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AFM strives to meet the needs of family and friends of persons who are struggling with alcohol, drugs or gambling. Through education, counselling and therapy services individuals, couples and families are offered the opportunity to improve the quality of their lives, to explore the effects of addiction on themselves and to make personal changes and healthy choices for their own lives.
Brochures:
(All are available through the Library or your local AFM office. These brochures are also available in French.)
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I help someone who doesn't want help?
It's frustrating if the person you think needs help refuses to connect with resources or talk with loved ones about the problem.
It would be easy to get caught up in trying to convince this person to seek help. This approach only seems to wear family members out and does little to help the addicted person move towards change.
Families can influence the addicted person's desire to seek help by focusing on giving clear messages that take a firm position about not tolerating addictive behaviour.
Some examples: You may have to tell your mother that you will no longer trust her to take care of your children because her use of alcohol makes her unreliable. You may tell a gambler that you will no longer lend him money.
Following through on these kinds of statements will go a lot further than another plea for the addicted person to seek help.
I feel like I'm going crazy! What can I do?
Being in a relationship with an addicted person can create a great deal of chaos and emotional upheaval.
If the addiction is not identified or agreed upon as a problem, it is easy to conclude that it is your mental health that is failing.
Once addiction is acknowledged as the source of stress, what you are experiencing will be understood to be normal in a "crazy-making " situation.
Taking care of yourself by seeking information about addiction and sources for emotional support is the best way to feel more in control of your mental health.
What if I'm the only one who thinks there's a problem?
Trust your intuition that there is a problem and share your concerns with other people. Get solid information about how addictive behaviours differ from social behaviours.
Find out what other friends and relatives have experienced with this person. People with addictions often work at keeping secrets about their behaviour, so each friend or relative may only know a little piece about the level of the problem.
Only by sharing the entire picture will you be able to confirm your perception that there is a problem.
What should I tell the children?
Each family will need to decide what specific information their children need about an addiction problem.
Start by considering how the children have been or will be affected by living with addiction. Adults can then share information that is age appropriate that will reduce each child's stress related to these areas.
When children are not given information, they often reach inappropriate conclusions about what the problems are or how they are responsible.
When parents think they can wait until children are a certain age before they are told of the addiction problem, they discount the reality that these children have already been exposed to situations that they will need help to understand.
What should I do when he/she comes home from a residential rehabilitation program?
Strained family relationships do not magically heal once an addicted person completes a rehabilitation.
Families often describe feeling very cautious around the recovering person. They fear doing or saying something that might set off the addiction again. When this tension is acknowledged, families, including the addicted person, can reduce any unrealistic expectations that everything will feel better right away.
There are many challenges ahead for a family in early recovery (2-3 years). It takes time and effort to rebuild trust and other aspects of a healthy relationship. Families often benefit from outside supports during this time.
People have come and gone, staff have come and gone, but the environment of safety and trust continues to attract persons who want more in their lives, who want to address the effects of addiction in their family system and come to a real sense of self in what is often a hectic and chaotic world.
- AFM Staff
For the first time I have hope for the future instead of just existing day to day.
- Wife of a chemically dependent person
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