in that relationship. The relationship does not need to be sexual but it can be.

Application

i) what have each of you found out about yourselves from doing the exercise?

ii) what ideas do you have for achieving a higher degree of intimacy and closeness ?

Ideas can be put on a Flip Chart, typed up, and returned to the group to add to their Journals at the next session.

2. A general discussion about Intimacy can be opened with the following question:

What are the things that I can give to others and can receive from others while still feeling safe?

3. A discussion which focuses primarily on sexuality can be introduced as follows:

Our sexuality is a part of who we are, whether we choose to have an active sexual life or not, whether we have a partner or not, whether we "make love" to ourselves or not. It is the creative part of us, the fertile part, the tender part, our inner beauty. As we become safe with ourselves, trust our own feelings, respect ourselves as persons of worth, increasingly listen to the messages from our body and our emotions, know what is appropriate for us and what is not, have the confidence to communicate that without undue fear, then we will have reclaimed our sexuality. Can we now think about or write down ideas on how to allow our sexuality to bloom in a safe and secure way, how to heal the hurt that our bodies have endured, and how to set boundaries so that sex is safe and comfortable for us.

The "Exploring Intimacy" Handout (page 167) can be handed out after the above discussion.

Handout for Module on Intimacy

Definition of Intimacy:
Intimacy is the mutual validation, acceptance, and approval of each other's inner experience. It is the feeling of being connected to the other

Handout for Module on Intimacy

a stranger an acquaintance a parent a fellow employee

a sibling a lover an employer

Ask yourself the following questions about the degree of closeness you feel in relation to each of the three choices that you have made above under each of the following conditions. Mark down your ratings.

Example:

When a stranger approaches me and doesn't want anything from me, the degree of closeness that I feel is:

0.........1.........2.........3.........4.........5.........6.........7.........8.........9.........10

not close at all ...............................................................very close

1. When they approach me and don't want anything from me?

2. When I approach them and find out they need something from me?

3. When I approach them and need something from them?

4. When they are in charge?

5. When I am in charge?

6. When we both feel mutually in charge?

7. Other ideas?

Handout for Module on Intimacy

Exploring Intimacy

Begin to heal hurtful touching

2. Begin to look at your body in the mirror. You can start with looking for 10 seconds and increase this amount every day. Start with looking at only your eyes and then expand the area that you look at bit by bit.

3. Try to believe people when they say you look nice. Stop yourself from immediately discounting their compliments and think about what they are telling you.

4. Decide what boundaries you need to feel safe and comfortable when someone touches you. Write these down. Tell your closest friends and family members.

5. Try massage therapy. You are in charge of this and the boundaries are clear.

6. Know that you don't ever have to be touched by others if you do not wish to be. Decide what you could say when others touch you that will give them a clear message of your wishes.

7. Take some relaxation exercises. Take care of your body through ways of relieving tensions: swimming, yoga, dancing, Tai Chi, even smashing dishes, etc.

8. Trust your own instincts about who is safe.

Information Session for partners, friends, family

The first session is held sometime during the sixth week of the program and the second session is held around week fourteen. This scheduling is co-ordinated to complement the fact that group members are generally most symptomatic at these points in time- during the telling of their stories and the "working things through" stage. Accordingly, the purpose of the Information Session is to provide support and information to the partners, relatives, and/or friends of the group members during these difficult periods. Those who attend are invited to do so by the group members and there is no limit to the number of people group members can invite. Group members do not attend these sessions, however.

First Information Session

Following this brief welcome, one of the group leaders begins the Session by giving a short overview of the Twenty-week program as follows:

Weeks One through Three: We begin to talk about incest and sexual abuse by asking group members to think about child victims and perpetrators from an adult's perspective.

Weeks Four through Eight: Each woman is invited to tell of her own experiences. We consider the story telling important as many of the group members have never said their stories out loud or may not have been believed.

Week Nine: We ask the group to think about those things which are holding them back from moving forward and to prepare themselves for the following week which is a four hour "Marathon Session."

Week Ten: This is a transitional session that is four hours in length where the group can share their goals and gather courage in order to deal with the feelings or things that are preventing them from moving ahead with their lives.

Weeks Eleven through Nineteen: We deal with the issues raised through the women's narratives. Usually, the focus is on feelings about the actual events, feelings about self, and feelings directed against the abuser. This is also a time to formulate plans to begin the process of change.

