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Sexual napalm or communicative – which do you prefer?

In a relentlessly bizarre Playboy interview, singer John Mayer took the opportunity to slot his two most famous exes in distinctive camps: Jennifer Aniston is sweet and kind (“I love Jen so much”) and Jessica Simpson is a flammable thickener used in warfare (“sexually it was crazy”).

“I guess you’d rather be described as smokin’ hot than nice. It’s the Betty and Veronica thing,” said Lavalife spokesperson Kim Hughes.

The 32-singer-year also called his penis a “white supremacist” before comparing Ms. Simpson to crack cocaine and lamenting Ms. Aniston’s disdain for Twitter.

Although sweet, kind and communicative essentially amount to a “backhanded compliment,” both women should be mortified, Ms. Hughes said.

People now “know this is the kind of guy they went out with. Presumably, this kind of abrasiveness is something they’ve seen behind closed doors.”

Ms. Hughes added that she finds Mr. Mayer “powerfully offensive,” and also quibbled with his linguistics.

“It shows he doesn’t really have a firm grasp on the English language. Sexual napalm is kind of a mixed metaphor. Napalm will burn you and leave your skin hanging off your bones. That’s what napalm does. But I don’t think that’s what he means.”

Perhaps most encouraging was the tearful, rambling apology Mr. Mayer offered for the interview at a Nashville concert this Wednesday. “Maybe I need to take a break from trying to be clever,” he said, promising, “I quit the sound bite game.”