Week Twenty: We celebrate the journey from victim to survivor and congratulate the group members for their courage and strength.

Following this brief outline, the second group leader begins to talk about the role that the people who are present at this session have in the lives of the group members. This is stated as follows:

Some of you have been a part of a survivor's life for only a short time; others have been a part of her life since the beginning. Each of you is here because you want to provide a safe place for a special person that you care a great deal about, a place where she can practice a different way of being There are many ways that you can be a comfort and support to a survivor, especially during this difficult time:

1) by understanding what your partner or friend or family member is experiencing during this program.

2) by allowing your partner, friend, or family member time and space to do this important work.

3) by not being threatened by your partner or friend or family member's changes, and

4) by forgiving yourself if you have difficulty doing any of the above but to keep on trying.

Some helpful hints are read and discussed as appropriate from Healing the Incest Wound by Christina Courtois (1988).

Guidelines for response to disclosure of past childhood sexual abuse

• Be open to the disclosure. Let the survivor know you are open to discussing what she feels comfortable telling you about her past.
• Appreciate how difficult it is to make a disclosure and to confide long-held secrets.
• Offer her support and understanding. Empathize with her without pitying her. Let her know that you hurt to hear that she had such difficult events to contend with.
• Strive to be sensitive but matter of fact in your initial response rather than highly emotional. Know that she needs a calm, accepting, encouraging response.
• Encourage her to tell you details as she chooses to and as she is able. Don't press for details and don't focus on the sexual details. It may suffice for her to tell you only the most minimal of details or she might want you to know more. It is her decision to do as she is able.
• Don't blame her. Emphasize that, no matter what the circumstance, she was not to blame. Be careful of questions that sound blaming, such as "Didn't you try to stop it?"; "Did you tell him that you didn't like it?"; "How did you know your mother wouldn't believe you if you didn't try to tell her?"; "Maybe you really did enjoy it."
• Don't try to deny that it happened and don't tell her to forget it and get on with her life or otherwise "talk the abuse into going away." It's not "all in her head" and she needs to know that she is believed and supported. Don't tell her she made it up to get attention or "things like that just don't happen in good families," etc. It is especially tempting to deny incest when the perpetrator is a respected and loved member of the family and /or a "pillar of the community."
• Allow her her emotions and expect that she will have positive as well as negative feelings or that her predominant ones might be confusion and ambivalence. Not uncommonly, survivors have feelings of warmth and love towards the perpetrator for the non-exploitive part of their relationship especially if he was the only family member to offer her nurturance.
• Don't respond with panic. Allow yourself some time to sort out your feelings.
• Don't pressure her and don't try to rush her. She needs to make choices and take action at her discretion. She will also heal at her own pace. Unfortunately, the recovery process is often lengthy -she needs support over its duration.
• Encourage her to seek therapy if she has not yet done so. Let her know that there are professionals who specialize in treating the aftereffects of abuse and who can help her. Offer her hope that she can recover from the effects of the past.
• Encourage her to make choices that are in her best interest. Don't try to stop her from making choices and don't make them for her.
• Don't attempt to be overprotective or rescue her and don't confront the perpetrator or other family members without her knowledge and permission. Be aware that angry and retaliatory behavior can hurt her by making her feel anxious, out of control, and powerless.
• Talk to her about taking action to safeguard children in the family if the perpetrator still poses a risk. Other disclosures and reporting might be necessary. Indicate your support and willingness to explore possible avenues of action.
• Don't treat her like "damaged or spoiled good" following disclosure. If you are her sexual partner, she needs assurances that she is still lovable and attractive. Try to maintain your normal level of sexual interaction and don't try to "make everything better with sex." Seek out professional assistance or a support group if your feelings are strongly negative or you find yourself obsessing about the details of the abuse rather than focusing on the welfare of your partner. It is appropriate to share your feelings of anger, hurt, etc., but be sure they are directed towards the perpetrator and the abuse and are not blaming of the survivor.
• Follow up with her after her initial disclosure to you. Don't let the disclosure "go down a black hole," never to be mentioned again. And don't tell her that you forgot that she had ever made a disclosure to you.
• Maintain your normal expression of affection with the survivor. Touching, holding, and hugging can be especially comforting. If you do not have a relationship with the survivor which normally includes physical contact, ask her permission before making any and respect her wishes.
• Support her in future disclosures, confrontations, or reporting. Be aware that this may be especially difficult for other family members, who are bound to feel split loyalty and to get caught up in other family roles and interaction patterns.
• Respect her privacy. Do not break her confidence and don't discuss her disclosure without her permission

The group leaders then present their definition of incest and, using sample words from the Main Work of Session One, talk about what their partners / friends / family members have experienced as victims of abuse. No specific names are used but a general sense of what it feels like to be a victim is conveyed to the group through the words that the group members have used to describe their thoughts and feelings around incest. Then, in order to focus those present on their partner / friend / family member, the group leaders finish their presentation by discussing the impact of the Twenty week program on group participants. In particular, they acknowledge that this period, in which the stories are being told, is especially difficult and requires a safe and supportive environment.

At this point, those attending are invited to ask questions and make comments. This generally leads to a discussion around difficulties that the partner/ friend / family members has in dealing with the group member, information about how to be more supportive, fears that the partner / friend / family member might have about dealing with the incest etc. This discussion generally lasts about 45 minutes.

The session ends with a Go-Around and the group leader introduces the exercise by asking,

How are you feeling about what happened here tonight ?

The group leaders also participate in the Go-Around and voice their own thoughts and feelings. At the end of the session, several Handouts are given to the partners /friends/family members.

The handout for this session is an article taken from T.V. Guide, April, 1988 by Sally Armstrong and is a commentary on the film To a Safer Place produced by Shirley Turcotte, Gerry Rogers, and Beverly Shaffer.

Handout for the First Information Session

To a Safer Place

A sexual-abuse survivor documents her painful journey toward healing and self discovery by Sally Armstrong

There isn't a single family picture to record the lost childhood of Shirley Turcotte. But a soul-searching documentary, To a Safer Place, does in sixty minutes what a house full of photo albums could not have done. It recounts a horror story of sexual abuse in a way that rivets public attention to what actually happens when incest occurs.

The film follows Turcotte back to the farmhouse near Winnipeg where she endured fourteen years of abuse and poses some key questions: How could a mother let this happen to her child? How could neighbors have turned their backs on the four children next door? And finally the camera records Turcotte's return to the basement bedroom where the assaults occurred, and the wall beside the bed- "a safer place"- into which young Shirley would project her mind during her father's attacks. It was an escape mechanism Turcotte credits with saving her sanity. There are none of the usual statistics and no experts. Turcotte and co-producers Gerry Rogers and Beverly Shaffer (who also directed) felt that the public is already aware that incest is an enormous, if misunderstood, problem. They decided to do the film from the perspective of one who has lived it-"the most effective way of telling the story," says Shaffer.

In classic documentary style, the camera records the painful revelations -Turcotte's brother Wilfred recalling the time that "Dad threw our little dog against the wall and broke his back," and sister Linda saying, "I was five years old when Dad went all the way with me." And Turcotte herself: "He took me and took me until there was almost no me left to take."

To a Safer Place is bound to upset, anger, even horrify viewers. It will elicit pity and fury. What it won't do is leave anyone untouched.

As an adult survivor of incest, Turcotte wrote her story down- not because she envisaged a film adaptation, but because she needed to fulfil a prophecy. "When I was 9," she explains, "I'd been terribly abused one day. Afterward, I mixed a potion of mothballs and Javex. I put the glass to my mouth, then stepped back. I thought to myself, 'I don't want to die; I just don't want to live like this.'

"That was a pivotal moment for me. I know it sounds dramatic, but it was very real to me. I went outside and sat in the field. The prairie grass was so high, I felt it was hugging me like a mother. The sun was beating down intensely, and there were all these tears. But there was total clarity, too: If I was to live with this terrible abuse- my father was a ritualistic raper- it would not be for no reason.

"There was a voice inside my head saying, 'It's OK, you're here for a change.' I knew I was like a channel or a piece of wire. I didn't feel I had power - just that I was a conduit."

Writing out her story was a process so cathartic "the book didn't even have to be published."

But soon after she finished, she met Anne Henderson, a producer at the NFB's [National Film Board] Studio D. Henderson was in Vancouver, where Turcotte now lives, making a film about women in non-traditional jobs (Turcotte is a business engineering support supervisor at B.C. Telephone). She asked Henderson to read her story.

Henderson ultimately passed the story to Studio D producers Gerry Rogers and Kathleen Shannon, who in turn brought in Beverly Shaffer, a director, says Rogers, "who would be wise enough to allow Shirley's story to come through and use her directorial skills to enhance it."

"I liked Shirley immediately," says Shaffer (who won a 1978 Oscar for I'll Find a Way'). "Here was a woman who had emerged as a whole person from an experience from which there was no release. I felt the film could be a healing process." Surprisingly, convincing people to be interviewed for the film wasn't difficult. "They all knew that the more personal they were, the more valuable the film would be to people who are suffering from incest," says Shaffer. One of Turcotte's conditions on making the film was that her family would see it together before it was screened, which they did- the first time in 14 years they'd all been together. Moreover, says Shaffer, "they came to all the public screenings too, and invited every single person they knew. No one ever knew this side of them. Wilfred (who had several brushes with the law) brought his lawyer, his parole officer and all his buddies."

For Shirley's mother, the screenings were healing events. "Her usual body stance is invisible- hunched over, head down, no eye contact," says Shaffer. "People kept coming up to her saying, 'Thank you for being in that film. It was really brave of you.' Her body language changed. She started to hold her head up."

Of the people who will watch the film, Turcotte says, "I hope it will give them permission to speak." Will her father watch it? Turcotte doesn't know. "He chose not to participate in the film, though he was invited to do so. He's not part of this journey. He's responsible and accountable for the abuse, but I'm responsible for putting myself back together."

And of the thousands of victims who will be watching, Turcott hopes the film will help them to know they aren't alone. She works with survivors of sexual abuse at a support group she started in Vancouver called SEPSA (Support, Education and Prevention of Sexual Abuse in Children) and feels the advice she gives to her clients would work well for society.

"I say to them, 'Imagine a room so full of guck, it's as though ten teenagers had lived in it for ten years. There's mould on the ceiling, garbage everywhere, a stench. All of your senses are offended. Sexual abuse is like that for the survivor. All of your senses are so abused, you have to detach..' I tell my clients to get out of the room. 'Later, open the door, take out one thing. Fix that one thing. Be with it until it's OK for you. Then put it aside and take out one more thing.'

"Our society," says Turcotte, "is sitting in the middle of that room juggling sex abuse like a hot potato. It's overwhelmed by it and doesn't know who to charge with fixing the problem. Society needs to learn to take one piece at a time and focus energy on solutions."

Second Information Session

From our experience, we know that this is a very difficult time for the women in our groups. It is also probably a difficult time for you as you are watching your partner / friend / family member experience painful feelings- feeling raw, feeling hurt, feeling despair. We would like to give you an opportunity to tell about how this is for you.

In the group, we have just had the fourteenth session. The last time you were here, your partner /friend / family member was struggling with the pain of reliving the abuse as the stories were told. Now, you are seeing them in a different struggle as they work through the process of making changes in their lives.

The discussion opens with one of the group leaders addressing the following questions to the group.

1. What changes are you seeing?

2. What do these changes mean for you?

Following a discussion that lasts about one hour, the group leaders initiate a Go-Around. Again the question is asked,

"How are you feeling about what went on tonight?"

A handout, "Personal Bill of Rights" is given out at the end of the session.

Handout for the Second Information Session

Personal Bill of Rights

2. I have the right to use my own judgement.

3. I have the right to say "no" without feeling guilty.

4. I have the right to feel anger and express it appropriately.

5. I have the right to make mistakes.

6. I have the right to be treated as a capable human being.

7. I have the right to feel and express love and affection.

8. I have the right to have my needs be as important as others'.

9. I have a right to my feelings.

10. I have a right to ask for what I want.

11. I have the right to change my mind.

Six-Month Follow-up Session

The women are warmly welcomed back by the group leaders. Following this welcome, the group leaders ask each of the group members to take a few minutes to fill in an evaluation questionnaire. Often, the perspectives that group members have about the group change across time. For example, immediately following the group, the women may be distressed that their safe haven is no longer available. They may feel abandoned by the group leaders, or, on the other hand, they may feel that their issues are completely resolved. The passage of time often changes some of these feelings and thoughts and completing this questionnaire gives the women some time to think about changes and/or differences, either positive or negative, in the time since the ending of the group.

Following the completion of the evaluation form, an informal discussion ensues for the remainder of the session. The evening is made more social by having tea, coffee, and refreshments available and by not following any structured format. The session generally lasts for about 1 1/2 hours.

An example of the sixth-month evaluation questionnaire is presented on page 179.

Victim to Survivor Group

Six-Month follow-up Evaluation

2. Have you experienced any set-backs?

3. What have family members or friends identified as changes in you?

4. Since the beginning of the group, have you experienced any change in other aspects of your life (e.g. child management, relationships, friends, decision-making, self-confidence)?

5. What are the issues that you are currently finding difficult or are working on in your life?

6. Any comments?

Bibliography

Personal histories

Armstrong,L. (1982). Kiss Daddy Good Night. New York: Hawthorne Books

Bass, E. & Thorton, L. (1983). I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. New York: Harper and Row.

Chase, T. (1990). When Rabbit Howls. New York: Jove Books.

Danica, E. (1988) Don't: A Woman's Word. Charlottetown, P.E.I.: Gynergy Books.

Fraser, S. (1987). My Father's House: A Memoir of Incest and of Healing. Toronto: Doubleday.

Gallagher, Sr. V. (1985). Speaking Out, Fighting Back. Seattle, Wash: Madrona.

Green, L. (1992). Ordinary Wonders: Living Recovery from Sexual Abuse. Toronto: Woman's Press.

McNaron, T.A.H., & Morgan, Y. (1982). Voices in the Night: Women Speaking About Incest. Pittsburgh, Pa.: Cleis Press.

Sisk, S. L. & Hoffman, C. F. (1987). Inside Scars. Gainesville, FL: Pandora Press.

Utain, M. & Oliver, B. (1989). Scream Louder. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.

The politics of incest

Driver, E. & Droisen, A. (Eds.). (1989). Child Sexual Abuse: Feminist Perspectives. London: Macmillan Education Ltd.

Forward, S. & Buck, C. (1978). Betrayal of Innocence: Incest and its Devastation. New York: Penguin

Justice, B. & Justice, R. (1979). The Broken Taboo . New York: Human Sciences Press.

Rush, F. (1980). The Best Kept Secret: Sexual Abuse of Children. New York: McGraw Hill.

Technical and professional books about sexual abuse and incest

Courtois, C. A. (1988). Healing the Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy. New. York: Norton.

Finkelhor, D. (1979). Sexually Victimized Children. New York: Free Press.

Finkelhor, D. (1984). Child Sexual Abuse: New Theory and Research. New York Free Press.

Finkelhor, D. (1986). A Sourcebook on Child Sexual Abuse. London: Sage Publications.

Horton, A.L., Johnson, B.L., Roundy, L.M. and Williams, D. (1990). The Incest Perpetrator: A Family Member Noone Wants to Treat. London: Sage Publications.

Gil,E. (1983). Outgrowing the Pain. New York: Dell.

Goodwin, J.M. (Ed). (1989). Sexual Abuse: Incest Victims and their Families. London: Year Book Medical Publishers.

Jehu, D. (1988). Beyond Sexual Abuse: Therapy with Women Who Were Childhood Victims. Toronto: Wiley and Sons.

Kluft, R.P. (Ed.). (1985). Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Press.

Kluft, R.P. (Ed.). (1990). Incest Related Syndromes of Adult Psychopathology. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Press.

Mayer, A. (1985). Sexual Abuse. Holmes Beach,FL.: Learning Publications.

Meiselman, K. (1978). Incest: A Psychological Study of the Causes of the Causes and Effects with Treatment Recommendations. San Francisco: JosseyBass.

Russell, D. E. H. (1986). The Secret Trauma: Incest in the Lives of Girls and Women. New York: Basic Books.

Sgroi, S.M. (1988). Vulnerable Populations (Vol 1). Lexington, Mass.: D.C. Heath.

Sgroi, S. M. (1989). Vulnerable Populations (Vol 2). Lexington, Mass.: D.C. Heath.

Waites, E.A. (1993). Trauma and Survival: PostTraumatic and Dissociative Disorders in Women. New York: Norton.

Wyatt, G. E., & Powell, G. J. (1988). Lasting Effects of Child Sexual Abuse. London: Sage Publications.

Treatment for adult survivors

Briere, J. (1989). Therapy for Adults Molested as Children. New York: Springer.

Dolan, Y.M. (1991). Resolving Sexual Abuse: Solution Focused Therapy and Ericksonian Hypnosis for Adult Survivors. New York: W.W. Norton.

Gil, E. (1988). Treatment of Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse. California: Launch Press.

Givens, A.M. (1991). The Process of Healing. San Diego, CA: Libra Publishers Inc.

Herman, J.L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence From Domestic Abuses to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books.

Kirschner, S., Kirschner, P.A. and Rappaport, R.L. (1993). Working with Adult Incest Survivors: The Healing Journey. New York: Brunner/Mazel.

Laidlaw, T.A., Malmo, C. and Associates. (1990). Healing Voices: Feminist Approaches to Therapy with Women. San Fransisco: JosseyBass.

Mayer, A. (1983). Incest: A Treatment Manual for Therapy with Victims, Spouses and Offenders. Holmes Beach, FL.: Learning Publications.

Meiselman, D. C. (1990). Resolving the Trauma of Incest: Reintegration Therapy with Survivors. San Francisco: JosseyBass.

Working with groups (general)

Rose, S.D. (1989). Working with Adults in Groups. San Francisco: JosseyBass.

Vannicelli, M. (1989). Group Psychotherapy with Adult Children of Alcoholics: Treatment Techniques and Countertransference Considerations. New York: Guilford.

Vonogradov, S. & Yalom,I.D. (1989). Group Psychotherapy. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Press.

Yalom, I. D. (1985). The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books.

Male survivors

Lew, M. (1988). Victims No Longer . New York: Nevraumont

O'Brien, D. (1991). Suffer Little Children. StJohn's, Nfld: Breakwater.

Thomas, T. (1989). Men Surviving Incest. California: Launch Press.

Self-help and recovery

Bass, E. & Davis, L. (1988). The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse . New York: Harper and Row.

Davis, L. (1990). The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse . New York: Harper and Row.

Farmer, S. (1989). Adult Children of Abusive Parents. Los Angeles: Lowell House.

Napier,N.J. (1990). Recreating Your Self. New York: Norton.

Taylor, C. L. (1991). The Inner Child Workbook. Los Angeles: Jeremy P.

Tarcher.

Intimacy

Lerner, H. (1989). The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships. New York: Harper and Row.

Scarff, M. (1987). Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage. New York: Random House.

Woititz, J. (1985). The Struggle for Intimacy. Deerfield Beach, FL.: Health Communications.

Sexuality

Maltz, W. (1991). The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse. New York: HarperCollins.

Maltz, W. & Holman, B. (1987). Incest and Sexuality: A Guide to Understandingand Healing. Lexington, Mass.: Lexington Books.

Westerlund, E. (1992). Women's Sexuality After Childhood Incest. New York: Norton.

Woititz,J. (1989). Healing Your Sexual Self. Deerfield Beach, FL.: Health Communications.

For partners

Graber, K. (1991). Ghosts in the Bedroom: A Guide for Partners of Incest Survivors. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.

Kritsberg,W. (1990). Healing Together. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.

Anger

Rubin, T. I. (1969). The Angry Book. New York: Collier Books.

Travis, C. (1989). Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion. New York: Touchstone.

Weiss, L. (1991). I Don't Need Therapy But... Deerfield Beach, FL.: Health Communications.

Weiss, L. (1989). Learning to Say No: Establishing Healthy Boundaries. Deerfield Beach, FL.: Health Communications.

Substance abuse and addiction

Sandmaier, M. (1980). The Invisible Alcoholics. Women and Alcohol Abuse in America. New York: McGraw Hill.

Zraly, K. & Swift, D. (1990). Anorexia, Bulimia, And Compulsive Overeating: A Practical Guide for Counselors and Families. New York Continuum.

Woititz, J. G. (1983). Adult Children of Alcoholics. Deerfield Beach, FL.: Health Communications

Spirituality

Flaherty, S.M. (1992). Woman, Why Do You Weep? Spirituality for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. New York: Paulist Press.

Available in English and French from:

National Clearinghouse on Family Violence, Health Canada
Ottawa, Ontario
Canada K1A 1B5

Family Service Centre of Ottawa-Carleton
119 Ross Avenue
Ottawa, Ontario
Canada K1Y ON6